Day 69 Anaheim C.A. song: Story Of My Life - Social Distortion

Dissapointed myself pretty bad today. You see, I have been pretty proud of myself and work ethic this entire trip. I have barely let any days go to waste, i have been pretty productive and know that I make the most out of every day. If I ever take a break, its because I don't physically have a choice, I need to rest. Today, I didn't. Today, I woke up late. I responded to e-mails, applied more online (which really gets you know where), and I decided to try out my cousins idea of working at Disneyland for the jungle cruise job.

So I drove a late start to Anaheim to Disneyland. I found out really quick that the stereo-type of most male employees being gay at Disneyland, is true. That would be good, there would be little competition between me and the ladies.
But, I did my application and the job I applied for didn't look to be available at the time. There was plenty others, but I don't really think that I would like anything else. I don't much feel like I would want to climb the corporate ladder up there. Nothing against the place, I just feel I would be straying way too far off course. I gotta get back to why I took this journey.

Stuck in L.A.'s insane traffic all day was not the way I wanted to spend my day. I did about nothing else other than the on-line job hunt. Searching, for the jobs that I really really want the most and going to go and get. The cartoon network has a position I might be good for. We will see. As it turns out I do have a good connection with a professional Hollywood sound editor and a gentlemen who works at capital records. It looks like I have a small chance to redeem myself tomorrow, and I better take it. My time is short.

My feet dragged for many reasons. But mostly because of myself. Today, I ran out of steam. I just didn't want to do this anymore. I wanted to go to my parents house and quit. As close to the end as I am, I just wanted it to be done NOW. It was the events that played out on friday that has weighed me down, it just didn't happen the full proofed way I planned it. Thats ok. I just need to pick myself up enough to finish what I started on this trip, and know, that I really came on this trip finish strong. To NOT give up. That is the ONLY way for me to be unsuccessful on this journey, the moment I give it up. Is the moment I fail.

Day 68 Yorba Linda CA song: The World Ain't Slowin' Down - Ellis Paul

I went to church in Huntington Beach. The members were filled with people who look like they are in magazines. There is no question, I am in Southern California. Everyone was attractive and pretty nice. The lessons were taught well and the talks were spoken well. But I wasn't ready. One thing about church is, you only get what you put into it. If you don't come prepared to learn, you get nothing. I may have walked in their humble, but not humble and hungry. I came in their trying to catch up, but felt nothing. I wasn't prepared. I didn't spiritually prepare myself. This is a mistake I cannot afford to make next week.

While at church, I introduced myself to the elders quarum and told everyone what I am doing. And for the third time on this trip, someone pulled me aside and offered to give me a job that would teach me how to talk to people and how to make money to buy expensive bull crap that NOBODY needs. I got a job offer to sell security. Not that I have an issue with those who do that, but if I wanted to do sales, I could do that anywhere. Door to door sales man jobs do NOT require this kind of perseverence to get.

Afterwards I had met with my extended family. All my cousins, Aunts, Uncles and second cousins and such. I have had a very American Experience for the last ten weeks, but today was a latin American Experience. You should know that I am Half Ecuadorian. All of my relatives on my Mom's side of the family are full blooded Ecuadorians. We had a reunion dinner in the back patio of my Uncle Pepe house. Like usual, they all give me a playfully hard time because my spanish sucks. They will never get over that but that is ok, I did let them down. They all have known about my trip and my appearances of TV and my little show at the college I had. They were so proud and excited to have me over. I really miss that part of the family. I really haven't seen most of them in ten years. Its about time I did.

Perhaps my favorite cousin Gustavo, the schmoozer, spoke with me about possible jobs at his place of work, which is Disneyland. He and the rest of the family thought I would be perfect for the jungle boat ride tour guide. I have been told that several times in my life so maybe its time I see what its all about. Of course, Disneyland doesn't seem like my type of place, BUT, I need work, and it does sound like it could be some fun. We will see what becomes of that.

I got to meet my little niese Franchesca who just loved to hang out and I got to see my baby cousin Paola who is a grown woman now. Its a little jarring, but it was so great to see the family and remember where I come from. As hard as I try to be a Red blooded, ford driving, American Road Warrior, I still am a latin American as well.

In the evening I was planning my day for Monday. All of the love I have recieved on this trip has left me with what I need to dig down ONE more time on this journey. I know I haven't been too successful. I know that I may be going about this the wrong way or am just in a bad time. I know that there is NO more competittive job market than Los Angeles.....However, I am going out swinging. Tomorrow, I am going to hit up all of Burbank and show everybody including myself what it is I am really made of.

scripture:Isaiah 5: 19

Day 67 Chino Hills CA song: Help Me Make It Through The Night - Kris Kristofferson

Axel Rose once sang, "Its hard to keep an open heart, when even friends seem out to harm you, but if you could heal a broken heart, wouldn't time be out to charm you."

It took me a long time to really figure what that meant. I think I get it now. Of course, what idiot would take a pearl of wisdom from a disturbed man like Axel Rose. But sometimes I believe its those who suffer the most, understand love the most.

This morning I woke up feeling sick and in pain. So checked back into my remedies of a good ole fashion visit from Mr. Heartache. When you get the blues you gotta do what Johnny Cash would do. And that is get rhythym. I was about to call up my old band "CASH ONLY" the Johnny Cash tribute and book us a HUGE show that was going to wake up Sacramento and let be aware of my arival back home. Then somehow I stumbled onto another Johnny Cash Tribute band in Sacramento called Cash Only. They are really good. Far better than my band, and that is NOT being modest. Somehow in the time that I was gone in Idaho and not playing many shows, they took my spot in the Johnny celebration. That hurt. Musically, that band was all I had left. I guess thats one more thing to move on from.

I checked on-line for the jobs that had recently opened in So-Cal. There were many that match what I am looking for. Except nearly all of them require more experience than I got. One thing about this economy is, that employers are not hiring college grads like they used to. Now they are hiring the most experienced, which in broadcasting is a ton of people. L.A. is probably the most competitive job market for Broadcasting in the United States. Thats not what I need right now to finish off this trip. I searched for hours and I have a few things, but thats not the most pressing thing on my mind.

I stayed last night with my cousin Pamela and her husband Paul. They were very good to me, they gave me a bed and fed me some of the best food ever. I hadn't seen them in ten years, but they never forget that we are family. I really love them. But the biggest treat is that I have never met thier four year old daughter. The daughter calls me Uncle Rockin' Randy. I guess she has watched my videos and thinks of me as a star. Its cute, she is the cutest girl I had ever seen. Full of fun and life.

In the evening I was trying my hardest game face not to think much about the hard times. I was praying for an angel to come and take the pain away...... I think that I got my answer to my prayer. I was sitting outside and out comes my little four year old neise Jackalyn. She came and just sat with me and cuddled with me. I have only known her for just some hours and she loved me unconditionally. I felt the same, I guess thats a family thing. But she couldn't have known what was in my head, I had a good poker face. But she came and comforted me anyway. She taught me patty cake and I read a book to her and colored with her. Then we watched some cartoons and she watched the Office with me. She just enjoyed my company.
What you must know is, I was the youngest in my family. And because I am a dude, nobody ever asks me to baby sit. I have never been comfortable around little children. I never know what to do or say. But, This time, it came naturally. I was very happy. She helped me make it through the night.

scripture: Mosiah 4:11

Day 66 San Bernardino CA song: I'll Never Get Out Of This World Alive - Hank Williams Sr.

What is a happy ending? Is it when the character gets what he has always hoped for? Or when he finds what he really needed? Or is it when the character changes? I don't know what it would be, perhaps, its just the fact that the character can endure.

Well, what many of you don't know, is that this trip wasn't JUST about finding a job. Its exploration. I wanted to see the United States, the historical aspect. Most of the history is kept in museums now. But I wanted to see the different lifestyles and things that are different across the U.S. It is also a time for me to face my fears and put the past behind. You see, I am terrified of driving long distances. I am terrified of the unknown. I am petrified of my past... But still haunted by it.

My three objectives were, to find a job, find a home, and put the past where it all belongs. But how could I do all of that? If I find a job, I guess that means finding a home. No matter where it is that I like, I have to call my new place of work my home. And what would home entail? A place with good weather? Or fun things to do like watch live music or sports? Or is it a place where you become who you are, and the place becomes a little bit of you. Does it matter where you are as long as you are with someone you love? The pretty Red Head I met in North Caralina who had also taken a long journey across America challenged me with this thought.
All of these things that I see and do, when they are not shared with someone I love.....it means nothing. I guess I can appreciate how cool everything in the country is, and I loved the rock n' roll hall of fame, I dug the New York Harbor cruise, I loved Sun Record studios, but I wasn't with a loved one. I had some great friends on some things, and I love them, and those times were meaningful for me. But nothing can compare to having the ONE you love with you. On that thought, it really doesn't matter if you are living in a place that is Shan Gra La. It only matters that you are with someone you love. No amount of things in your life can amount to filling the need that people are born with to have someone to love unselfishly and unconditionally.

Like Johnny Cash said, "A Cardinal sang just for meAnd I thanked him for the Song. Then the Sun went slowly down the West And I had to move along. These were some of the things On which my Mind and Spirit feed;But Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I needFlesh And Blood need Flesh And BloodAnd you're the one I need. So when this Day was ended I was still not satisfied For I knew ev'rything I touched Would wither and would die And Love is all that will remain And grow from all these Seed; Mother Nature's quite a Lady But you're the one I need Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I need."

