Day 62 Phoenix AZ song: Boys Don't Cry - The Cure (preferable as performed by Oleander)

This may have been the hardest day. Immediately I began the morning motivated and ready to handle a big town. First I had to clear some evils of a traffic ticket. It turns out I had a court date. I was on the road and I had a hard time remembering things and I forgot it. I called to let them know I was out of town but they didn't care. I was told I have a two week grace period (so i thought) and it was really a two day grace period. So they threatened to revoke my licence and slapped an extra 300 dollar fine. This hurt bad. How bad did I need that money? Very bad.

I felt already like I wanted to quit. I had never felt this close to quiting before. The money it will take to pay off that ticket comes out of the money I had stached to move to another place. My parents will shout "Hip, Hip Hooray" at the thought of me moving to Sacramento and working a No Risk desk job, for the rest of my life. But, I thought I would do todays destination first. reluctantly.

I went to Radio disney where the had a promotions director job opening. The PD was nice, but she informed me that it was already filled. The only other job listing I found in radio in Phoenix was at the rock station. I went there for the promotions position and the same thing, it was already filled friday. That time when I heard it, I got choked up. I almost out of nowhere broke down right infront of reception. This has never even come close to happening. I walked out of the building letting out my LOUDEST grunt of frustration.

Then the local tv station Fox, had contacted me. I thought great, now I am getting somewhere. My old professor called in a favour to speak with someone for me. It was a producer who only wanted to put me on the morning show to talk about my adventure. Honestly I really didn't care to. Not as much as I want someone to take an interest in what it is that I do with my talent. She wanted to have me doing some panhandling in Tempe like I did on Saturday night. I don't want to be someone who makes the economy look bad. I hope that I could be a symbol of hope instead.

So I gave in. I drove to LDS employment office just seeing if I can ask for anything. Anything at all. ANY job. I spoke to the old man in charge. He had me fill out some paper work and informed me that all they can do is offer a class in how to write a resume. And give me a list of job websites to search in. To give me the means to start a job hunt. He then informed what else I already know. Which is, "80 percent of all jobs are recieved by referral. 10 percent are found online".
I thanked him politely as I could for his time and I walked out. I didn't have the patience to hear one more guy try to tell "ME" how hard it is right now. And what it is I have to do to make it. Unfortunately for my purposes, that was a waste of time.

I had felt deep feelings of defeat. I didn't think I would feel them. I thought that I was bullet proof, like I was superman. Not today.
It was then i got a call from a dude I met in church named Jake who i told about my plight. He went and found me someone to talk to. His friends name is Brandon. Brandon had worked in the industry for a few years and is now doing advertising. Brandon was more than helpful. He didn't have a lot of contacts for me, but he had some avenues for me to check out and gave me some ideas of what else I can do with my skills. He showed me what some of his friend he knows have done with their broadcasting skills and encouraged me to keep on keepin' on. And just like that, my day picked up. I did some more resume deliveries and even got to talk to someone in Clear Channel (for the first time with that company) and did it gleefully. I was very positive at that point. I really didn't know how a little bit of positive reinforcement went so far. I was freaked out in how fast I almost just gave up at this point. How could I quit? I am so close, I gotta go out swinging.

I finished the day knowing I spent my time well and I worked as HARD as I could, like most days. I couldn't have tried any harder. And for some reason, I felt better about things, I know somehow, I will survive. Some how some way.

scripture: James 1: 3