Last night my hosts Megan and Geren were telling me about their, "How they found each other" story. I really love those stories. I imagined their story to be a good one and it was. It was heartwarming and hilarious at the same time. Geren told me he believes that marriages are nothing short of miracles..... I think he might be right.
Megan and Geren were about as hospitibul as I could ever ask for. They rolled out the red carpet. One more reminder, of how I am going to have a real open door for people to stay at my place when I get one. I am forever indebted to a lot of friends. And that is fine by me. They will always be welcomed with me.
I did my normal routine of going to the radio stations and hand delivering my resume's. Like most places, the Program Directors are in meetings as soon as I get there. Which is funny, because I never remember the guys I worked for to be THAT busy. But, with the radio down sizing, we have a lot less people with the same amount of work.
There had been an Opening I was told about for a morningshow co-host position in the four corners area. I heard they were mostly getting locals to audition on the air. I figured I might have a leg up. Unfortunately, I missed the guy I was supposed to talk to for that, but I get the sense from the lack of info on the website, that the position was filled. Thats too bad, because I really thought I might hit the jack pot. But there is still plenty of country to see.
Megan and Geren bought me lunch at a great southwestern resturaunt, I had me some green chili in my burrito and I loved it. Mexican food tastes better out here. Afterwards I had to leave, as much as I had a great time, it was time to go to the place I most feared... Gallup.
When I arrived close to Gallup I saw an old Shi Ma (Navajo grandma) hitchhiking with a crutch and a bag of fruts and vegies. I picked her up and took her to her destination. Then I saw a middle aged Navajo man hitch hiking as well. I picked him up too. His name is Jefferson, he was indeed grateful for the ride. He wasn't used to hitch hiking yet. I found that wierd. In Gallup, thats part of the culture. He told me about his life and I immediately went into missionary mode. It was an instinct of mine I guess. We talked and had good conversation, he told me he was in the marines many years ago. I thanked him for his service as he left my car and he turned around and said, "Nobody has ever thanked me for that before..... You just made my day." He left and I shouted "HAGONET!" That means Go in Peace in Navajo.
It felt great to serve the Navajos. I still feel my kinship with them.
For those of you who don't know. I served a mission in Gallup NM. It wasn't the mission home, but thats really the only placed I served......I came back early.... VERY early. Yes, I had an honorable release. I suffered from serious depression that met its culmination out in New Mexico.....It never sat well with me. I LOVED my time out there and I never go a day without thinking about it, nearly 7 years later. I served as HARD as I could and I left no regrets behind....except that I couldn't finish what I started. It took me several years to come back to being a normal person. I atest that defeating clinical depression as my greatest achievement in life..... anyone else would too. By the time I got better, I was old, time to move on. Coming here was the big test for me, to see if I am really ok and moved on. I was terrified of what the truth may hold.
As it turns out, I am ok. I think that I have finally made my peace with my past. Now there is no question in my heart that I had out run the demons that haunted me. It may seem wierd, but this to me, is the most triumphant moment in this journey. As I drove down memory lanes of all the places I used to go, the roads I used to hitchhike, the reservations, the old apartment, church.... Everything. I am doing ok, I only had pleasant memories. It wasn't the hardness of the mission that led me to my struggles, its just where I realized the seriousness of my issues. The beast is gone now, I couldn't be more grateful that I finally won, there is nothing more to prove. The atonement really lifted away those feelings.
I never did get to cross the finish line of a mission, and that monkey has been on my back everyday since. I am ok with him being there. I will never feel like my work is done, like my service has been rendered and I paid my dues. I will always continue to do service, the way it had been done for me. Thats the way I want to live my life.
I spent the night at the Red Rock state Park campground. I got to catch some of the Gallup Rodeo. And I did a tiny bit of country dancing with the Navajos to the country band. But I am so bad at country dancing that I let it go and went to camp. I camped deep down in the desert canyon as far away from civilization as I could. A place that was untouched as possible by people. It was the most pure spot in the park. I was surrounded by dramatic and tall red rocks and mesas. I slept underneath the stars and stared at the brightness and glory. I may not have landed a job today or at all on this trip. But, there is no question in my mind, this was the right thing to do.
scripture: Ephesians 1:7
Megan and Geren were about as hospitibul as I could ever ask for. They rolled out the red carpet. One more reminder, of how I am going to have a real open door for people to stay at my place when I get one. I am forever indebted to a lot of friends. And that is fine by me. They will always be welcomed with me.
