3 and a half months later Song: We are the Champions - Queen

A few weeks ago, I attended my ten year highschool reunion. Mostly People go who have something to show off. Of course, I had my beautiful lady with me. But I had no job to speak of. However I had a good time, mostly because I was hyped up on pain killers and using a cane to support my busted leg. Don't worry the leg is fine and going to a reunion was no sweat, nobody cared who was doing what, we were all just happy to see eachother.

After the reality show thing went under, I hit the market again looking for work. I found a position with a company called CDI (who works for Intel). They created a job around me using my video/broadcasting skills and creativity. However, months went by and I got no call. So, I began the search all over again. I had interest with CNN to whom I made a wonderful contact with. I also had other places I had good contacts with, but the truth is... I just didn't have enough experience.

I also interviewed for a part time position with my old job at KNCI. I was looking forward to it, I would get to work with some old buddies of mine and really get my foot back in the door of radio. but I interviewed with my old boss Mark, To whom is a black hole to wear good ideas and energy go to die. After that draining experience, I decided I can't go back home. I can still do radio. I don't think radio is dead, I think it is just building something new right now and some stations won't survive, but the ones that do, will catch fire. Radio will be around, but right now is just not the time that I can tap into it. And my old boss is not an individual who will help radio evolve. Radio is not the place where I can thrive right now, but someday it will be.

I had a few connections to the broadcasting industry in Idaho TV. I thought I can hone my skills in the begginner market like George from Kansas City advised for me. So I interviewed at two stations. One, interview I felt I did really well, the other I am not so sure. But just after I interviewed with one company, the other.... Time will tell. But I won't know for a few weeks.

However, all of that is irrellevent. I finally got the call from CDI (INTEL) and was offered the job to be the Online Video Content Manager. I couldn't be happier. Its a job that really allows me to be creative and fun and still move forward with my broadcasting skills. I won't lose time with radio or TV. But that may not matter because, I may really like this job. Besides, it was never about being a famous person, its only about loving what I do for living. I think this job has all the potential to help me love what i do for living. It will require a little bit of traveling, which you all should know how much I love that. It also requires me to learn a lot of great tricks to be marketable to a lot of businesses. I couldn't be more pleased.

I want to thank everyone for this. To the individuals who let me stay in their homes. To those who fed me. To those who spent time to talk with me, to those who gave me inspiration and hope, to those who read my blog, to those who I call friend or family. I thank you for all that you did. Maybe the trip didn't ultimately equate to a job, and that is fine. I think it did lead me on the path that got me the job, and that path and ain't been finished yet. I have a whole lot of living to do first.

I will still blog about the job and let y'all know how it is going. I don't actually begin until nov 30th. Thank you everyone. I am filled with jubilance and anticipation. I feel blessed beyond measure that I have a job this good during the recession. This is the best thing that has happend to me in a long long time. If a man could be judged by how blessed he is to have such great people in his life, than should be the luckiest guy around.

- Randy Peterson

Nine Weeks Later Seattle WA song: Waiting - Green Day

My brother had an idea. He works for the Intel Marketing Department. He works with a company that puts together a website that sells Intel products. The create videos to educate and inspire computer retail salesmen to push Intel. So My brother made some phone calls and got me a chance to meet with this company in Seattle while they were doing a gaming convention.

Having really little idea of what they needed from me, I came ready to do meaningless tasks like being a camera man caddy. That was the least of my work. As it turns out, they wanted me to be on camera co-hosting this show with the regular host Ruby. Ruby is also an on-air persona with the Golden State Warriors. She is the real deal, and here I am trying to keep up with her level of talent. Regardless, I did about as good as I think someone could be expected to do in that situation and they were impressed with my performance. They are very interested in hiring, but they have to plead a case to the higher-ups to free up some money to put someone on a salary. 

This is a good sign. This same week, KFBK in sacramento had just interviewed me to do a board operating shift on air. They pay well, and Board Operating for KFBK, is NOT a walk in the park. That is some seriously intense stuff. Nothing I can't handle, and its Clear Channel, a really big radio monster. If I play my cards right in that place, I can meet a lot of people to continue to network and spread my name around and get more radio opportunity. 

If that didn't sound great, now I also have some good leads in Idaho Falls for a radio and a tv job. I hope to be going up that way soon to meet with the employers. Honestly, if they bite first, I may just take that one. I fell in love with Idaho when I lived there, and it may be a good situation for me to start off in a smaller market where I can get more opportunity. We will see. 

I have a lot of decisions to make, and that is not a bad problem. I'll keep y'all posted.

 

Seven Weeks Later Albuquerque NM song: All I want is you U2

The Reality show gig looks to be fading. I am not getting response from the guy who was giving me the thumbs up for that. Don't know what will happen with that. 

Still looking for a job, not sure what will happen in the long haul. I have reasons to give up, but i am still determined. I have gone through too much to throw in the towel now. I have set my sights on just a few various places of employment now. Most of them West of the Mississippi. I am still not counting out Washington D.C. or Columbus Ohio. But mostly california, arizona, Utah and especially New Mexico. 

New Mexico is where most of my sights are set these days. I love New Mexico of course, but there is a new X factor to be made known in my plight. For those of you who have been reading carefully, I made mention of an unexpected reunion of an EX in Maryland. Her name is Michelle. Michelle and I had a short lived relationship that had all the potential in the world. Long story short, since we met up in Maryland, we have been communicating regularly. She is back in her home town Albuquerque NM these days, so I decided to pay a visit.

I spent about five days in Albuquerque. Slept at the KOA of course. Michelle and I spent days together. We had a terrific time. We always felt that our paths were guided to be together. And this was no exception. We talked seriously, had fun, and had a memorable time. I interviewed for one job I applied for. I may be able to get it if I try. But it would only be part time and the other jobs I applied for didn't respond to me. Oh well, coming to Albuquerque was mostly to see Michelle anyway.

Her and I are in a serious relationship these days. I tell you this because having her in my life alters my decision making. We have no particular plans except to try our best to make things work. If that means for she and I to move to the same town to see what may come, than that will be. But the Future is still unwritten. 

Six Weeks Later

Finding a job from the confines of a computer in my parents house is sobering. I went from one extreme of gutsy job searching to the complete opposite. I am still sending out resumes but still getting little to no response. 

    The trial and error of looking for a job is really teaching me a lot. Unfortunately, the lessons I need to learn seem to be endless in terms of finding a job. Everyone has different advice, and so many conflict.

   I thought carefully about doing a school program called Radio Connection. Its a program where you go to class at a radio station and get private tutoring by a working professional for six months and you get connections to the station you are working with. They have a 70 job placement afterwards and you receive a degree.... After some sound advice from a few professionals I know, I have decided it is a bad idea. For 7500 dollars upfront or more in payments, its not what I am going to do. 

A job may be opening in my old station for the promotions department, part time, but If I get enough remote broadcasts, I can earn some decent money, and be back in radio at a good station... But I have to deal with the fact that I am once again a little fish in a little pond. 

        My plan to move out to Salt Lake City lost its flavour. My buddies who were hoping I would move out their with them, no longer have the space available. Thats ok, I understand. But, I can't think of a good enough reason to pick up and move their now unless I get a good job, but i can only spread my focus so far.

      There is still the reality show the Phoenix Unemployed that I may have a good chance with. I qualify for what they are looking for, I just need to get a massive audience to vote for me. But if they do, I will be getting a steady pay-check for six months, great on the job training, great exposure and a heck of an experience. Unfortunately, I will have to wait until mid-september before I know anything.