As you may imagine, my happy ending didn't pan out the way it would have seemed from thursday. Out of respect, I won't go until the harsh details. We had our final dance and thats all I had left to give. Things ended for me knowing that I tried as hard as humanly possible and there was nothing left for me to give. But finally the past is behind. There is still the whole other half of the mountain to climb down, but its over now. I got what I wanted..... My freedom back.

I really didn't know that all of my goals were so perfectly tied together. Just trying to find a home. I guess thats all I ever wanted.

I guess I was wrong about life. You can't completely write your own destiny. You can't choose who you're going to be and where you're going to live. The only thing you can choose, is how far you're willing to go to get what you need.

scripture: 1st Corinthians 11:34

Day 65 San Juan Capistrano song: Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms

Scott took me to see the Las Vegas Nevada temple. It was much more massive than I ever could have predicted. It was beautiful. I had to part ways with Scott and get to work. He is a great friend and always will be. I'll never forget my time with him.

I drove thoughout all of Las Vegas dropping off resumes. Everyone in radio is out of town. People are just too busy these days with all the down sizing.

Afterwards I got a call from a gentlemen in Phoenix. He is a producer/ PR guy for a new tv reality show. A show about some different communications experts who have different emphasis and skill sets trying to work together to use their talents to improve the community. He is interested in having me audition or maybe be a part of the show. It sounded intriguing. We will see where this road can take me. I don't know what to think, this could be what I needed, but its hard to say. We will see what happens when I learn more.



I drove into San Bernardino California. Finally back west. I met up with my old girlfriend Leighann, to whom I hadn't seen in nearly three years. There was a mission between us and alot of heartache. We were set to go see the Gin Blossoms in San Juan Capistrano. Our favorite band together.

I had this night set in motion before the trip was even taken. This pivotal reunion was perhaps just as important as anything else in the entire trip. Leighann has been for years the one I couldn't let go.

The night couldn't have been better, she looked great, made me a nice dinner. We saw the concert and it was AWESOME. We got to high five the singer on stage and take a photo with the singer and guitar player. It was a night I couldn't have predicted or couldn't imagine. It had all the elements of a story book reunion. This night I had plans for it to go one way, but I was pleasantly surprised in that I was willing to let it go another. I'll keep the contents of the discussions private, but from the night it would seem to look like a happy ending to my story. This marks what may be the best day of my trip, and potentially my life. Coming to see her, just felt like.......home.

scripture :TBD

Day 64 Las Vegas NV song: They're Trying to Put an End to Guys Like Me - Gary Allan

Several hours were spent doing my homework. Looking for any and every radio job in the country and E-Mailing. I don't know why I still try that. Then finding every station here in Las Vegas. Then finding the ones in the towns I will be going to. I have become a real starbucks decoration.

I didn't do any in person Job hunting. I needed to take a bit of a load off and reorganize the vehicle and find resume holders, (which don't exist anymore). When I got through with that stuff, my old mission companion Scott took me to see the Hoover Dam. I thought it was pretty rad. I saw the new bridge they are building which looks like it will make traffic coming into Vegas a lot easier and the Hoover dam an even bigger tourist trap. But thats cool, its an impressive sight.

Scott and I had some good discusstions on life. What you should know about Scott is, that he is a former minor league baseball player. He persued his dream, heavily. He never made it to the majors, injuries got in the way. He never doubted that he could have gone to the majors, actually he is quite sure of it. But he found it more important to be with his bride. He found the one thing that was greater than his life dream. I loved hearing his story.

Later on I met my old Highschool buddy Stephanie. I hadn't seen her since graduation and its now been ten years. We went to a park where her 3 kids played in the waterspouts and slides. Its funny how last time we saw eachothi er, our lifestyles were pretty similar, and only due to circumstance, they are now vastly different other than our religion. She is still as sweet as ever. We talked about the joys and challenges of raising a family. I always like hearing what it is like. Steph had three really good looking and healthy kids, living in Las Vegas which aside from the gambling, is a really nice place. Its great to see another one of my friends doing so well. It was great seeing her again.

I capped the night off going to the Las Vegas strip. I have never been there before. Every time I have been to Vegas, I never left the airport. But I parked at the end by the MGM Grand. I walked about one and a half blocks with my video camera. (on a side note, I have filmed a TON of this trip to be edited later for you goons. You better appreciate me looking like a dork in so many places for YOU!!) I saw the most impressive sights I have ever seen. So many bright lights and colors and amazing structures. The place was spackled with Brittney Spears look-a-likes and dudes in expensive hawian shirts holding their hands. Then right there next to me, short dudes everywhere shoving flyers in my face for prostitutes who will be at my door in twenty minutes. I forgot that its legal to do that in Nevada. You know, I have heard all kinds of things about Vegas. Some good some bad. I had never heard that. I have heard some people say, "Its so much more family oriented these days." I don't know where in the country they raise families like that, but in this entire drive, I have never come across those families.
When I found a good spot, that was free of large billboarded porn, I camped out with my guitar, hat, symbol, sign and smile. I used the same sign I used in Tempe to get money for a concert in San Juan Capistrano. That sign makes the sweet ladies really want to give me some change. And all of the Gin Blossom fans. And a few manly Johnny Cash fans. I made a good amount of money here in Vegas. I guess its better the money winds up in my hands than in the casinos. I'll make sure to make the most of it. Las Vegas is the first place that I have come out with more money than I left it with. And I didn't have to gamble a dime.

scripture: Alma 47:36

Day 63 Arizona song: Radio Ga Ga - Queen

Fox local news in Phoenix interviewed me on the corner of Mill and 7th street in Tempe Arizona. The interview was a lot of fun. I was impressed, I felt they were really cool and really wanted to help me out. I was originally skeptical, but I don't know why, they were genuinly out to help me get some pub and I deeply appreciated it. The interview went well and I felt good about it. The reporter and camera man were friendly and I had fun.

Then I went back to Nate's home and packed up and was on my way. Nate was awesome. I really think that if I went to the Phoenix area, I would hang out with him. He gave me an open invitation to come stay with him if I ever come back. I deeply appreciated him taking a stranger into his home and making me feel welcome. I will never forget.

I did my resume dropping routine for a couple more radio statons and CBS out in phoenix. Not much luck as far as speaking to anybody, but we will see.

Next stop is Precott AZ. I really liked Prescott. Its a really isolated and friendly southwestern community. A place to raise a family. I spoke to the radio station out there. All that was there is the one building with several stations in it. I spoke with the Sales manager who seemed to be intrigued by my story. I gave him my selling spiel and he was sorry he couldn't do anything. But he gave me a referral in Flagstaff to someone who might be able to help.

To Flagstaff AZ it was. Flagstaff is another isolated town, but with more trees. And, its a college town. Not a real hip college town like Tempe, Berekely or Boston. But it was cool. Another great place to live. Its got everything you need out there and its not too far from LA, or Vegas or Phoenix. All the radio stations in town were closed before four though. It was pretty sad. No one would answer the door. I figured it must have been happy hour or two dollar tuesday. Finally the last station I went to I caught the last man walking out the door who was the general manager of this station. He was friendly as could be and he let me give him my entire spiel.

"Well sir, I know there isn't much work for jocks out there, because there is not enough money going around. But, here is how I can make you money. The one part of the market that is still growing is the WEB. Its the only part that is growing. But, you need more traffic to get more money from advertising. So, here is where I can come in. I am trained in how to do tv news reporting. I am a one man band, I can write, shoot, edit, interview and find my own stories and be either serious or funny on camera. I can get the community a better voice and have something that the jocks can push for listeners to come on the web. I can be your daily reporter just giving you a reason to come to the web site other than just contests and prizes. You would come and check out the daily video player and the people would raise the traffic on your sites. I can be the guy who finds the sponsorship for that. I can do a lot of things for your station as well. I am trained in board operating, promotions and on-air. I can be what ever you need me to be, and I will make the station more money."

The GM was impressed. "Well, you seem like you're gonna do well. Keep at it, it will pay off. You have been on the road for a long time. Radio as you must know, is not like it used to be. There is no begginner club anymore. The small stations are all automated and the large stations only employ the seasoned vets. Its a different time we live in. Why do you want to do radio so bad anyway?"

"Well sir, because everyday is different. One day, I am shaking hands with one of the local sports atheletes. The next day, I am helping raise toys for the TOYS FOR TOTS. The next day, We are having a fun on air-contest and we laugh all morning long. The next day, I am riding in the back of a stunt air-plane. And the next day, I am haning out back stage with a country star. The next day, we are helping out a small barber business get some traffic. I loved it. I can make a difference in the community and I could have the greatest exeriences non-stop. I get to meet the greatest people day in and day out. Thats why I want to do radio so bad sir."

He smiled and gave me his card. He really wants to see me have a happy ending. He wished me luck and we parted ways as he took my resume on file.

