This morning I woke with a lot on my brain. Some things very serious. One in particular is that I fear more and more every city I go to, knowing I am that much closer to my finish line. I would keep going until I found a job if I could afford it. But I am officially past budget and now I am living off of helping hands, favors and pan handling. Thats a humbling feeling like I have never known.
No matter how much success, no matter how much love I get, there are still mornings when I wake up in a panic of "what am I going to do?" I am getting close and Phoenix is not looking good as far as opportunity. But tomorrow I hit the ground running delivering my resume.
This is going to be a hard week, from here, Its all big cities. Even the ones that are small, are so close to the big towns that they are just part of the massive conglomeration that is Southern California. All I have left is Flagstaff and Prescott AZ and hopefully something between Vegas. My work is cut out for me.
Some days its hard for me not to fantasize a little bit about what it would have been like if I never went to college and just stayed in Radio and tried to move up from there. I know college was the right decsion..... I know that..... But I still wonder "what if?" But I know that I had out grown the position I was at in CBS sacramento. I have to do better things. Its a must.
Then wouldn't ya know it. I went to church and our sunday school lesson was on the importance of education. The church sponsors and deeply encourages it. I didn't know why I decided it was so important, I didn't really need it for what I am planning on doing in my life. But, I just felt that I should go and get an education. Hearing the words of the lesson really helped me feel better. Its important to me that I don't regret. I learned at college how to think different and how to obtain the knowledge coupled with experience of what it takes to be a man as I see fit. I wouldn't have gotten that from staying in Radio. It was worth the sacrifice. Even under my pathetic job searching condition.
I met some people at church who are looking to help me find some contacts. Non of them have anything definative, but they are certainly giving it their best for me.
I also ran into an old friend of mine from Sacramento named RJ. RJ is possibly one of the funniest and wittiest men I have ever met. we had the same same sunday school class together and he did not dissapoint. Just seeing him there at church gave me an extra incentive to want to give it my best in AZ to find a job.
I wandered a bit in the desert to think. I love roaming around the cactus. I love cactus. I needed to realign myself to finding that missing element of what it is I need to find a job. I need to keep up my prayers and hard work. I know that all of my friends have kept me in their hearts. I can't let them down. I need to press on and give it my all regardless of how bleak it looks from here. I need to go out the way I gotta go out.
scripture: DnC 88:
No comments:
Post a Comment