      Idaho Falls has a producer/ reporter position opening up again. It may be interesting for me. I don't mind living out their. Reporting or producing isn't exactly what tickles my fancy but a job is a job. If I qualify, and I get a pay check, than that is all that matters. 

      Albuquerque is calling my name a bit. I get the sense from a Music Instruction company that I may qualify well for a good paying job in music instruction. Only problem is, I don't know how many students I can get just yet and I don't know how stable it is. 

      

      Don't worry, I am not losing my gutsyness If a job opportunity comes my way and offers itself to me, I just might take it. But right now, being in limbo its hard to make that leap of Faith. But I guess thats all their is left for me to do. Is to have Faith.

Two and half Weeks Later

Much hasn't really happened since I last reported. My routine has been, e-mailing resumes everywhere that may be hiring and almost never hearing back. I am still at it everyday. But it may require more patience than I can muster up.

I haven't done anything really fun. I watched a movie at the cheap theatre by myself and that is it. I have read two books, Kindness of Strangers, and Into the Wild. Travels with Charley, is next. I plan on reading a big handful of traveling books to make sure that my book doesn't overlap too much information and discovery. I am pretty sure at this point that my story is still very unique and potentially comparable to poignancy. Should I learn how to write. 

Sacramento hasn't felt like home anymore. I grew up here, I have always loved it here. But I don't know how much more of it I can take. It feels the wrong place for me. 

My parents left my bedroom the way I left it when I moved out so many years ago. All my CD's in a huge storage shelf. My childhood comic books out for display on a rack. My rock n' roll paraphanelia out and about. My guitars and amplifiers out. It all made me sick. I packed all the speakers, CD's, Paraphanelia, and comics into boxes to be donated, sold or given away. I even cut my clothing load into about a third. I don't want things I don't need anymore. 

I have gotten already three offers to resurrect my Johnny Cash Tribute band "Cash Only." only to be turned down or told "Maybe". I don't really have much of an interest in music anymore. I gave it the best I could, but at the end of the day, it wasn't in the cards. And unfortunately, I cannot EAT dreams. People always tell me NOT to give up on dreams. But I almost want to curse them for that. Look where I am now. 28, no job, living with my parents. I have always shunned and scoffed at the existance of NO-RISK cubicle jobs. Now, I am actively seeking after them. I can't help and wonder if these are the same humbling feelings everyone else gets when they decide to grow up and lay off the dream about being a cowboy or an astronaut. But most people have their dreams shattered before they are old enough to live those mistakes I suppose. 

I have spent some time at the Local LDS temple, trying to sort out my goals and make sure they are in line with my eternal wishes. I don't know if they are or not, but I am certainly trying. I am not particularly happy with my situation and I know that is normal. If home life with the parents was so great, nobody would move out. My parents would have me stay the rest of my life if they could get away with it. But recently I am heavily considering moving somewhere in a trailer by the desert. There I can write my book and get my peace. The only places I ever seem to have peace are on the road, the desert and in church. I know that I can't get a paid position in church, they really don't exist. I can possibly be a truck driver, or maybe work at a home depot and write while I am not working. 

Lately I have been heavily considering becoming a writer. I have craved writing ever since I came off the trip. I miss blogging. I don't know how I lived without it. Once again, I changed my focus. I don't care to be a reporter, or maybe even a radio jock anymore. Maybe rock n' roll radio was just my way of making sure that  I never grew up. Just to prove to everyone that I can do anything I put my mind to. Ironically, everyone I know believes in me now. But I don't know what i can do. My will to carry on may be admirable. But it may be the death of me. 

i haven't given up hope, I don't know that I ever can. That may be my problem. I never give up. Even when it is absurd. But I am trying to figure things out. My soul search didn't end when I got back. Unfortunately it amplified. Maybe my road trip wasn't long enough. We will see. But writing the story seems like a happy thought to me. It really helps me get the perspective. So I do have that to look forward to. I think if I write the book, I can possibly get what I was looking for in the end. 

One week Later song: Champion - Oleander

I am back in my Hometown of Sacramento. I have kept a pretty low profile in the past week. I have been watching my friends house and his pets for the last week in a town called Roseville.

To remind some of you of what "A Letter To Bob Dylan" was all about, here is a rundown on the Adventure. Bob Dylan wrote his song "Like a Rollingstone" where he hypothetically asks what would you do with all your freedom when it is granted. To be on your own like a rollingstone, with no direction home, like a complete unknown.
I simply wanted to answer that question to Bob Dylan. After I graduated from college in early April, I immediately took to the open road traveling for what was set out to be 40 days, which turned into 74 days. Being that I have no Job, No woman or no responsibility, I wanted to live with nothing to lose. I wanted see America, I wanted see things, and deal with my fears and most importantly... I wanted to find a home. So the whole time I was hand delivering resumes all across the nation looking for someone to hire me in Radio or TV. Preferably radio. Hoping that maybe employment would guide me to where home is. Being that radio as a nation seemed to be on huge hiring freeze, I knew this would take some real luck and being at the right place at the right time.

To let you know how the job search went. I don't know yet. I have a few bites here and there. I have a bite "Maybe" in Amarillo, Kalamazoo, and hopefully Santa Barbara. I had a few other job offers to do things that are completely different. And I had a potential offer to work on a reality show in Phoenix.
I can't tell if any of them are my dream job or something to get me started up in radio again. Hopefully something of my hard work in dropping off around 130 resumes in person will pay off. But its a possibility, nothing will come from it. I will keep in contact with those I met and see if anything opens, but, I cannot garauntee anything will.

I Came off this trip feeling a little unfinished, and a little discouraged. I had all the help in the world, and I still didn't find what I set out to do. But, then my friend Stephanie suggested I go back and re-read my blogs. So when I read them.... I felt like I was reading someone elses journey. I couldn't believe how much joy and courage I felt. I didn't know what I and so many people were capable of. I had the greatest trip imaginable. I didn't know I had so much endurance in me.

People ask me all the time if it was worth it. Did I find what I was looking for? And the truth is...No. I didn't find my home, I didn't find my job. But, I faced my fears, and I found something much greater than what I imagined. I found YOU. The people. You were the greatest part of my trip. Yes, I got to see Elvis's home, Highway 1, Chicago Blues, Statue of Liberty and everything else In the U.S. that I have ever wanted to see. But non of that stuff I wanted to see mattered in the slightest, when I wasn't with someone. It could have been an old friend or a stranger. I spent time with some amazing individuals across this nation. People who just took the time to help a stranger out. People who took me in their office and looked at my resume and offered their time and advice. People who showed me around the city and told me stories about its culture. People who gave me a place to stay and often times food to eat. People who just shared moments with me that were invaluable.
You see, the United States of America, is a beautiful land. Its dramatic, its got everything under the sun. Its got great history, and monuments. But all that means very little without you. You are what makes this country great. I really found out that people are not inherently selfish and out for themselves. There are people in Every nook and cranny in this country who would give you the shirt off their backs if you needed it. I learned many things while driving the endless highway. I learned many things from the museums. But when I see the passions that drive so many people, and the heart that makes them give a stranger or an old friend so much help, I am humbled. What I found in this nation is that there is a lot more worth fighting for than I ever could have imagined. The U.S. I saw has an incredible history of endurance. It also has a history that is seedy and questionable at the least. But that doesn't matter, its because their are people who generally want to help eachother out and see others who give it their all succeed. That is what makes the land great.