I headed off to Las Vegas where I stayed with Scott my old mission companion and his wife. It was great, they fed me the best mexican haystacks of my life and we spoke of the old folks on the mission field. I was grateful to see a great friend again. Today was a good day.

scripture: DnC 9:8

Day 62 Phoenix AZ song: Boys Don't Cry - The Cure (preferable as performed by Oleander)

This may have been the hardest day. Immediately I began the morning motivated and ready to handle a big town. First I had to clear some evils of a traffic ticket. It turns out I had a court date. I was on the road and I had a hard time remembering things and I forgot it. I called to let them know I was out of town but they didn't care. I was told I have a two week grace period (so i thought) and it was really a two day grace period. So they threatened to revoke my licence and slapped an extra 300 dollar fine. This hurt bad. How bad did I need that money? Very bad.

I felt already like I wanted to quit. I had never felt this close to quiting before. The money it will take to pay off that ticket comes out of the money I had stached to move to another place. My parents will shout "Hip, Hip Hooray" at the thought of me moving to Sacramento and working a No Risk desk job, for the rest of my life. But, I thought I would do todays destination first. reluctantly.

I went to Radio disney where the had a promotions director job opening. The PD was nice, but she informed me that it was already filled. The only other job listing I found in radio in Phoenix was at the rock station. I went there for the promotions position and the same thing, it was already filled friday. That time when I heard it, I got choked up. I almost out of nowhere broke down right infront of reception. This has never even come close to happening. I walked out of the building letting out my LOUDEST grunt of frustration.

Then the local tv station Fox, had contacted me. I thought great, now I am getting somewhere. My old professor called in a favour to speak with someone for me. It was a producer who only wanted to put me on the morning show to talk about my adventure. Honestly I really didn't care to. Not as much as I want someone to take an interest in what it is that I do with my talent. She wanted to have me doing some panhandling in Tempe like I did on Saturday night. I don't want to be someone who makes the economy look bad. I hope that I could be a symbol of hope instead.

So I gave in. I drove to LDS employment office just seeing if I can ask for anything. Anything at all. ANY job. I spoke to the old man in charge. He had me fill out some paper work and informed me that all they can do is offer a class in how to write a resume. And give me a list of job websites to search in. To give me the means to start a job hunt. He then informed what else I already know. Which is, "80 percent of all jobs are recieved by referral. 10 percent are found online".
I thanked him politely as I could for his time and I walked out. I didn't have the patience to hear one more guy try to tell "ME" how hard it is right now. And what it is I have to do to make it. Unfortunately for my purposes, that was a waste of time.

I had felt deep feelings of defeat. I didn't think I would feel them. I thought that I was bullet proof, like I was superman. Not today.
It was then i got a call from a dude I met in church named Jake who i told about my plight. He went and found me someone to talk to. His friends name is Brandon. Brandon had worked in the industry for a few years and is now doing advertising. Brandon was more than helpful. He didn't have a lot of contacts for me, but he had some avenues for me to check out and gave me some ideas of what else I can do with my skills. He showed me what some of his friend he knows have done with their broadcasting skills and encouraged me to keep on keepin' on. And just like that, my day picked up. I did some more resume deliveries and even got to talk to someone in Clear Channel (for the first time with that company) and did it gleefully. I was very positive at that point. I really didn't know how a little bit of positive reinforcement went so far. I was freaked out in how fast I almost just gave up at this point. How could I quit? I am so close, I gotta go out swinging.

I finished the day knowing I spent my time well and I worked as HARD as I could, like most days. I couldn't have tried any harder. And for some reason, I felt better about things, I know somehow, I will survive. Some how some way.

scripture: James 1: 3

Day 61 Mesa AZ song: I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty

This morning I woke with a lot on my brain. Some things very serious. One in particular is that I fear more and more every city I go to, knowing I am that much closer to my finish line. I would keep going until I found a job if I could afford it. But I am officially past budget and now I am living off of helping hands, favors and pan handling. Thats a humbling feeling like I have never known.

No matter how much success, no matter how much love I get, there are still mornings when I wake up in a panic of "what am I going to do?" I am getting close and Phoenix is not looking good as far as opportunity. But tomorrow I hit the ground running delivering my resume.

This is going to be a hard week, from here, Its all big cities. Even the ones that are small, are so close to the big towns that they are just part of the massive conglomeration that is Southern California. All I have left is Flagstaff and Prescott AZ and hopefully something between Vegas. My work is cut out for me.

Some days its hard for me not to fantasize a little bit about what it would have been like if I never went to college and just stayed in Radio and tried to move up from there. I know college was the right decsion..... I know that..... But I still wonder "what if?" But I know that I had out grown the position I was at in CBS sacramento. I have to do better things. Its a must.

Then wouldn't ya know it. I went to church and our sunday school lesson was on the importance of education. The church sponsors and deeply encourages it. I didn't know why I decided it was so important, I didn't really need it for what I am planning on doing in my life. But, I just felt that I should go and get an education. Hearing the words of the lesson really helped me feel better. Its important to me that I don't regret. I learned at college how to think different and how to obtain the knowledge coupled with experience of what it takes to be a man as I see fit. I wouldn't have gotten that from staying in Radio. It was worth the sacrifice. Even under my pathetic job searching condition.

I met some people at church who are looking to help me find some contacts. Non of them have anything definative, but they are certainly giving it their best for me.
I also ran into an old friend of mine from Sacramento named RJ. RJ is possibly one of the funniest and wittiest men I have ever met. we had the same same sunday school class together and he did not dissapoint. Just seeing him there at church gave me an extra incentive to want to give it my best in AZ to find a job.

I wandered a bit in the desert to think. I love roaming around the cactus. I love cactus. I needed to realign myself to finding that missing element of what it is I need to find a job. I need to keep up my prayers and hard work. I know that all of my friends have kept me in their hearts. I can't let them down. I need to press on and give it my all regardless of how bleak it looks from here. I need to go out the way I gotta go out.

scripture: DnC 88:

Day 60 Tempe AZ song:King Of The Road - Roger Miller

Not much to tell as far as work is concerned. In a city as huge as Phoeniex, I would have hoped there would be more jobs posted. Only a couple in promotions and of course a few in sales. Thats ok though, I have a good resume in promotions and I love doing that in radio. Its almost as fun as being on the air, and I think that a foot in the door would be better than nothing at all. Plus, I love the dusty southwest.

When I arrived at AZ, my good friend Karen found me a place to stay across the street from her home at some bachelor pad. The host who had arranged my accomodations is name is Nate. He is a good ole laid back surfer dude. Nate, has been nothing short of the incredible people I have met on my journey. He gave me bedding supplies, a breakfast and took some time to get to know me as well as me him.

In the afternoon after my online job hunt, he took me with his friends down the salt rive to go sit in a tub and float down the river. This was scary for me because the last time I floated down a river, I came within inches of my life from drowning. But, Nate and his friends tied there floaty tubes down to mine so I couldn't move astray. I had a great time. The river was of course filled with booze and tatoos, but, the scenary out side was incredible. Its the only river I know that is filled with Cactus around the river. It has the amazing southwestern landscape of tall mesas and swarrow and a really calm and mildly chilly river. The river was fun, but the fact that I was taken to it and was made so welcomed in the group, was even better. I loved that the most.

I had a dream when I was at Nate's nice home. I looked out his kitchen window and I saw a magnificent view. It was just past the street I saw some tall palm trees and large mesas in the background and some mobil homes inside. I thought to myself. "Gee, I wish I could live in a humble little mobil home park with some trees like that, with all my friends in my neighborhood. I wouldn't need much in my life. I don't need a large house in a posh neighborhood to be happy. I would need to have neighbors I love with love in the home. We would have some small but relentlessly energetic dogs and we would bar b que together every weekend. The dudes would talk about sports and we would lite off fireworks into the southwestern sky, for no, or very little reason at all. We would all have porch swings and our little community would be to do nothing but help eachother out. It would be great."
I don't know why I had that fantasy. Something about the southwest just gets into me and gives me visions. And No. I have NOT being taking peoti, unlike what you may be thinking. I think some times Arizona can be every part the "Land Of Enchantment" that New Mexico is.

The evening I was invited to a party with a bunch of hot singles...... It didn't take my interest. I wanted to explore AZ some. There were no sports, rock n' roll or anything going on that I really wanted to do. So I went to tempe on "Mill Ave" which is the main drag of Tempe. Its like a santa cruz or an austin where there is a lot of little wierd shops and places to eat and bars to hang out at. And lots of pan handlers. I have to purchase some tickets I reserved for a concert in So Cal to see the Gin Blossoms, because I promised and old girlfriend that I would take her. So I panhandled with a sign stating exactly what I was looking for. The sign generated some sympathy and made my Cash for Cash do really well. I didn't make all the money I needed but, I am certain that I will in Vegas. It was just fun to do that with all the other creative pan handlers roaming about.

I spent the later part of the evening thinking and shootin the breeze with a dear friend on the telephone. As I roamed around Tempe, I realized, there is not a part of anywhere that I don't like it seems. Every nook and cranny is just beautiful to me. I had a great day.....and night.

scripture: 3rd Nephi 12: 5

Day 59 NM to AZ song: 1000 Miles from Nowhere - Dwight Yoakum

I woke up this morning to the rising sun of New Mexico. It felt like I was entering the Heavens gate. I felt huge, like it was all for me. Perhaps, because I was the only one around while the sun illuminated these huge rock formations steep and smooth. I figured out that New Mexico really brings the Hippy out in me. For some people, its surfing, or just the islands, for some its the woods or the golf course or the mountains. For me, I know that it is New Mexico.