I did my normal routine of going to the radio stations and hand delivering my resume's. Like most places, the Program Directors are in meetings as soon as I get there. Which is funny, because I never remember the guys I worked for to be THAT busy. But, with the radio down sizing, we have a lot less people with the same amount of work.
There had been an Opening I was told about for a morningshow co-host position in the four corners area. I heard they were mostly getting locals to audition on the air. I figured I might have a leg up. Unfortunately, I missed the guy I was supposed to talk to for that, but I get the sense from the lack of info on the website, that the position was filled. Thats too bad, because I really thought I might hit the jack pot. But there is still plenty of country to see.
Megan and Geren bought me lunch at a great southwestern resturaunt, I had me some green chili in my burrito and I loved it. Mexican food tastes better out here. Afterwards I had to leave, as much as I had a great time, it was time to go to the place I most feared... Gallup.
When I arrived close to Gallup I saw an old Shi Ma (Navajo grandma) hitchhiking with a crutch and a bag of fruts and vegies. I picked her up and took her to her destination. Then I saw a middle aged Navajo man hitch hiking as well. I picked him up too. His name is Jefferson, he was indeed grateful for the ride. He wasn't used to hitch hiking yet. I found that wierd. In Gallup, thats part of the culture. He told me about his life and I immediately went into missionary mode. It was an instinct of mine I guess. We talked and had good conversation, he told me he was in the marines many years ago. I thanked him for his service as he left my car and he turned around and said, "Nobody has ever thanked me for that before..... You just made my day." He left and I shouted "HAGONET!" That means Go in Peace in Navajo.
It felt great to serve the Navajos. I still feel my kinship with them.
For those of you who don't know. I served a mission in Gallup NM. It wasn't the mission home, but thats really the only placed I served......I came back early.... VERY early. Yes, I had an honorable release. I suffered from serious depression that met its culmination out in New Mexico.....It never sat well with me. I LOVED my time out there and I never go a day without thinking about it, nearly 7 years later. I served as HARD as I could and I left no regrets behind....except that I couldn't finish what I started. It took me several years to come back to being a normal person. I atest that defeating clinical depression as my greatest achievement in life..... anyone else would too. By the time I got better, I was old, time to move on. Coming here was the big test for me, to see if I am really ok and moved on. I was terrified of what the truth may hold.
As it turns out, I am ok. I think that I have finally made my peace with my past. Now there is no question in my heart that I had out run the demons that haunted me. It may seem wierd, but this to me, is the most triumphant moment in this journey. As I drove down memory lanes of all the places I used to go, the roads I used to hitchhike, the reservations, the old apartment, church.... Everything. I am doing ok, I only had pleasant memories. It wasn't the hardness of the mission that led me to my struggles, its just where I realized the seriousness of my issues. The beast is gone now, I couldn't be more grateful that I finally won, there is nothing more to prove. The atonement really lifted away those feelings.
I never did get to cross the finish line of a mission, and that monkey has been on my back everyday since. I am ok with him being there. I will never feel like my work is done, like my service has been rendered and I paid my dues. I will always continue to do service, the way it had been done for me. Thats the way I want to live my life.
I spent the night at the Red Rock state Park campground. I got to catch some of the Gallup Rodeo. And I did a tiny bit of country dancing with the Navajos to the country band. But I am so bad at country dancing that I let it go and went to camp. I camped deep down in the desert canyon as far away from civilization as I could. A place that was untouched as possible by people. It was the most pure spot in the park. I was surrounded by dramatic and tall red rocks and mesas. I slept underneath the stars and stared at the brightness and glory. I may not have landed a job today or at all on this trip. But, there is no question in my mind, this was the right thing to do.
scripture: Ephesians 1:7
I am so insanely proud of you...if that is worth anything.
ReplyDeleteFirst post that made me cry. You did it, bud.
ReplyDelete:) Here's to you.