I will keep at it looking for a job in radio..... for a while. And I may not get it. And thats ok. I died standing up, I went out swinging. I will have tried as hard as I could. And besides, Radio is not the most important thing. Family is. More important to me than myself is my future family. To be a good provider. To be someone who can help out others, the way they helped me. I want to be the guy who will be able to let you into my home and to help you find what you are looking for. And make your experience here in America, one that YOU will never forget.

scripture:Psalms 4:5-8

Day 74 San Francisco/Sacramento song: 4th of July - Shooter Jennings

Morning led me to San Francisco, where the ocean is familiar. Growing up so close to the Bay area, I would think that I would have spent more time there. Its really been years since I went there and did anything touristy in the slightest. This day I went into the pier 39 and saw how much bigger it seems now. More cool stuff and more advanced street performers. I saw China town. Its really the only china town in America I like. I thought all the rest of them suck. Most importantly though, I made into the Jazz festival. Right on filmore street they were holding a jazz festival. Whats more American than that? I walked around and saw some great jazz. It was a great way to end my tour.

I drove early in to Sacramento. Not really eager to come back. I don't really feel like I ever want to stop. But I'll get back to that later.

First thing I went to visit my friend Tom in Roseville. I am supposed to watch his house for the week so he gave me the rundown. You should know that Tom is a radio morningshow host who has been a huge support for this journey. Tom has a nice big house in Roseville California which is the nicest area in Sac town. He has a pretty wife and three great kids two dogs and a cat. He is buddies with all his neighbors, his house is full of cool stuff and he is involved with the community. He is a novice at the guitar, loves to fish and is not afraid to admit that he loves the band Queen. To sum it up, Tom lives the life I can only dream of. Watching his house is an honor. I don't aspire that some day i will achieve all of the things he has, but to be as happy and as content, most certainly. We spoke heavily about my journey and my ambitions for radio. His response surprised me. He believes that his generation of radio personalities are the last. They will shut the door and throw away the key when they leave. He encouraged me to do TV. I get a lot of that, but, its really not my passion. He went over why radio isn't going to survive and how the websites are not the answer that I hoped for. He then asked me why I want to do radio so bad. I gave him the same response I gave everybody.
"Because one day, I am counting the 5000 toys we helped bring for toys for tots. The next day, I get to speak with David Lee Roth. The next day, we get to help out the FFA. The next day, we play wiffle ball with some cool people out in the back lot. THe next, I get to host a movie premier and go to a concert and get a free dinner. My life was always exciting. Opportunity was everywhere, I love the music, I love the listeners, I love performers, atheletes, community organizers, special locals, comedians who always came in. Nowhere else can I live life to the fullest like I can in radio."

"Then do it. You have a lot of passion, you will find something. Don't give up. You're right. Yesterday I ran a marathon on the air. I never would have thought I would run a marathon. Last week I got to be at a redcarpet premier. You're right. This job is for you. But you can't base the sum of your career on radio based on the fact you didn't get a job on this journey. There is no set way in the door. I worked hard, but at the end of the day it still felt like luck that I was in the right place at the right time."

I left feeling good. Its nice to know that someone believes in me that knows both me and radio. That is something I just don't get in most places. Its either one or the other. But there is only so much he could do, but he has done more than I could ever ask.

I drove on into Folsom, home of the famous Folsom Prison where Johnny Cash Recorded. I saw some 4th of July Fireworks. Its funny, I really had a big plan to come to Sac town and see fireworks and pretend that it was all for me. I know that it is rediculas. But I thought it would be funny. Independance will carry a new meaning for me that fireworks can never really be adequate to display or represent my appreciation. I didn't watch the firework display for two minutes. This whole trip really made me want to do some time in the military and serve the U.S. Unfortunately that may not be an option for me, but I can think about it. But, amoungst all the crimes, all the harsh realities and mis-use of freedom and democracy, there is something more beautiful than I could have imagined. As hard as it was to see the country bymyself, I really did come back feeling changed. I appreciate what we have more than I ever would have thought I would.

I went and visited my friends the Laverty family before I came to my parents house. They invited me for a fourth of July get together. It was cool. No fireworks, just a little family get together and some good snacks. Fireworks are nice, But I want my independance day celebrations to be more intimate like that. Its so much more than a vacation to the beach with some fireworks imported from china.

The Laverty's asked me questions about the trip and I had a difficult time sounding opitimistic. I guess I didn't really have anyone great sucess story. I had some hard times and had much more struggles than not making contacts. I really wasn't sure how to shine the silver lining. Perhaps its because I don't know what that is yet.

I guess I didn't really have a climatic happy ending. I had sort of a rocky ending. I got to see great friends, meet great friends, see the country and make new discoveries. But somehow it seems very unfinished. VERY unfinished. I don't know why. Perhaps because I still need to follow up on my contacts and get those things done. But I don't think thats it. Something still feels missing. Like I didn't have enough time to think things through.
I never got tire of driving, and I don't know that I ever would have. I honestly wonder if there is enough open road to ever satisfy my need to just think. Maybe truck driving is my calling, or maybe because I can't philosophize all I need in two and a half months. Rene Descartes kept doing philosphy after meditations. Ludwig Wittenstein never stopped doing philosophy, neither did Immanuel Kant. I guess I never stop learning or thinking. I can't think my way into all of lifes answers. I guess I have to take it as it comes. I don't know that I would have been considered very sucessful if i were a native american doing a vision quest, but maybe I would have. Its hard to tell what sucess would entail, But I know I tried my hardest and I died standing up. Thats all I really wanted to do. I did this trip, I saw the goodness of the American people and Learned more about life than I ever did in such a short period of time. Nobody can take that away.


side note, I am not done. I will probably put down a few more entries But I will probably edit a lot of them too and add photos. And when the video is done, It will post that as well. I am tired now and I need to rest. But I want to thank you for taking this journey with me. Without you, I would have been alone.

Day 73 Santa Cruz C.A. song: Travelin' Song - Jackie Greene

Left Big Sur and said goodbye to my new friends. I hope our paths cross again. Drove north a little to Monterey. They have some great stations out there that I was hoping to get a piece of. I had a connection and I was going to milk it. Unfortunately, everyone took a day off that day. A three day weekend I guess. But, I checked out the town. I sat on the empty breesy beach with my poncho and played surf songs on my guitar. Monterey is a beach towns for wealthier adults. Other than the famous aquarium, it didn't seem like there is much to do.

Off to Santa Cruz. I really had NO desire to hang out there. I just wanted to get my business done and get on out. I stopped at the starbucks and was just about to check for the addresses, and I folded my computer and said "Forget this." My job search is over. This was no point anymore. I am just going to enjoy myself.

As a kid I used to come to Santa Cruz everyother summer. Its a fun place, it has a giant boardwalk, sandy beaches of fun and a lot of punk rockers and hippies crawling all over the place. I used to love it. But such is life, that you grow older and things don't appeal to you as much. Sometimes good memories turn into bad memories when they represent loss. But I decided to rise above that, because I needed to take a nap and what better place than on a beach.
When I woke up there was a volleyball game starting all around me. The dudes and chicks asked me if I would join and I obliged. We had a lot of fun. They take their volleyball playing very seriously because they insisted in high fiving eachother after every play. It was like they just came from volleyball marriage counseling. But they got a kick out of my spark on Chris Webber snarl on the court. I play for keeps.

Then, a couple of cute college girls invited me to do some skim boarding on the beach. That is when you ride a board on about one inch of water where the water divolves into the sand. We had some fun. They invited me to hang out more, But I pretended I had other plans. Just didn't feel like doing anymore with them, I just wanted to be with myself for the remainder of the trip.

I got to the boardwalk on a friday night where they have bands play free shows on a big stage. This week was the two hit wonder band from the early 90's alternative seen, The Smithereens. I used to listen to them in highshool, so I was pretty glad to stay and watch them. However, its been a long time for them, but they sounded great. But to look at them, time was DEFINATELY not good to them. But I can't make fun, those years are rapidly approaching me as well. It was a free show and I enjoyed it.