I hit the ground running looking for work in Radio in Gallup, I wanted this one BAD today. I tried to sell myself to the secretaries as usual. And they were friendly. One said that they weren't there, but she offered me some orange juice and some promotional life water. That was nice. The other station I went to had nobody in there but the jock. I waited for someone to come out and a cat jumped on me as another one walked by, IN THE RADIO STATION. The jock yelled out to me, "Nobody is here, they are all out to lunch!" I decided, that it wasn't worth coming back. I don't mind cats at all, but I ain't gonna work in a place with cats roaming about. Although it would be funny.
The last station of the day, the program director spoke with me. He and his staff are bitter about the radio industry. I can't blame him, but he thinks its really the fault of the programers. I half way agree with him. But he took an honest interest in my resume and politely said, "If anything opens up man, I sure to give you a strong consideration."

The rest of the day, I went searching for individuals I know. I couldn't find anyone. Phone numbers had changed and people had moved. The only people I could find were the investigators who weren't too interested. I would have visited, but what would I say, I certainly can't play the missionary card again.

My older brother called last night and was making sure i was NOT going to come to Gallup. Most of my friends really never understood what had transpired in my life at that time. I guess the truth was hard to understand. Most everyone outside my religion felt it was the worst thing that happend to me. That I sacrificed a girl I loved, a job that was great and a spot in the Hottest band in Sacramento, The Jackie Greene band. Some people still remind me that if it wasn't for the mission..... Now as I see Gallup and enjoy it so much, I now remember how the real traumatic memories were coming back to Sacramento. Losing the mission was the hardest part. Its easy for me to remember why now. I just loved the Navajos.....unconditionally. I was meant to be there. I would have done anything for them...... I still would. I would dare anybody to ask me if I would do it all over again.

I loved my day in Gallup, even though there were no jobs, I loved seeing how the town had really cleaned up its image. Its much nicer and BIGGER. Much more of a tourist trap than before. The economy seems to be doing fine there. Oddly enough because when the economy was great, it seemed to be doing awful.....Wierd.

I dragged my feat as I went to Arizona. I skipped Flagstaff, I'll tag it on my way back up to Las Vegas. But I did see the Petrified forest and the painted Desert National Park. It was terrific. SO terrific that I sped through just five miles of it and turned around. I don't want to experience everything by myself. I want to save somethings for when I have someone with me. Besides, sometimes the greater the experience is, the more it sucks when you are by yourself.

I took 87 the B highway to Gilbert AZ. It was darkening with overcast. I had no idea how many mountains there is in AZ. But its impressive. I saw a really dramatic sight for a long drive going to AZ. I love the southwest. Its the best. People ask me if I am getting tired of driving. NEVER! If I could do it for a living (if its not a big truck) I would consider it. I love the open road. I can just think and have the greatest chains of thought run through my head about anything. Its been the greatest thing ever. And I decided if I ever became a writer, I would move to New Mexico or Arizona. The sky would be the greatest inspiration for me.

scripture:Ether 4:1

Day 58 Gallup NM song: Rest Of My Life - Less Than Jake

Last night my hosts Megan and Geren were telling me about their, "How they found each other" story. I really love those stories. I imagined their story to be a good one and it was. It was heartwarming and hilarious at the same time. Geren told me he believes that marriages are nothing short of miracles..... I think he might be right.



Megan and Geren were about as hospitibul as I could ever ask for. They rolled out the red carpet. One more reminder, of how I am going to have a real open door for people to stay at my place when I get one. I am forever indebted to a lot of friends. And that is fine by me. They will always be welcomed with me.



I did my normal routine of going to the radio stations and hand delivering my resume's. Like most places, the Program Directors are in meetings as soon as I get there. Which is funny, because I never remember the guys I worked for to be THAT busy. But, with the radio down sizing, we have a lot less people with the same amount of work.



There had been an Opening I was told about for a morningshow co-host position in the four corners area. I heard they were mostly getting locals to audition on the air. I figured I might have a leg up. Unfortunately, I missed the guy I was supposed to talk to for that, but I get the sense from the lack of info on the website, that the position was filled. Thats too bad, because I really thought I might hit the jack pot. But there is still plenty of country to see.



Megan and Geren bought me lunch at a great southwestern resturaunt, I had me some green chili in my burrito and I loved it. Mexican food tastes better out here. Afterwards I had to leave, as much as I had a great time, it was time to go to the place I most feared... Gallup.



When I arrived close to Gallup I saw an old Shi Ma (Navajo grandma) hitchhiking with a crutch and a bag of fruts and vegies. I picked her up and took her to her destination. Then I saw a middle aged Navajo man hitch hiking as well. I picked him up too. His name is Jefferson, he was indeed grateful for the ride. He wasn't used to hitch hiking yet. I found that wierd. In Gallup, thats part of the culture. He told me about his life and I immediately went into missionary mode. It was an instinct of mine I guess. We talked and had good conversation, he told me he was in the marines many years ago. I thanked him for his service as he left my car and he turned around and said, "Nobody has ever thanked me for that before..... You just made my day." He left and I shouted "HAGONET!" That means Go in Peace in Navajo.

It felt great to serve the Navajos. I still feel my kinship with them.



For those of you who don't know. I served a mission in Gallup NM. It wasn't the mission home, but thats really the only placed I served......I came back early.... VERY early. Yes, I had an honorable release. I suffered from serious depression that met its culmination out in New Mexico.....It never sat well with me. I LOVED my time out there and I never go a day without thinking about it, nearly 7 years later. I served as HARD as I could and I left no regrets behind....except that I couldn't finish what I started. It took me several years to come back to being a normal person. I atest that defeating clinical depression as my greatest achievement in life..... anyone else would too. By the time I got better, I was old, time to move on. Coming here was the big test for me, to see if I am really ok and moved on. I was terrified of what the truth may hold.



As it turns out, I am ok. I think that I have finally made my peace with my past. Now there is no question in my heart that I had out run the demons that haunted me. It may seem wierd, but this to me, is the most triumphant moment in this journey. As I drove down memory lanes of all the places I used to go, the roads I used to hitchhike, the reservations, the old apartment, church.... Everything. I am doing ok, I only had pleasant memories. It wasn't the hardness of the mission that led me to my struggles, its just where I realized the seriousness of my issues. The beast is gone now, I couldn't be more grateful that I finally won, there is nothing more to prove. The atonement really lifted away those feelings.

I never did get to cross the finish line of a mission, and that monkey has been on my back everyday since. I am ok with him being there. I will never feel like my work is done, like my service has been rendered and I paid my dues. I will always continue to do service, the way it had been done for me. Thats the way I want to live my life.



I spent the night at the Red Rock state Park campground. I got to catch some of the Gallup Rodeo. And I did a tiny bit of country dancing with the Navajos to the country band. But I am so bad at country dancing that I let it go and went to camp. I camped deep down in the desert canyon as far away from civilization as I could. A place that was untouched as possible by people. It was the most pure spot in the park. I was surrounded by dramatic and tall red rocks and mesas. I slept underneath the stars and stared at the brightness and glory. I may not have landed a job today or at all on this trip. But, there is no question in my mind, this was the right thing to do.



scripture: Ephesians 1:7

Day 57 Aluquerque/ Santa Fe song: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2

I woke up to a text informing me that the rock station in Roswell wants to interview me on the morning show sharing my experiences and offering a hotel room. Unfortunately, I had already left town and was too far away, but that would have been a lot of fun.

I stayed last night with a guy named John. He is the roomate of a guy who knows a girl who knows a guy I know. Swing Connection. He was very hospitibul gave me a nice bed and breakfast and left me with a snack pack for the road. Awesome!

Albuquerque has had some serious radio consolodation. All of the stations are in two buildings and that is it. Radio stations used to be privately owned and small organizations until 1995. The telecommunications act was signed so that people could own several radio stations in a given market and put them all in one building. Then they were run by rich white dudes in New York who were all about sales and business who had no interest in radio. This marked the beggining of the end of radio as we once loved it.

I hate to sound politcal. I am not a Bill Clinton hater. I appreciate him serving our country and he did some terrific things. Which I would thank him for if I ever met him. But then I would grab him by his FAT neck and stare him in the eye and demand he apologizes to the world for signing the act that ruined one of the greatest contributions to culture in our society.

Needless to say, my efforts to get in these large radio buildings were futile at best. Receptionists don't care to help a brother out. They were never jocks, they don't understand. I left Albuquerque feeling unsuccessful. So I stopped on by the Albuquerque Temple for a moment of peace. Every moment in New Mexico is a moment of peace, but even more so when you are at the temple. I love its beauty, its solitude and color. It compliments the land like most of the southwest does. I had some good strong feelings that I am on the right path.

I then found I had an encouraging e-mail from Jeff the General Manager in Columbus Ohio, telling me not to give up, That I am a talented man and that I will find good work and I will do great in the business. Boy! did I need that. Especially from a guy so powerful in the radio industry.

