What is a happy ending? Is it when the character gets what he has always hoped for? Or when he finds what he really needed? Or is it when the character changes? I don't know what it would be, perhaps, its just the fact that the character can endure.
Well, what many of you don't know, is that this trip wasn't JUST about finding a job. Its exploration. I wanted to see the United States, the historical aspect. Most of the history is kept in museums now. But I wanted to see the different lifestyles and things that are different across the U.S. It is also a time for me to face my fears and put the past behind. You see, I am terrified of driving long distances. I am terrified of the unknown. I am petrified of my past... But still haunted by it.
My three objectives were, to find a job, find a home, and put the past where it all belongs. But how could I do all of that? If I find a job, I guess that means finding a home. No matter where it is that I like, I have to call my new place of work my home. And what would home entail? A place with good weather? Or fun things to do like watch live music or sports? Or is it a place where you become who you are, and the place becomes a little bit of you. Does it matter where you are as long as you are with someone you love? The pretty Red Head I met in North Caralina who had also taken a long journey across America challenged me with this thought.
All of these things that I see and do, when they are not shared with someone I love.....it means nothing. I guess I can appreciate how cool everything in the country is, and I loved the rock n' roll hall of fame, I dug the New York Harbor cruise, I loved Sun Record studios, but I wasn't with a loved one. I had some great friends on some things, and I love them, and those times were meaningful for me. But nothing can compare to having the ONE you love with you. On that thought, it really doesn't matter if you are living in a place that is Shan Gra La. It only matters that you are with someone you love. No amount of things in your life can amount to filling the need that people are born with to have someone to love unselfishly and unconditionally.
Like Johnny Cash said, "A Cardinal sang just for meAnd I thanked him for the Song. Then the Sun went slowly down the West And I had to move along. These were some of the things On which my Mind and Spirit feed;But Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I needFlesh And Blood need Flesh And BloodAnd you're the one I need. So when this Day was ended I was still not satisfied For I knew ev'rything I touched Would wither and would die And Love is all that will remain And grow from all these Seed; Mother Nature's quite a Lady But you're the one I need Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I need."
As you may imagine, my happy ending didn't pan out the way it would have seemed from thursday. Out of respect, I won't go until the harsh details. We had our final dance and thats all I had left to give. Things ended for me knowing that I tried as hard as humanly possible and there was nothing left for me to give. But finally the past is behind. There is still the whole other half of the mountain to climb down, but its over now. I got what I wanted..... My freedom back.
I really didn't know that all of my goals were so perfectly tied together. Just trying to find a home. I guess thats all I ever wanted.
I guess I was wrong about life. You can't completely write your own destiny. You can't choose who you're going to be and where you're going to live. The only thing you can choose, is how far you're willing to go to get what you need.
scripture: 1st Corinthians 11:34
You know, my experience is that the happiest endings involve so much more than we can understand in any one instant. There's often a lot of pain involved because we think we can dictate and prognostiscate what will be best, but our vantage is pretty limited (even if it does include thousands and thousands of miles of the good ole' US of A). But there is always light at the end of the tunnel. There's always something to be learned and a new door to be opened. And when you find that one thing (whatever it is), you'll know.
ReplyDeleteWe're all in this journey together, and our door's always open and welcome... and the reality show sounds pretty cool. You never know what chain of events will take you home.