I left Santa Cruz and was off to San Jose. I drove the streets and got me a hotel. I have only had one other hotel all trip. My Mom offered it to me, because there was no place to camp this weekend without six month ahead reservation. So thats what I did. I enjoyed me a the fanciest super 8 motel I could find and relaxed on the biggest bed I had ever seen. One more day, One more night, just like Diamond Rio once said.

scripture: Alma 32: 41

Day 72 California Coast Highway 1 song: California Sun - The Rivieras

I couldn't decide between songs, Thanks Alot - Johnny Cash, Still counting the days - Goldfinger or several others. But for this drive, California Sun seemed appropriate.

I woke up on the beach of Santa Barbara, it was sweet. There was vollyball playing, kids on a skatepark, old dudes with metal detectors, women jogging and middles aged dudes walking their huge dogs.
Santa barbara I decided is really what people are thinking about when they think of California. They imagine the entire state to look exactly like Santa Barbara. Really rich and fancy beach towns with tall palm trees. Unfortunately, there aren't many place like it out there. Not in Sacramento, or San Francisco. This place looks expensive, however, I am going to try and get a job there anyway. Why not, I can handle the challenge.
The hardest part was finding the radio station. Oh of course the Program director is out to lunch, they go out to lunch for about 8 hours a day, and NEVER want to speak a word to an up and coming broadcaster. They never have any time for it. (I was being cynacle)

Yip, I moved on north after checking out the town. Its where two of my cousins went to school and I don't know how they could get anything done, it looks too much like a vacation. That is the biggest reason I went to Idaho, there would be NO distraction. Besides, I think I was led there.

I stopped off at a place called Santa Ynez. A little farm town in California where I got to pick my own berries in a vinyard. It was awesome, chalk up one more great experience that meant nothing because I was alone. But the town was sweet, it was like an old boom town in the middles of nowhere. I am sure it was filled with Retirees.

When I got to San Luis Obispo I just did my radio but didn't do much else. I drove through the main drag and went on my way.

I drove by the Hearst Castle in San Simeon. Its awesome. I really wanted to go and check it out, but that costs money. Besides, being by myself would be kind of a buzzkill. So I put on my list of things that I save for another day.
That list is really growing, the highway 1 up the california coast is the best drive in the country. I thought it may have been the highway going north from Moab, or maybe the one going through the appalachians, but I decided that it is definately highway 1. This is the most amazing sight in the whole country. I decided If and when I would get married, that our honeymoon would be to ride along the california coastal towns. Very few people, nice beaches. I am not huge on going into the beach, I just like to look at them. I guess I'm glad that this highway was the last thing on the map before I get to sacramento. It made me realize again why it is I took this trip. It was to find a home, and california is my home. THis is who I am, its where i come from. I know the rest of the country seems to hate us. But they can bite me. I went and toured their town, its nothing as cool as the california highway 1. Its absolutelly majestic.

I camped out at a place called Big Sur. Its on a giant bluff by the beach in a national forest. Its really expensive and loaded with campers. I met a nice family by the campsite next to me. They are from Palo Alto C.A. Except the father, he is originally from Ireland. His delightful accent wanted me to keep him talking. He asked me about where I'm going and I told him. He told me his close relative runs a radio station in Ireland and they might like a good American accent on the air. I told him, "Where do I sign?" That would be awesome. It would kind of funny to land a job out there. But, it would be a whole new land to explore.
He and his wife and son spoke for hours by the campfire about music. We talked all about classic rock. And he told me of how he believes the Beatles were so sucessful. He believes that there is a rule that if you put 10,000 hours in one expertise that you will become world class. Much like the Beatles, they put 1000's of hours before they got big. That is for sure. Maybe thats my problem, i haven't put in 1000s of hours yet.
Frank, (the father) and I exchanged e-mails and he told me he would ask about a radio position in Ireland for me. Meeting Frank and his family is just what I needed to make that day to go from a good one, to a great one.

Day 71 Los Angeles song: L.A. Freeway - Jerry Jeff Walker

I woke up with a bad feelilng. A feeling that says, "I ain't out of the woods yet."

I had an appointment that Ravi my hollywood buddy sent me on with a dude who he went to film school who is tearing it up in the movie industry right now. His name is Joe and he is a big time sound editor in Hollywood. His most recent big work was on the movie Crank 2. We went to a coffee joint and discussed careers. He was a down to earth dude who dispite his hard work and sucess, is very humble. He told me, "You seem to have a lot of different skills that are all related to eachother. Its good to be versatile and to keep your options open. But my advice to you is that you need to narrow your focus way down. Between tv reporting, radio jocking, promotions and producing, what is it you REALLY want to do?"

That question is something that I had been running into a lot lately. What is it exactly I am looking for. I guess all I ever wanted was to be a radio jock. Is that so much to ask? But I wasn't even sure that I wanted that so bad anymore I was willing to do this journey. To go through all the bull crap its taken to get this far, I think being a jock isn't for sure what I am looking for. So when he asked me "What is it exactly I want?" All I can think of was that little house in New Mexico, the happy little wife, the porch swing, the humble American car, the friendly neighbor, the southwestern landscape. It was all that stuff that came to my mind. So I guess I didn't honestly know how to answer the question.

Later, I met up with Ravi, he tried to share me his thoughts on the trip, that my tactic may not have been the best one. He may be right, but all of the other options people have given, are stupid, they are FAR more useless. He always thought my trip was about seeing America. And in the begining, it was. He was right.
Ravi is a guy you gotta listen to. He is young and rubs shoulders with some high profile dudes in the Hollywood business and is currently employed by ABC. He also humbly posesses an academy award for an indendant short film. I have watched him suffer and pay his dues for years, and he is still not out of the woods. He is still pluggin' along.

Ravi and I went to lunch. I tried to thank him for all that he had done for me, getting me connections and a place to crash. He wouldn't allow a thank you. He said, "You'd do the same for me. I just want to see you succeed."
We are always good at getting a good laugh together. We joked about an old buddy of ours in highschool and we laughed 'til we cried.

We laughed for too long because I responded to an internet for an audition for a radio jock. A jock for all kinds of radio jocks....IN HOLLYWOOD. The audition is for anybody, no experience necessary. In the most competitive job market in the country for broadcasting, this sounded shady. BUT, what choice do I have but to check it out. I left on a 12 mile drive with 35 minutes to spare incase the traffic was bad........ Traffic was bad. It took me an HOUR and TWENTY minutes to drive 12 miles. I was 2o minutes late to the audition. I parked my car three blocks from the audition, completely stressed out and stir crazy. I sprinted to the building anyway, husseling through my asthma, puffing that gross sunset blvd air. I got to the building it was being held in. It was a seedy building on the corner, completely unlabeled, and it looked like a good place to find some drugs, and by drugs I don't mean pot, but the more expensive kind.
I pounded on the door stressed out. A gentlemen opened it up and began to tell me that it was closed and too late, but I finally did something I haven't done all trip..... I let someone see how desperate I was. I shoved my foot in the door and said, "Listen, give me one minute, I promise you won't regret it. (huffing and puffing) I am a great radio persona, I have done it for years. I have driven 12,000 miles delivering resumes in person, only to be told "NO" "SORRY" in 30 different states, I have gotten sick twice, one busted foot, spent everything I own and lost the love of my life one last time. I promise you, nobody in there wants this as bad as I do right now. Please let me in.".... I couldn't believe I said all of that. That was pitiful. I have never been that desperate in my life. Especially for a situation that has at the very LEAST plenty of room for question. But I was stressed out in the L.A. traffic, and I completly lost my composure like never before.