Its a funny thing. In my life, I have delt with serious self confidence issues. I never believed I was any good at radio, guitar, vocals, TV, Writing or anything I did. I only felt that I was good in fooling people who didn't know better. Before I took this journey, I still had some of that in me. I still doubt my self constantly. But now, I fully believe I could do great things in radio. That I could become an extremely valuable asset to any market. But oddly enough, for the first time in my life, nobody is giving me a chance. When I didn't believe in myself, everyone else did. Now that I do have faith, well, nobody is giving me the chance. Thats ok, I will march on.

Just after that I recieved a phone call from my Mother. She informed me that I got a letter from a radio station and an application from a station in Amarillo Texas. If that isn't a kick to the pants, nothing is. I don't know for sure what it means to have an official application overnighted to your house, but imagine its not a bad sign. I believe the Trigga Man was right when he told me the most intriguing point of the journey should be at the nexus where the journey crosses. Which is Amarillo. America's arm pit. But, beggers can't be choosers, the market size isn't too small, I may learn to love it yet.................................please kill me.

Santa Fe has great stations, I dropped off my stuff there. At least the receptionists are nice. But of course, program directors are ALWAYS at a meeting or out to lunch no matter when you show up. Thats ok, I do what I can.

I spent the rest of the evening driving to my friends Megan and Geren's home in Aztec, where I have another lead to follow. Its nice to have a good couple to stay with, we shared stories and had some laughs. I can't believe how blessed I am to have the people in my life. I don't know how I got this lucky in my life, but I sure do appreciate it.

scripture: TBD

Day 56 Albuquerque NM song: Alien - Bush

The best sleep I have had all journey was in the roswell campground. It was heavenly. So cheap and so accomodating. I spent my morning as usual in the starbucks using the internet and mapping out my day. I have become one of those dorks who wears tight black and a beret and orders a very particular coffee as they spend hours typing away on their lap top. All of that except the coffee, tight black and beret.

The first station I went to went like this. "Sorry, WE DON'T TAKE CALIFORNIANS ANYMORE!! Haha, sorry, just messin' with ya. You came all the way out here for a job? Well, we do have a position opening, I don't know if its part time or full time, but I will listen to what you got and we will see from there. You do know there is NOTHING to do in Roswell."
"There is for me." I replied.

The next station was a T.V. station. Marcus the engineer spoke with me. He was generous with his time and told me stories of friends he knew who started in tiny towns and in no time, went to the big top. He also gave me some contacts to explore around New Mexico. I only had time for a couple, but he really wanted to help me out as much as he could. He informed me that the tv station doesn't do local news anymore. They only had one opening for a reporter a month ago and its been filled. All the stations in New Mexico just pipe in Albuquerque's news. Consolodation has gotten to the tv world. There is no voice for the little town.

I stopped at one more station in Roswell. The station that had all the popular stations. I was greeted by a dude named Joe who looked like the angry rock n' roll comedian from the 80's Sam Kineson. He was hilarious and bitter about what corporate America had done and is doing to radio. He spoke quick and was lightening witted. He is a rock jock who seems very talented. He is a bit of a pessimist of the radio industry though. He said that us jocks are a dying breed. And in ten years, there will only be ten of them left. Of course he was exaggerating, but I know what he meant, and I don't blame him for being angry.

Joe introduced me to his boss the morning show host, program director, general manager, sales manager and probably more. He name is Caiti, she was awfully nice to give me her time. She has only worked at that station and it is independantly owned. we spoke of radio and how much that independant stations are the only ones left who have the soul of radio. She was way cool. She like many of the others told me that if she had a job opening..... Which I don't mind hearing, because at least people are taking me seriously.

Before I left Roswell, I checked out the alien museum. Its ok. The whole alien tourist trap is a little dissapointing. Roswell is a town that could really do a lot to become a bigger and better town. I honestly believe I wouldn't mind living there, because I know that I can make that place a more happening town. It just needs a touch of rock n' roll in their diet and they are good to go. I think I would have fun trying to bring together the community in their area.

Roswell has possibly the coolest music store I have ever been too. And they have openings for guitar instructors. If I needed a second part time job if I got one there, I know that I could get one and do well.

I left Roswell for another hour in the desert to Riodoso NM. A smaller town out in the mountains in NM. Very isolated. Nobody was there to speak with, but I left my material anyway and was off to Albuquerque.

I have been to Albuquerque before. Its where my mission home was when I served. I never really served much in Albuquerque. Just a couple of days if I remember correctly. I remembered the town being much bigger than it is. Thats ok. I love the landscape of Albuquerque. I dig the southwest. My friend Michelle from Albuquerque pointed me out to some of the cool things to do out there, but there really isn't any touristy things outside of the baloon festival. There was a college town scene and of course a music scene. But I didn't take any interest oddly enough. I just fell in love with the night air. I went out to a bluff overlooking the brightlights and big city of Albuquerque. It was very much a place that a teenager would have taken his girlfriend..... I of course was alone.... Thats ok, I wanted to soak it in. Once again, there really isn't much to do in New Mexico. But I can't help but love it. For no reason at all. It feels like home. The night sky is the best I have ever seen. Its almost intoxicating. I feel like I am in a Pink Floyd song out there, so connected with the stars. Like I said before, this is definately a good place for an alien to come and visit.

scripture: Enos 1:4

Day 55 Amarillo To Roswell NM song: Amarillo By Morning - George Strait

Last night, my tent completely collapsed on me. I vaguely remember it, but when it happend I said to myself, "ahhhhh screw it." Then there was a thunderstorm I guess because my tent was completely wet and not water proof. When I got up I spent at least 2 minutes trying to find my way out of my collapsed and we tent. Worming my way around until I found my zipper. When I arose from my fallen home I was being watched by two different camp sites. They didn't know whether to feel bad for me or laugh histerically. Eventually they all chose laughter. One of the camp groups was very hippy and I suspect in the middle of cleaning out their bongs when they watched me get up. the other was a family who looked like Ward and June Cleaver with their perfect children. The Hippy group said, "whoa, it was like watching an adult being born! Only, coming out of a little wet cacoon." While laughing they all expressed concern and one even got me a towel. Oddly enough, I was fine, I wasn't cold or sick. Just a little wet. To them this was wierd. To me it was Monday. The funny thing for me is, the only other time my tent collapsed was in Amarillo, which is where I am again. Amarillo is the Nexus of the trip. Because its the only place where my path actually crosses. Amarillo, is a perfect place for a nexus.

After I dried my self, the tent, my things and got showered and washed clothes, I was takin' care of business. I got my oil changed again and my tires rotated. That to me is really all Amarillo is good for. I can't stand it out there. I imagine, if ever I choose that I want to die a slow death, I will move to Amarillo, take up drinking Jim Beam and listen to Tobey Keith, NON STOP. Its a stinky, hot place with nothing but a famous red neck restuarant. This is really the only city in the nation I have seen that I want nothing to do with. HOWEVER. I still did my business and delivered resumes. I delt with careless receptionist after receptionist. Only one who actually cared enough to help me out, I think that was because she is a recent college grad too. But I didn't mind too much getting shafted. I'll tell you why. Because, looking for a job in Amarillo, is like going on a date with a girl you have NO interest in at all. But, because you're a nice guy, you give it your best shot because you never know. But no matter what happens, at the end of the date, you're praying that she NEVER calls you.

I went out west to New Mexico. I first went to Fort Sumner because I was told it was a good size small town. It wasn't. It was too tiny for a radio station. Nothing there for me. But, I did check out the Billy the Kid museum. For those of you who don't know, that is where Billy was Shot dead by Pat Garrett. I also visited his grave. The museum was mostly stuff that existed while he was alive and articles written about him. And a lot of stuff that existed several decades later. The only thing they had of Billy's was his rifle. Still, I dug it. One thing I found interesting, was according to the stories I read there, the movies they made "young guns" were actually fairly accurately done. They were dramatized sure, but they had mostly historical facts in there. Which cracks me up because growing up I was always told that those movies had little to no truth in them. I don't know people get ideas and pass them as facts because it makes sense in their minds. Anywho, score one for Hollywood.

I decided to travel south. I wanted to See Roswell NM. All I know of Roswell, is that its a market that would be a reasonable start for me in broadcasting, and there was alien landings there and government coverups.
The town thrives off the Alien hunting tourism. Its pretty cool, they have alien museums and gift shops and coffee shops. Even the Fast food joints are all about aliens. Its awesome. It mostly appeals to little kids and pot-heads. Or people who think somewhere between a little kid and a pot head......This is where I come in. I love the alien thing they have, its really fun.
As it turns out, there is absolutely NOTHING to do in Roswell at night, NOTHING AT ALL. No sports or music or anything you can imagine, not even a movie theatre. And as it turns out, the myth of the alien landing was only because it was a goverment air baloon that went haywire at night but looked like a UFO. That is the most excepted theory, but some choose to believe that it could have been aliens. I really don't have an opinion.

However, for some reason, I love this place. New Mexico is the most peaceful place in America, in my opinion. I can't think of any logical reason, but I hope to land a job out here someday. I know I can be happy here. Maybe even raise a family here. Its not real rich, but its not a ghetto either. It just kinda feels like.....home.