His response was, "I am sorry, but we are closed for now, check the internet, there will be another audition in a week. I have to let you go, its distracting for the auditioners."

He slammed the door on me and I collapsed from exhaustion on the steps. I just sat there on the corner of sunset blvd. Watching the cars go by and the seedy locals go by. I sat there for a long long time. And I just didn't feel like getting up. I didn't want to do anything. This trip was not supposed to end this bad. I don't know what happend, I was so positive in the morning. I called up my ex-girlfriend Jennilyn whom I was supposed to have a date with and I cancelled. Nothing against her, but I wouldn't be good company. I was defeated. I needed to get out of LA. I was way off course the whole time. I love that I have family and friends there, but that isn't the place that I want to call home someday. I needed to get out of dodge immediately. No time for anything.

I changed my mind on that pretty quick. Right when I was about to leave, I saw a sign for the famous hollywood bowl. I have only seen it, and never been. I have always wanted to look at it. So I went up to it to take some pictures. For those of you who don't what the Hollywood bowl is, its the classiet music venue in America. Its where people like Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, Miles Davis would play. It was not for the Bon Jovis or Snoop Doggs or the Garth Brooks of the world. This place is CLASSY.
The woman at the entry wouldn't let me in. I guess there was a show tomorrow and it was John Fogerty (from Creedence Clearwater) . I said,
"REALLY, is that him sound checking right now?"
"Yes thats him and his band."
"Please miss, Can I come in for just one song, I am on a road trip and it would really make my L.A. experience." That and more groveling, she eventually let me in for a bit as long as I stayed quiet in the corner and took no pictures. It was great, It was like I had my own private show with John Fogerty at the Hollywood bowl, with the famous Hollywood sign out in the distance all lit up.
While he was playing hit after hit, like "Lookin' Out my Backdoor" "Bad Moon Rising", "Stuck in Lodi" and several others, I started to think about what Ravi said. It wasn't about finding a job. It was about getting the experience. Why do I have to feel like a failure because I didn't get I was looking for. The trip was never about the finish line. It was about the journey. I may never have my Radio job, or my wife and house in New Mexico that I strive for. But it doesn't matter what you accomplish, as long as you gave it everything you know that you have. Thats how i will sleep with that on my consciounce.

I drove all night to Santa Barbara. Its the prettiest college town I have ever seen By far. I'll bet the kids here are rich and get nothing done. It looks like a fancy town in mexico, very posh and very cool. I slept out on the beach a mile from the pier under the stars next to my car. Like MxPx once said, "Today didn't have to be this way, but tomorrow is another day."

scripture: Doctrine and Covenants 9:8

Day 70 Hollywood C.A. song: Hello New Day - Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers

Today I woke up with the Eye of the Tiger. I got my tough boxer jaw all revved up and ready to go. I cracked my neck as I steped out into the smoggy Los Angeles sky, put on my Ray-Ban glasses and said in my best Clint Eastwood voice, "Lets make this Kitty Purr!"

I drove on out to the Cartoon network to apply for a production assistant job. I know that I am qualified for that job. I would do well. We will see what happens. I applied at several radio stations....Nothing. BUT, today for some reason, I felt invinsible. Today if a mugger were to attack me, I think he would have gotten mugged. Yes, for some odd reason, I felt like a Bad-@$$.

Then I walked in for my appointment to Capital Records. For those of you who don't know, Capital records is like a giant monument to Hollywood. They own the label to Frank Sinatra, the Beatles, The Beachboys, Coldplay, Radiohead, Bob Seger, Beastie Boys, etc.. The building itself is legendary and somewhat of a Wonka Chocolate factory for musicians. Nobody comes in and nobody comes out. Today, I WENT IN!!!

My great almost lifetime friend Ravi the accomplished film maker gave me a connection to an A&R rep. (A&R is the dude who discovers and sells the talent to the execs. He is the angel of mercy to all musicians). I had an appointment at nearly the top floor of this building with an office that overlooks the skyline of Los Angeles. We spoke on the music industry. Because I am a former music biz major and the former manager to Jackie Greene, I know it REAL well. We talked and talked and it was my dream, but here is why it was interesting.

The gentlemen Ankur, is a really humble and cool dude. We had actually met a few times before. He just got promoted to being in his job not two weeks ago. His story is great. He told me how in 3 short years he climbed the latter to the top. It was inspiring. He did what ever slick and seedy thing he had to to get into the door. And when he was in as an intern, he proved himself, not just by his work ethic and hussle to get the job he was asked done, but to open up the eyes of everyone to show how much more can be done. He did way more than what his job asked of him. He made friends and allies he got people to believe in him, but more importantly.... He got to believe in himself. It may have seemed like a long difficult road for him, but getting his job at his age, just seems impossible. But he did it.
He was more than happy to speak with me and to promise to help me in anyway he can. He wants to see me succeed. He even bought me lunch. I was honored.

I came outside to a parking ticket. I didn't even care. I didn't care in the slightest. Tag it on to my tab America. I am going to be a happy tax payer. The Country has given me so much, and I have given it so little. That is going to change for now on.

The night was capped with me and my cousin Paola, Gustavo and his father Gustavo sr, going to Disneyland. I finally gave in and went to Disneyland. I loved it. We got in for free so we just went for a couple of hours. We saw a firework show/light parade, and rode the Space mountain. For the first time in my life, the space mountain was open. And it was awesome.
We saw the jungle cruise ride. Its funny, and I can see why EVERYBODY who goes on it thinks that I would be Ideal for it. And seven years ago I would have, but not anymore. Its not about me. Its about my future family. I need to make a living for several people. What ever that is.
But the REAL highlight of the evening was when I went to revisit the Pirates of the Carribean. For those of you who don't know my epic pirates of the carribean story, ask me sometime.

I had a great night to follow my great day...... The Rockster is back!

scripture: Luke 18:1

Day 69 Anaheim C.A. song: Story Of My Life - Social Distortion

Dissapointed myself pretty bad today. You see, I have been pretty proud of myself and work ethic this entire trip. I have barely let any days go to waste, i have been pretty productive and know that I make the most out of every day. If I ever take a break, its because I don't physically have a choice, I need to rest. Today, I didn't. Today, I woke up late. I responded to e-mails, applied more online (which really gets you know where), and I decided to try out my cousins idea of working at Disneyland for the jungle cruise job.

So I drove a late start to Anaheim to Disneyland. I found out really quick that the stereo-type of most male employees being gay at Disneyland, is true. That would be good, there would be little competition between me and the ladies.
But, I did my application and the job I applied for didn't look to be available at the time. There was plenty others, but I don't really think that I would like anything else. I don't much feel like I would want to climb the corporate ladder up there. Nothing against the place, I just feel I would be straying way too far off course. I gotta get back to why I took this journey.

Stuck in L.A.'s insane traffic all day was not the way I wanted to spend my day. I did about nothing else other than the on-line job hunt. Searching, for the jobs that I really really want the most and going to go and get. The cartoon network has a position I might be good for. We will see. As it turns out I do have a good connection with a professional Hollywood sound editor and a gentlemen who works at capital records. It looks like I have a small chance to redeem myself tomorrow, and I better take it. My time is short.

My feet dragged for many reasons. But mostly because of myself. Today, I ran out of steam. I just didn't want to do this anymore. I wanted to go to my parents house and quit. As close to the end as I am, I just wanted it to be done NOW. It was the events that played out on friday that has weighed me down, it just didn't happen the full proofed way I planned it. Thats ok. I just need to pick myself up enough to finish what I started on this trip, and know, that I really came on this trip finish strong. To NOT give up. That is the ONLY way for me to be unsuccessful on this journey, the moment I give it up. Is the moment I fail.

Day 68 Yorba Linda CA song: The World Ain't Slowin' Down - Ellis Paul

I went to church in Huntington Beach. The members were filled with people who look like they are in magazines. There is no question, I am in Southern California. Everyone was attractive and pretty nice. The lessons were taught well and the talks were spoken well. But I wasn't ready. One thing about church is, you only get what you put into it. If you don't come prepared to learn, you get nothing. I may have walked in their humble, but not humble and hungry. I came in their trying to catch up, but felt nothing. I wasn't prepared. I didn't spiritually prepare myself. This is a mistake I cannot afford to make next week.

While at church, I introduced myself to the elders quarum and told everyone what I am doing. And for the third time on this trip, someone pulled me aside and offered to give me a job that would teach me how to talk to people and how to make money to buy expensive bull crap that NOBODY needs. I got a job offer to sell security. Not that I have an issue with those who do that, but if I wanted to do sales, I could do that anywhere. Door to door sales man jobs do NOT require this kind of perseverence to get.

Afterwards I had met with my extended family. All my cousins, Aunts, Uncles and second cousins and such. I have had a very American Experience for the last ten weeks, but today was a latin American Experience. You should know that I am Half Ecuadorian. All of my relatives on my Mom's side of the family are full blooded Ecuadorians. We had a reunion dinner in the back patio of my Uncle Pepe house. Like usual, they all give me a playfully hard time because my spanish sucks. They will never get over that but that is ok, I did let them down. They all have known about my trip and my appearances of TV and my little show at the college I had. They were so proud and excited to have me over. I really miss that part of the family. I really haven't seen most of them in ten years. Its about time I did.

Perhaps my favorite cousin Gustavo, the schmoozer, spoke with me about possible jobs at his place of work, which is Disneyland. He and the rest of the family thought I would be perfect for the jungle boat ride tour guide. I have been told that several times in my life so maybe its time I see what its all about. Of course, Disneyland doesn't seem like my type of place, BUT, I need work, and it does sound like it could be some fun. We will see what becomes of that.

I got to meet my little niese Franchesca who just loved to hang out and I got to see my baby cousin Paola who is a grown woman now. Its a little jarring, but it was so great to see the family and remember where I come from. As hard as I try to be a Red blooded, ford driving, American Road Warrior, I still am a latin American as well.

In the evening I was planning my day for Monday. All of the love I have recieved on this trip has left me with what I need to dig down ONE more time on this journey. I know I haven't been too successful. I know that I may be going about this the wrong way or am just in a bad time. I know that there is NO more competittive job market than Los Angeles.....However, I am going out swinging. Tomorrow, I am going to hit up all of Burbank and show everybody including myself what it is I am really made of.

scripture:Isaiah 5: 19

Day 67 Chino Hills CA song: Help Me Make It Through The Night - Kris Kristofferson

Axel Rose once sang, "Its hard to keep an open heart, when even friends seem out to harm you, but if you could heal a broken heart, wouldn't time be out to charm you."

It took me a long time to really figure what that meant. I think I get it now. Of course, what idiot would take a pearl of wisdom from a disturbed man like Axel Rose. But sometimes I believe its those who suffer the most, understand love the most.

This morning I woke up feeling sick and in pain. So checked back into my remedies of a good ole fashion visit from Mr. Heartache. When you get the blues you gotta do what Johnny Cash would do. And that is get rhythym. I was about to call up my old band "CASH ONLY" the Johnny Cash tribute and book us a HUGE show that was going to wake up Sacramento and let be aware of my arival back home. Then somehow I stumbled onto another Johnny Cash Tribute band in Sacramento called Cash Only. They are really good. Far better than my band, and that is NOT being modest. Somehow in the time that I was gone in Idaho and not playing many shows, they took my spot in the Johnny celebration. That hurt. Musically, that band was all I had left. I guess thats one more thing to move on from.

I checked on-line for the jobs that had recently opened in So-Cal. There were many that match what I am looking for. Except nearly all of them require more experience than I got. One thing about this economy is, that employers are not hiring college grads like they used to. Now they are hiring the most experienced, which in broadcasting is a ton of people. L.A. is probably the most competitive job market for Broadcasting in the United States. Thats not what I need right now to finish off this trip. I searched for hours and I have a few things, but thats not the most pressing thing on my mind.

I stayed last night with my cousin Pamela and her husband Paul. They were very good to me, they gave me a bed and fed me some of the best food ever. I hadn't seen them in ten years, but they never forget that we are family. I really love them. But the biggest treat is that I have never met thier four year old daughter. The daughter calls me Uncle Rockin' Randy. I guess she has watched my videos and thinks of me as a star. Its cute, she is the cutest girl I had ever seen. Full of fun and life.

In the evening I was trying my hardest game face not to think much about the hard times. I was praying for an angel to come and take the pain away...... I think that I got my answer to my prayer. I was sitting outside and out comes my little four year old neise Jackalyn. She came and just sat with me and cuddled with me. I have only known her for just some hours and she loved me unconditionally. I felt the same, I guess thats a family thing. But she couldn't have known what was in my head, I had a good poker face. But she came and comforted me anyway. She taught me patty cake and I read a book to her and colored with her. Then we watched some cartoons and she watched the Office with me. She just enjoyed my company.
What you must know is, I was the youngest in my family. And because I am a dude, nobody ever asks me to baby sit. I have never been comfortable around little children. I never know what to do or say. But, This time, it came naturally. I was very happy. She helped me make it through the night.

scripture: Mosiah 4:11

Day 66 San Bernardino CA song: I'll Never Get Out Of This World Alive - Hank Williams Sr.

What is a happy ending? Is it when the character gets what he has always hoped for? Or when he finds what he really needed? Or is it when the character changes? I don't know what it would be, perhaps, its just the fact that the character can endure.

Well, what many of you don't know, is that this trip wasn't JUST about finding a job. Its exploration. I wanted to see the United States, the historical aspect. Most of the history is kept in museums now. But I wanted to see the different lifestyles and things that are different across the U.S. It is also a time for me to face my fears and put the past behind. You see, I am terrified of driving long distances. I am terrified of the unknown. I am petrified of my past... But still haunted by it.

My three objectives were, to find a job, find a home, and put the past where it all belongs. But how could I do all of that? If I find a job, I guess that means finding a home. No matter where it is that I like, I have to call my new place of work my home. And what would home entail? A place with good weather? Or fun things to do like watch live music or sports? Or is it a place where you become who you are, and the place becomes a little bit of you. Does it matter where you are as long as you are with someone you love? The pretty Red Head I met in North Caralina who had also taken a long journey across America challenged me with this thought.
All of these things that I see and do, when they are not shared with someone I love.....it means nothing. I guess I can appreciate how cool everything in the country is, and I loved the rock n' roll hall of fame, I dug the New York Harbor cruise, I loved Sun Record studios, but I wasn't with a loved one. I had some great friends on some things, and I love them, and those times were meaningful for me. But nothing can compare to having the ONE you love with you. On that thought, it really doesn't matter if you are living in a place that is Shan Gra La. It only matters that you are with someone you love. No amount of things in your life can amount to filling the need that people are born with to have someone to love unselfishly and unconditionally.

Like Johnny Cash said, "A Cardinal sang just for meAnd I thanked him for the Song. Then the Sun went slowly down the West And I had to move along. These were some of the things On which my Mind and Spirit feed;But Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I needFlesh And Blood need Flesh And BloodAnd you're the one I need. So when this Day was ended I was still not satisfied For I knew ev'rything I touched Would wither and would die And Love is all that will remain And grow from all these Seed; Mother Nature's quite a Lady But you're the one I need Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I need."