I have been star gazing, (alien watching) for a while on the hood of my car like in Wayne's World.(don't you dare laugh at me right now, I am having a moment) And I think I have one good arguement for the Alien believers. It is that, If I were a space exploring Alien, trying to get away or find a peaceful place. I think New Mexico is where I would land too, if I were from another planet.

scripture:2nd Nephi 4:15

Day 54 Oklahoma song: Learning the Hard Way - Gin Blossoms

Church this morning was in an Elementary School. The real church was under serious renovation, so I had church in elementary school cafeteria. I met some nice guys out there. One dude named Spencer in particular immediately wanted to help me in my quest. And after five minutes of knowing me offered me his number offering any help he could give. I am always humbled by the kindness of strangers.

Off to Amarillo by way of Route 66. This was the reason I took this trip. And now, I finally get to do it. I broke the Sabbath to check out the Route 66 museum for 3 dollars. Loved it, I really love the whole story of route 66. Ever since I read the Grapes of Wrath and books on 66 for so long. I don't think my road trip actually satisfies any of that to me. I won't have much of it at all on my journey. I am just too zig zagged. I will have to do another journey through sixty six someday. Hopefully, that time with my wife.

I saw the Biggerst Crucifix on the western hemisphere in Texas. Its in the middle of nowhere of 66. I had never heard of it until that afternoon. One thing about the south is, its REALLY Christian. But in some cases to a fault. Some of the Religious paraphanellia to me seems almost more disrespectful then reverent. Some billboards and such I have seen almost seem to mis-represent the savior. When I saw this cross off the highway that looked like it was built from tin roof material. I expected this to be a monument of blasphemous things. But it wasn't. This cross out in the middle of NOWHERE texas, was actually very tastefully done. A lot of money was spent to show reverence to what it represents. It had lots of statues telling the story of Christ's last day. My hat was off.

Because of the Slowness of 66, I got to thinkin'. How much I have enjoyed this journey. How I don't want it to end. EVER!!! I have loved it too much. Maybe I can find a career where I just travel. But I can't, I don't want to choose to stay single forever. I walk into this canundrum of how much I like to travel on my own. But when I get to a place that is REAL COOL, is when I get lonely. Not that I mind, I love this journey. In fact, it really gave me a travel bug. I used to hate, driving long distances. Honestly, and I was terrified of taking this trip, but I knew I had to do it. Now, I can't get enough of it. Even the boring states are beautiful to me. I have fallen for America. One City at time.

scripture: 1st Nephi 10:13

Day 53 Oklahoma City song: Route 66 - Bobby Troup

Didn't want to leave Kansas City, but funds are low, time is short. And like Merle Haggard, I am a lonesome fugitive. He who travels fatest, goes alone.

I had to skip St. Louis. This made me sad, because I wanted to see the gateway from the east to west. But I had to move south. I went through Missourie and Kansas into oklahoma. People had told me that those states were some of the hardest to drive through. I beg to differ. The route I took was completely pleasant. But that didn't matter because on the phone my good friend Michelle accompanied me most of the way. Michelle is a good friend to have. Someone who you can trust to speak anything about. Completely honest and our conversations can go from absolutely meaningless to as deep as you can imagine in seconds. We spoke on the perspective of this trip. Why am I still doing this?
I really don't know what made me take this trip. People like Thermal and Ken in D.C. had asked me, "would you really move to anyone of these towns you get an offer in?" And the truth is, I don't know. I don't feel like I have much choice but to move their. But I have been waiting for my one possible job opportunity from Kalamazoo to call me. I told my friend Steig from Kalamazoo and his response was, "You better find a woman before you get out there. 'Cause you will not find one there."
These are the thoughts that have gotten me lost on this journey. I'm still not sure what I'm looking for. Michelle helped me clear some of these questions up. The decision is that there is many things out on the road that I need to learn that I can't anywhere else. many people I need to meet and things I need to see and do. I guess I always knew that, but some days I focus so much on trying to get a job that, I lose sight of what is all around me.

I got into Tulsa thinking this is where I was going to stop for the day. Tulsa is a nice town. Bigger than I imagined. And pretty clean. Not a ghetto. But I went to the computer to find something to do. And there was NOTHING. Every cool museum was closed. I couldn't find a nice park, museum, music venue, tourist trap, sporting event. I even tried social dancing. NOTHING! So I did my routine of dropping off resumes and moved along to Oklahoma City.

Oklahoma City, much like most cities I have found in the country, is MUCH bigger than I had imagined. In fact, I would go as far as to say that Oklahoma City is the BEST kept secret in the U.S. This place is happening. No joke. I found immediately an area of town called, Bricktown. This was like a classy version of Beale St Memphis or Bourbon St New Orleans. It had a nice river walk next to well designed resturaunts and a movie theatres and clubs. The music scene out here is a SENSORY OVERLOAD. I almost had a heart attack. Do I go check out the dueling pianos? The lonesome sax player? the Smokey jazz lounge? The Rock Venue? the Blues band? The country band? The accoustic cover song dude? Where do I go? I wished I could clone myself like Micheal Keaton in Multiplicity. And it was all classy, almost family friendly. Tried to see it all. I loved it. But as the night rolled on, the demographics changed. It went from families to single and desperate people. Dorks with popped collars and women who have daddy issues. My enthusiasm was attenuated to doing a complete 180. I felt I would be happier somewhere else. Besides, I didn't have money for that kind of fun.

However, I did check out the blues band playing in the park. The band was a pretty text book blues band, good but nothing to write home about. After playing in the Jackie Greene band as long as I did, I became a real music snob. But I was very entertained by the folks dancing to the slow blues. Unlike in Kansas city, I was NOT going to be apart of this dancing. It comprised mostly of single people in their 50's whering tank tops, and mullets. Both male and female. And dancing very suggestively while intoxicated with papst blue ribbon. It was like watching a race car wreck. You don't want to see it, but dang it, as long as its going on your not going to miss a SECOND OF IT! I sat there hoping that when I am 80 years old, some 20 year old couple will vomit at the sight of me dancing to blues in the park with my 80 year old wife, moving just slightly inappropriately.

All and all. Oklahoma city is a good place. I unfortunately can't do any job hunting while here. I forced myself to keep a schedule. I have to be in Sacramento by the fourth of July. That means, I have to keep moving. But now I am on Route 66 (actually 40) which was the beggining of this whole trip I was intending to take. It seems so tiny after being on the road for nearly 8 weeks.

scripture: Matthew 5:45

Day 52 Kansas City M.O. song: Kansas City - Little Willie Littlefield

I felt pretty gross and uncomfortable in my car as I pulled out of Hannibal Missourie in the morning. But I already had a late jump on the day. No time for anything, I had 4 more hours of driving before my early appoinment in Kansas City.

Once again, I pulled in to a town thinking it was going to be much smaller than it was. Kansas City is HUGE. I really didn't know. But I quickly fought through traffic and met my contact at the local fox news station. His name is Thermal and is an accountant for Fox. Jeffrey from Columbus sent me to him. Thermal could not have been friendlier and more helpful. He seemed almost as excited to meet me as I was him. He took me to his buddy Larry's office where we just discussed radio and tv. They listened and respected my ideas. It felt great. They already knew way more about me than any of my other contacts did. They have been checking on the blog for a little while and they watched my interview of Fox. They were impressed. I can tell they wish they had something for me, but Thermal informed me that the station they are working at, 3 years ago employed 200 people. Now they are down to 50. But, he introduced me to the News Director anyway.

The News Director was a man named George. Just by looking at him, you can tell he is ALL business, and his time is valuable. I was right. He was nice enough, but I knew that he was going to be a real broadcasting Simon Cowell, not afraid to speak the harsh truth and will say it as instantly as he thinks it.
"Well, your first mistake is trying to get a job in Kansas City. We wouldn't hire you if we were hiring. Maybe not even entry level stuff. You gotta pay your dues in a small market. Kansas City is going to be your 3rd or 4th market jump. You need to take that first job in one of those places you mention like Kalamazoo, or Clarksburg or Gruene. Or try Yuma Arizona.
Now lets look at your resume......First thing, Get rid of ROCKNROLLRANDY@HOTMAIL Thats unprofessional. You want to be taken seriously you need to have an e-mail that says rcpeterson at hotmail or something. Other than that, your resume looks good. You have a good amount of experience and it should land you a job somewhere.
Next lets look at your demo reel."
(George is the first person to look at my demo reel while I was there to watch. When you open my demo reel the first thing that pops up is the menu put to some quiet rockabilly guitar).
"You already lost the job. Why is there rockabilly music there? It doesn't make sense. You only have 30 seconds to get my attention and you don't want to confuse me in that time. But, since this is only a practice, I will watch one of your clips anyways.....(he watched a news story I did) You can't call something a NEW TRADITION, that is an oxymoron....... Other than that, I am impressed. You write really well, you speak well and you have a good presence on camera. You have all the tools that you need. You have what it takes. You just need to improve some of the presentation on your resume and demo reel. And also make sure your answering machine on your phone is professional, you do NOT want something stupid. Is yours professional?"
"Of course!" (as I remember mine says: Hit Paydirt with KDRT, this is Randy, leave me a message, if you're important enough, I will call you back.)