As you may imagine, my happy ending didn't pan out the way it would have seemed from thursday. Out of respect, I won't go until the harsh details. We had our final dance and thats all I had left to give. Things ended for me knowing that I tried as hard as humanly possible and there was nothing left for me to give. But finally the past is behind. There is still the whole other half of the mountain to climb down, but its over now. I got what I wanted..... My freedom back.

I really didn't know that all of my goals were so perfectly tied together. Just trying to find a home. I guess thats all I ever wanted.

I guess I was wrong about life. You can't completely write your own destiny. You can't choose who you're going to be and where you're going to live. The only thing you can choose, is how far you're willing to go to get what you need.

scripture: 1st Corinthians 11:34

Day 65 San Juan Capistrano song: Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms

Scott took me to see the Las Vegas Nevada temple. It was much more massive than I ever could have predicted. It was beautiful. I had to part ways with Scott and get to work. He is a great friend and always will be. I'll never forget my time with him.

I drove thoughout all of Las Vegas dropping off resumes. Everyone in radio is out of town. People are just too busy these days with all the down sizing.

Afterwards I got a call from a gentlemen in Phoenix. He is a producer/ PR guy for a new tv reality show. A show about some different communications experts who have different emphasis and skill sets trying to work together to use their talents to improve the community. He is interested in having me audition or maybe be a part of the show. It sounded intriguing. We will see where this road can take me. I don't know what to think, this could be what I needed, but its hard to say. We will see what happens when I learn more.



I drove into San Bernardino California. Finally back west. I met up with my old girlfriend Leighann, to whom I hadn't seen in nearly three years. There was a mission between us and alot of heartache. We were set to go see the Gin Blossoms in San Juan Capistrano. Our favorite band together.

I had this night set in motion before the trip was even taken. This pivotal reunion was perhaps just as important as anything else in the entire trip. Leighann has been for years the one I couldn't let go.

The night couldn't have been better, she looked great, made me a nice dinner. We saw the concert and it was AWESOME. We got to high five the singer on stage and take a photo with the singer and guitar player. It was a night I couldn't have predicted or couldn't imagine. It had all the elements of a story book reunion. This night I had plans for it to go one way, but I was pleasantly surprised in that I was willing to let it go another. I'll keep the contents of the discussions private, but from the night it would seem to look like a happy ending to my story. This marks what may be the best day of my trip, and potentially my life. Coming to see her, just felt like.......home.

scripture :TBD

Day 64 Las Vegas NV song: They're Trying to Put an End to Guys Like Me - Gary Allan

Several hours were spent doing my homework. Looking for any and every radio job in the country and E-Mailing. I don't know why I still try that. Then finding every station here in Las Vegas. Then finding the ones in the towns I will be going to. I have become a real starbucks decoration.

I didn't do any in person Job hunting. I needed to take a bit of a load off and reorganize the vehicle and find resume holders, (which don't exist anymore). When I got through with that stuff, my old mission companion Scott took me to see the Hoover Dam. I thought it was pretty rad. I saw the new bridge they are building which looks like it will make traffic coming into Vegas a lot easier and the Hoover dam an even bigger tourist trap. But thats cool, its an impressive sight.

Scott and I had some good discusstions on life. What you should know about Scott is, that he is a former minor league baseball player. He persued his dream, heavily. He never made it to the majors, injuries got in the way. He never doubted that he could have gone to the majors, actually he is quite sure of it. But he found it more important to be with his bride. He found the one thing that was greater than his life dream. I loved hearing his story.

Later on I met my old Highschool buddy Stephanie. I hadn't seen her since graduation and its now been ten years. We went to a park where her 3 kids played in the waterspouts and slides. Its funny how last time we saw eachothi er, our lifestyles were pretty similar, and only due to circumstance, they are now vastly different other than our religion. She is still as sweet as ever. We talked about the joys and challenges of raising a family. I always like hearing what it is like. Steph had three really good looking and healthy kids, living in Las Vegas which aside from the gambling, is a really nice place. Its great to see another one of my friends doing so well. It was great seeing her again.

I capped the night off going to the Las Vegas strip. I have never been there before. Every time I have been to Vegas, I never left the airport. But I parked at the end by the MGM Grand. I walked about one and a half blocks with my video camera. (on a side note, I have filmed a TON of this trip to be edited later for you goons. You better appreciate me looking like a dork in so many places for YOU!!) I saw the most impressive sights I have ever seen. So many bright lights and colors and amazing structures. The place was spackled with Brittney Spears look-a-likes and dudes in expensive hawian shirts holding their hands. Then right there next to me, short dudes everywhere shoving flyers in my face for prostitutes who will be at my door in twenty minutes. I forgot that its legal to do that in Nevada. You know, I have heard all kinds of things about Vegas. Some good some bad. I had never heard that. I have heard some people say, "Its so much more family oriented these days." I don't know where in the country they raise families like that, but in this entire drive, I have never come across those families.
When I found a good spot, that was free of large billboarded porn, I camped out with my guitar, hat, symbol, sign and smile. I used the same sign I used in Tempe to get money for a concert in San Juan Capistrano. That sign makes the sweet ladies really want to give me some change. And all of the Gin Blossom fans. And a few manly Johnny Cash fans. I made a good amount of money here in Vegas. I guess its better the money winds up in my hands than in the casinos. I'll make sure to make the most of it. Las Vegas is the first place that I have come out with more money than I left it with. And I didn't have to gamble a dime.

scripture: Alma 47:36

Day 63 Arizona song: Radio Ga Ga - Queen

Fox local news in Phoenix interviewed me on the corner of Mill and 7th street in Tempe Arizona. The interview was a lot of fun. I was impressed, I felt they were really cool and really wanted to help me out. I was originally skeptical, but I don't know why, they were genuinly out to help me get some pub and I deeply appreciated it. The interview went well and I felt good about it. The reporter and camera man were friendly and I had fun.

Then I went back to Nate's home and packed up and was on my way. Nate was awesome. I really think that if I went to the Phoenix area, I would hang out with him. He gave me an open invitation to come stay with him if I ever come back. I deeply appreciated him taking a stranger into his home and making me feel welcome. I will never forget.

I did my resume dropping routine for a couple more radio statons and CBS out in phoenix. Not much luck as far as speaking to anybody, but we will see.

Next stop is Precott AZ. I really liked Prescott. Its a really isolated and friendly southwestern community. A place to raise a family. I spoke to the radio station out there. All that was there is the one building with several stations in it. I spoke with the Sales manager who seemed to be intrigued by my story. I gave him my selling spiel and he was sorry he couldn't do anything. But he gave me a referral in Flagstaff to someone who might be able to help.

To Flagstaff AZ it was. Flagstaff is another isolated town, but with more trees. And, its a college town. Not a real hip college town like Tempe, Berekely or Boston. But it was cool. Another great place to live. Its got everything you need out there and its not too far from LA, or Vegas or Phoenix. All the radio stations in town were closed before four though. It was pretty sad. No one would answer the door. I figured it must have been happy hour or two dollar tuesday. Finally the last station I went to I caught the last man walking out the door who was the general manager of this station. He was friendly as could be and he let me give him my entire spiel.

"Well sir, I know there isn't much work for jocks out there, because there is not enough money going around. But, here is how I can make you money. The one part of the market that is still growing is the WEB. Its the only part that is growing. But, you need more traffic to get more money from advertising. So, here is where I can come in. I am trained in how to do tv news reporting. I am a one man band, I can write, shoot, edit, interview and find my own stories and be either serious or funny on camera. I can get the community a better voice and have something that the jocks can push for listeners to come on the web. I can be your daily reporter just giving you a reason to come to the web site other than just contests and prizes. You would come and check out the daily video player and the people would raise the traffic on your sites. I can be the guy who finds the sponsorship for that. I can do a lot of things for your station as well. I am trained in board operating, promotions and on-air. I can be what ever you need me to be, and I will make the station more money."