Hearing what George had to say was tough, but I know he was being honest, and when he said something good, you know he meant it.He worked in broadcasting for forty years, he knows his stuff. So I feel I did pretty well all in all. He gave me a contact to explore at KSL in Salt Lake City. He also asked to keep my demo-reel. I just hope its not to laugh at me later. But I think he honestly saw some real potential in me. But, he is going to wait for me to pay my dues first.
He was awfully nice to give me so much of his time. I can tell he doesn't have much especially since he couldn't hire me anyway. And the funny thing is about this trip, I have really seen that those who have the least, often are the ones who give the most.

When that meeting was over, Thermal and Larry left me a HUGE stack of my resume on the counter in nice paper so I never run out. Thermal also left me an envelope with a generous contribution to my funds. My heart sank. I didn't know how to thank him. But he wasn't there. All I can do is keep on keeping on and not let anybody down. I really would hope to land a Job where Thermal works.

Afterwards I hit the ground running at the local radio stations. Kansas City, is radio consolodation at its WORST. They have about 20 radio stations, in about 3 buildings. The older woman at Entercom was less than helpful. I doubt the my air checks will get listened to. If I ever walk into a restaurant before she does, I will let her get her own dang door......that'll show her.
The dude who worked reception at Cumulus radio was cool. He looked like Luke Skywalker and seemed to want to help me. He promised he would personally deliver my resume and gave me a number to call next week to see what his boss thought. Now he is another guy I hope to work with, its that kind of kindness that people want to return.

With that few building and that many radio stations, it doesn't take much to be finished. So I was done in time to spend that money Thermal gave me. First thing, I needed a new shirt. The one I was wearing to all the radio and tv stations is getting worn out and ratty looking. So I got a good deal at target for a sexy stripped shirt. yeeeah. With the rest of the money, I bought a ticket for the Jazz Musuem and the Negro Baseball League Museum. Both AWESOME MUSEUMS. If you are ever in Kansas City and you don't go to those museums, consider your time wasted. You will never regret. The Jazz Museum was plain cool. Especially for me, because for the past year and a half, I have been trying to study and understand jazz. Its hard, even for a blues musician. But I have listened to a ton of legendary Jazz on the road and its finally coming together better. Now when I hear the sounds, I can tune everything out and I can hear what the musicians are trying to tell us. Somewhat. Jazz is an experience that inspires passion, and endurance. I used to say Jazz was just messed up blues.... I was wrong. My Jazz History professor whom I had argued with many times on the subject of jazz, had become so much more intelligent and wisdomatic in my head. I think he was right on more accounts than I gave him credit for.

Just when I thought I should quit while I was ahead, I saw the Negro Baseball museum across the hall. THAT TOO WAS AWESOME! It was inspiring, I didn't know the league started in Kansas City. The museum was powerful and well done, as a lot of museums I have witnessed along the country. But these ones moved me. I didn't know how much MoJo was in Kansas City. When you think about it, Some of the United States greatest contribution to world culture is Jazz/Blues and Baseball, which Kansas City really plays a great role in.

Afterwards I checked into the KOA and got me a shower. I desperately needed it. Then I went to see the Kansas City royals. All the cheap tickets were gone, which upset me because, the game looked awesome. The stands looked to be almost to capacity, and the stadium looked AWESOME. The fans were wild and intense. Every time a Royal would hit a homerun, the stadium would launch fireworks. I decided you can tell a lot about a town by how they get into their baseball teams. I watched and hung out, outside by a scalper named Thomas who thought I looked like Justin Timberlake. He was funny, but he kept pestering people about giving him bus fare. He was just lying to make money. He makes more money lying than I do panhandling by far. I decided not to hang much with Thomas, it made me sick. After all the things people have done for me, to watch someone take advantage of others made me sick.

So I went to the legendary drag of 18th and Vine. I went to the Blue Room. This is the classiest joint I have been to all trip. They had a REAL jazz band there. It wasn't some bunch of White dudes with leather vests and white ponytails playing Jazz. For these guys, jazz was not a hobby, but their commitment to life. They were having fun and communicating to the crowd in more ways than one. This club was rad. I suspect the next time I get serious with a woman, this is where I will take her to impress her. I will take her to a Royals night game and cap it off with a dinner at the Blue Room with some dancing.

Aftwards, I left completely satisfied. Except now I got greedy. I went to one more club across the street. There was the most AMAZING funk band playing for really cheap. The front man was by far one of the most entertaining Individuals I had ever seen, and I have seen a lot. It was like watching Bootsy Collins, Jaco Pestoria and Maceo Parker all in one, with a twist of Flava Flav.
The club was also very classy with a strict dress code. But this one was definately younger. And I was without question. THE ONLY WHITE DUDE THERE!. It was a total juke joint and it was packed with about 200 people. I got some funny looks at first, but when a pretty girl named Tia asked me if I can dance, and I responded with a grin, "DO I !?!?" I got on the floor and danced, and then I WAS IN !!! Suddenly I was popular. Not because I am a good dancer, but I wasn't under stiff competition. A few of the ladies wanted to dance with me. Afterwards a gentlmen asked me,
"Boy, whered you learn to dance like that?"
I responded in my liliest white boy voice, "BYU-Idaho sir."
"Heheh HAaag, boy, Idaho?! You a loong way from home."
"thats wierd, because I was just starting to think I opposite."

scripture: Revelations 2:19

Day 51 Nauvoo IL song: The Long Way Home - Norah Jones

Leaving The Parkers home was hard. Who knows if and when I will see another bed, let along a warm cooked meal. Not to mention, friends that I have no idea if and when I will see them again. But like Celine Dion, my heart must go on.

I drove towards St. Louis by way of Nauvoo IL first. One thing I have not done since being on this trip is go inside a temple. When I got there, I only intended on visiting for a few moments and leaving. But I just walked in without thinking. I just did some work. A lot of work in there, for several hours. I spent time in there just thinking. Thinking about what I am doing and wondering if I got off course somewhere. Or more importantly, where am I supposed to end up. Where is the logical end of this journey? Only a non believer comes to the temple expecting only a logical answer.

While in the temple, many of the volunteer workers were interested in my story when they asked where I was from. One gentleman by the name of Brother Howard asked me, "You look like you speak spanish do you?....Oh well if you did, that would help you on your journey. You need to go to the visiters center and pick up a Book of Mormon from the Sister Missionaries in Spanish. And then read it for 15 minutes a day until you learn it. Even if you don't understand it. Will you do this?"

That is a heck of a thing to try to get a stranger to commit to. Even stranger thing for me to actually commit to. I did exactly as he said. I didn't think about it, I just did it. I met with the missionaries who told me of all of the events going on in town that are free that I just "HAVE" to go see. And I was informed of somebody who would be able to help me on my quest. So I stayed. It was too late to go to St. Louis and get anything done at this point anyway.

I saw a play that was about the upstart of Nauvoo. It was done by senior citezens at LEAST 70 and up. Now, I have always thought it was cute for kids to play adults. But it is so much greater to watch old dudes play young folk. IT WAS AWESOME. You have not seen theatre until you have seen it done COMPLETELY by old people. These people were just retired and have fun just being apart of this fun show. You can't miss it if you go to this town.

Afterwards there was a special free performance by the BYU Ballroom team. I couldn't find the guy everyone was telling me about to meet with. So I had nothing else to do but watch the BYU dancers. I didn't know this but, they were known as some of the best in the country and probably the world. Now I am a dude. I have never willingly gone to watch ballroom unless it was for a girlfriend or something. But I really enjoyed this, and I was by myself. Before I wasn't sure how much it had to do with the company I was with but this time it was just me. And I didn't enjoy this performance because I was checking out the chicks either. Granted I did want to take a couple of them for a spin, (litterally not figuratively) but that was not it. I just enjoyed it.
I'll tell you, if ever any of you ever catch me watching dancing with the stars bymyself, I want you to back hand me and start quoting Jim Mora, Vince Lombardi and Mike Ditka. I fear for my future as a dude.

I spent the night in the town that Mark Twain came from. I am going to have to skip St. Louis for now and go straight to Kansas City. I have an appointment and I can NOT afford to miss those.

scripture: TBD

Day 50 Cedar Rapids Iowa song: Tuesdays Gone - Lynyrd Skynyrd

This morning I accidently let it slip that it was my birthday the night before. Loretta (my host) made me a huge breakfast and asked me what kind of cake I like.

I found that I ran out of my massive stack of resumes. I don't know how to look at that. I gave out all those resume's and I got no jobs, or I have been hard at work. I guess for sanities sake, I will take the optimistic route. But I had to spend a good portion of the day making more resumes and more air-checks. When I got done, I still had plenty of time to get to all of the stations in town. The news station had me sit in the lobby for an hour as I waited for the news director. She came out and said, "Wow, you are really a brave man. I hope your documenting this. I'll tell ya, its the economy is why we can't hire right now. But I promise to take a look at your resume and tell you what I think if I'm interested. But I'll tell you, I have a stack of 300 of these. Good luck, and don't give up, you'll find something."

I have heard those words lots scattered throughout this journey. But thats ok, I don't let it get me down. Now I know for sure that at least she will take a look at my stuff and turn me down because I suck and not because I fell in line with all of the others.

I went to many of the radio stations in town. The biggest one in town had only two Program Directors with about five stations. And both of them were busy being on air when I arrived. That is not a good sign for this town, these were the biggest stations. I decided thats ok, I will leave my stuff anyway. Won't give up, won't give up, won't give up.

When I got back to Loretta and Garth's home, there was a cake baked for me and a present. They left me with a card with 40 dollars in it. I was speechless. I really don't know how to say thankyou to such generocity. I know I need it though. I can't survive without it. They also gave me an Iowa University shirt. Its pretty cool. Now I have a shirt from the Iowa area.

Later on I was set up on a blind date. Luckily for me, she was beautiful. Her name is Mellissa and she works in healthcare for people in Africa. She does a lot of traveling. She is older than me, and she spent a great deal of her life serving others, this is how she found her chi. She is perhaps the most spirtually grounded person I had ever met. We had some pie and spoke of how one can know where you are supposed to be. She had no problem completely opening up and sharing her perspective on the Gospel and telling me all that she feels. She seemed like she has been around forever with how much she knew about life. I envied her perspective and connection to the higher sphere. We spoke on what it is that makes people know where home is. Of course, I couldn't have the answer in one night. But hearing it from someone as intelligent as her, definately helps put things in perspective and gets me to closer to my goal.

scripture: 2nd Nephi 31:20

Day 49 Milwaukee WI song: What Made Milwaukee Famous - Jerry Lee lewis

Last night Scott informed me he is a foot doctor. This is intriguing because I have been walking with a foot brace for the past week. He took a look at my foot and told me I probably just have a stress fracture. I will probably be ok as long as it feels better. Just need to remember to take the motrin Annie gave me.

I spent the morning bugging my friends to get a hold of Scott and his wife after I left. I forgot my phone in my hosts home last night. After I awoke a couple of my friends on the west coast to track them down, they came by the house to let me in only for me to find I had my phone in my back pack. Ask me if I feel like an idiot and I will say "Yes." But, I have only goofed up once in seven weeks so if your laughing, you can just "BACK OFF!!!"

I got to Milwaukee and I hit the nearest Starbucks to check my e-mail. I got a reminder that it is my birthday by a website called, "LDS ROMANCE." The fact that it was them who reminded was pretty back handed. Its like someone shaking your hand and wiping there shoes off on your leg at the same time. I don't even know how they found me and know my birthday. But today I turned 28 and they were the first to remember. Please shoot me now.

Milwaukee had some pretty cool radio stations and it seems that some good musical acts come around here. I spoke my normal routines with the receptionists. But I met my favorite receptionist yet. Her name is Lauren, pronounced "Lowen".
Lauren: "Daaaang boy, you travel faaar. All 'dem PDs are off atta meetin'."
Randy: "Yeah, I always seem to catch them right at the meeting time."
Lauren: "Yeah I promise you thas was really goin' on though. But I'll give 'em yo stuff and it'll find its way into their hands. Are you good?"
Randy: "As good as they come honey. I mean business."
Lauren: " Ha HAAAAAghh, boy you gonna do jus fine in dis business. Where you goin' next?"
Randy: "Iowa City."
Lauren: " Well look out IOWA CITY, HERE COMES RANDY CLIFF PETERSON FROM SACRAMENTO CALIFORNIA. HA HAAAAAAAGGHH. AND ITS HIS BIRTHDAY TOO. EVEN THOUGH HE LOOK LIKE 21 YEARS OLD HE'S 28 TODAY . Good luck, it was nice meetin' wit choo."
Lauren: "Like wise."

Afterwards I checked out the miller brewing company. I did the free tour. It wasn't that interesting. I guess if you don't drink it means nothing to you. But I loved the tour guides thick wiscAAnsin accent. I then saw where the Brewers play. But I didn't have the time to stay for a game. I am running out of money, and I need to move forward. Oh yes, and I found that Sharks brewery was made up for Laverne and Shirley. So I didn't get to visit it, but I constantly had the theme song stuck in my head the entire time I was in Milwaukee. I did like milwaukee though, its pretty industrial and old as can be, but it had a little charm to it. However, I didn't feel like I was going to call Milwaukee home.

I had a long drive going to Iowa city. I stopped at a cool little fifties fast food joint on the way. I used the restroom and found something disturbing. On the wall of the stall I used I read, "911 was an inside job." Under that I read, "Obama voter" pointing to the other quote. Then I read some harsh Anti-Obama statements followed by some racist statements that lead to a statement that read, "Kill Obama." I guess I was no longer in the east coast. Its funny, the first two weeks of my trip I noticed the entire country seemed to be pretty republican. Then I noticed that the rest of the country seemed to be divided or democrat after tennessee. The east coast has a flurry of Obama shirts everywhere. I caught myself wondering if all the love for Obama was because of the person he is or his politics? Then I read the writing on the bathroom reading kill Obama. I caught myself wondering if the hate has anything to do with the person he is or his politics? I have seen a lot of beautiful things in this country. But this was not one of them. I tried to erase the dirty remarks by scribbling over them. I was ashamed. Maybe we haven't come as far as I thought we have.

I got into Iowa City to visit my friends the Parker's. They were my serrogate LDS family who had me over for family home evenings on mondays for a long time. They had me over with welcomed arms. They got a kick out of my Fox interview and watched it several times. We got all caught up and such. They are so good to me, they would have me stay as long as I wanted. I wish I could have all of my friends in one place. I will stay here for one day, I have my work cut out for me here anyway. Then I got to go to Nauvoo then St. Louis. I won't have anybody for another week and a half on this journey. I got to enjoy the Parkers while I have someone.

scripture: luke 2: 10

Day 48 Chicago IL song: Baba O'Reilly - The Who

Woke up to the sounds of the Bumble Bee's Dad singing along to the soundtrack of the Three Amigos, "my little butter cup, has the sweetest smile". The Bumblebee's (Steve) parents were great, they offered me breakfast and sent me on my way, they made me feel more than welcomed.

I had a lot of stations to hit up in Kalamazoo. I did my homework and went to them all and was done early. Nobody was really available to talk with me. One Program Director gave me about two minutes, but that was it. I don't think anything will come from Kalamazoo.

My next stop was Chicago. After the annoying tolls I got to work right away as well. Once again, everyone is TOO busy to speak with me, even after I have been e-mailing everyone ahead of time. Whats a boy to do? I got pretty exhausted in Chicago, so I saw a couple of sights. I went to Buddy Guy's blues bar, and found out that Brother John was hosting a blues jam, but only those who have instruments can join. I did not have a Bass guitar. That would have been AWESOME!!

I also saw where John Dillinger was shot dead. It was infront of a movie theatre. He shot down by a hail of gun-fire by the FBI. You KNOW WHO TIPPED THEM OFF??? It was his freaking girlfriend....... John just wanted to go to the movies....(whose with me?)

Other than that, I couldn't afford to park anywhere else in Chicago. As it turns out, the Chicago Blues Fest is this weekend. I have dreamed of going to that for YEARS. Ever since I was eighteen. But, I can't afford to stick around, I must keep moving forward.

After I felt like I didn't get anything accomplished today, I got a phone call from Kalamazoo.
Program Director: You Randy the gentlemen who left this resume and Air-Check with us today?"
Randy: "Yeeeah"
PD: "Well, I am going to pass this on to a person who is actually looking for a person EXACTLY like you. Your Air-Check is great! You sound like you could be a fun night time jock. I will pass this on to our country station if you don't mind?."
Randy: "No not at all. uuhh THANK YOU!"
PD: "No, THANK YOU!"

So thats cool, a guy who likes my stuff who didn't respond just because someone he knows referred me or because I have been driving all across the country. Also, I had another great connection from Cassie, the lovely girl I met in Boston. Her father is going to recomend me for a job opening in BYU's new broadcasting station.

My good friend Craig Berg (the Berglar) set me up with a place to stay just north of Chicago. His brother Scott and his wife. THEY ARE TERRIFIC. They would do anything for me. I can't believe how nice they have been to me and cool. I cannot describe how loved I have felt on this trip. I wish so badly I could find a way to pay everyone back. I wish I could do for the country what it has done for me. It almost makes me emotional. For now, all I can think of is, trying as hard as I can and giving this trip EVERYTHING I GOT.

scripture: Matthew 22: 37-39

Day 47 Kalamazoo MI song: Wide Open Spaces - The Dixie Chicks

Had a good day in Church, stayed wide awake and analyzed the proclamation to the family. Katie's grandparents sent me away full with some really good left overs of some home cooked goodness. Katie and I said goodbyes of good luck to one another and I was off.

All the way to Kalamazoo Michigan. A long drive through Ohio, way too long. Not one of the more fun drives. I ran into two tolls without any money. I must say Kalamazoo is much smaller than I imagined but I may have some real leads to follow out here. We will see.

I am staying at my friend Steve (the Bumble Bee)' s house. I got to meet his parents the king and queen bee. They are very hospitibul and we watched some sports together. I also met the Bumble Bee's older brother Jason, and when he found out I was a Chris Webber fan (of course I am, I am from Sacramento) I. WAS. IN!! I think the folks from michigan hate the lakers for the same reason those from sacramento hate them. Because we are still upset about game six in the 2002 nba finals. Jason and I got a long great. Then he pointed me in the right direction of some radio stations to hit up for tomorrow. So now I have my day planned.
Thats all I got today. I can't wait to get back to work.

scripture: Alma 32: 42