The GM was impressed. "Well, you seem like you're gonna do well. Keep at it, it will pay off. You have been on the road for a long time. Radio as you must know, is not like it used to be. There is no begginner club anymore. The small stations are all automated and the large stations only employ the seasoned vets. Its a different time we live in. Why do you want to do radio so bad anyway?"

"Well sir, because everyday is different. One day, I am shaking hands with one of the local sports atheletes. The next day, I am helping raise toys for the TOYS FOR TOTS. The next day, We are having a fun on air-contest and we laugh all morning long. The next day, I am riding in the back of a stunt air-plane. And the next day, I am haning out back stage with a country star. The next day, we are helping out a small barber business get some traffic. I loved it. I can make a difference in the community and I could have the greatest exeriences non-stop. I get to meet the greatest people day in and day out. Thats why I want to do radio so bad sir."

He smiled and gave me his card. He really wants to see me have a happy ending. He wished me luck and we parted ways as he took my resume on file.

I headed off to Las Vegas where I stayed with Scott my old mission companion and his wife. It was great, they fed me the best mexican haystacks of my life and we spoke of the old folks on the mission field. I was grateful to see a great friend again. Today was a good day.

scripture: DnC 9:8

Day 62 Phoenix AZ song: Boys Don't Cry - The Cure (preferable as performed by Oleander)

This may have been the hardest day. Immediately I began the morning motivated and ready to handle a big town. First I had to clear some evils of a traffic ticket. It turns out I had a court date. I was on the road and I had a hard time remembering things and I forgot it. I called to let them know I was out of town but they didn't care. I was told I have a two week grace period (so i thought) and it was really a two day grace period. So they threatened to revoke my licence and slapped an extra 300 dollar fine. This hurt bad. How bad did I need that money? Very bad.

I felt already like I wanted to quit. I had never felt this close to quiting before. The money it will take to pay off that ticket comes out of the money I had stached to move to another place. My parents will shout "Hip, Hip Hooray" at the thought of me moving to Sacramento and working a No Risk desk job, for the rest of my life. But, I thought I would do todays destination first. reluctantly.

I went to Radio disney where the had a promotions director job opening. The PD was nice, but she informed me that it was already filled. The only other job listing I found in radio in Phoenix was at the rock station. I went there for the promotions position and the same thing, it was already filled friday. That time when I heard it, I got choked up. I almost out of nowhere broke down right infront of reception. This has never even come close to happening. I walked out of the building letting out my LOUDEST grunt of frustration.

Then the local tv station Fox, had contacted me. I thought great, now I am getting somewhere. My old professor called in a favour to speak with someone for me. It was a producer who only wanted to put me on the morning show to talk about my adventure. Honestly I really didn't care to. Not as much as I want someone to take an interest in what it is that I do with my talent. She wanted to have me doing some panhandling in Tempe like I did on Saturday night. I don't want to be someone who makes the economy look bad. I hope that I could be a symbol of hope instead.

So I gave in. I drove to LDS employment office just seeing if I can ask for anything. Anything at all. ANY job. I spoke to the old man in charge. He had me fill out some paper work and informed me that all they can do is offer a class in how to write a resume. And give me a list of job websites to search in. To give me the means to start a job hunt. He then informed what else I already know. Which is, "80 percent of all jobs are recieved by referral. 10 percent are found online".
I thanked him politely as I could for his time and I walked out. I didn't have the patience to hear one more guy try to tell "ME" how hard it is right now. And what it is I have to do to make it. Unfortunately for my purposes, that was a waste of time.

I had felt deep feelings of defeat. I didn't think I would feel them. I thought that I was bullet proof, like I was superman. Not today.
It was then i got a call from a dude I met in church named Jake who i told about my plight. He went and found me someone to talk to. His friends name is Brandon. Brandon had worked in the industry for a few years and is now doing advertising. Brandon was more than helpful. He didn't have a lot of contacts for me, but he had some avenues for me to check out and gave me some ideas of what else I can do with my skills. He showed me what some of his friend he knows have done with their broadcasting skills and encouraged me to keep on keepin' on. And just like that, my day picked up. I did some more resume deliveries and even got to talk to someone in Clear Channel (for the first time with that company) and did it gleefully. I was very positive at that point. I really didn't know how a little bit of positive reinforcement went so far. I was freaked out in how fast I almost just gave up at this point. How could I quit? I am so close, I gotta go out swinging.

I finished the day knowing I spent my time well and I worked as HARD as I could, like most days. I couldn't have tried any harder. And for some reason, I felt better about things, I know somehow, I will survive. Some how some way.

scripture: James 1: 3

Day 61 Mesa AZ song: I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty

This morning I woke with a lot on my brain. Some things very serious. One in particular is that I fear more and more every city I go to, knowing I am that much closer to my finish line. I would keep going until I found a job if I could afford it. But I am officially past budget and now I am living off of helping hands, favors and pan handling. Thats a humbling feeling like I have never known.

No matter how much success, no matter how much love I get, there are still mornings when I wake up in a panic of "what am I going to do?" I am getting close and Phoenix is not looking good as far as opportunity. But tomorrow I hit the ground running delivering my resume.

This is going to be a hard week, from here, Its all big cities. Even the ones that are small, are so close to the big towns that they are just part of the massive conglomeration that is Southern California. All I have left is Flagstaff and Prescott AZ and hopefully something between Vegas. My work is cut out for me.

Some days its hard for me not to fantasize a little bit about what it would have been like if I never went to college and just stayed in Radio and tried to move up from there. I know college was the right decsion..... I know that..... But I still wonder "what if?" But I know that I had out grown the position I was at in CBS sacramento. I have to do better things. Its a must.

Then wouldn't ya know it. I went to church and our sunday school lesson was on the importance of education. The church sponsors and deeply encourages it. I didn't know why I decided it was so important, I didn't really need it for what I am planning on doing in my life. But, I just felt that I should go and get an education. Hearing the words of the lesson really helped me feel better. Its important to me that I don't regret. I learned at college how to think different and how to obtain the knowledge coupled with experience of what it takes to be a man as I see fit. I wouldn't have gotten that from staying in Radio. It was worth the sacrifice. Even under my pathetic job searching condition.

I met some people at church who are looking to help me find some contacts. Non of them have anything definative, but they are certainly giving it their best for me.
I also ran into an old friend of mine from Sacramento named RJ. RJ is possibly one of the funniest and wittiest men I have ever met. we had the same same sunday school class together and he did not dissapoint. Just seeing him there at church gave me an extra incentive to want to give it my best in AZ to find a job.

I wandered a bit in the desert to think. I love roaming around the cactus. I love cactus. I needed to realign myself to finding that missing element of what it is I need to find a job. I need to keep up my prayers and hard work. I know that all of my friends have kept me in their hearts. I can't let them down. I need to press on and give it my all regardless of how bleak it looks from here. I need to go out the way I gotta go out.

scripture: DnC 88:

Day 60 Tempe AZ song:King Of The Road - Roger Miller

Not much to tell as far as work is concerned. In a city as huge as Phoeniex, I would have hoped there would be more jobs posted. Only a couple in promotions and of course a few in sales. Thats ok though, I have a good resume in promotions and I love doing that in radio. Its almost as fun as being on the air, and I think that a foot in the door would be better than nothing at all. Plus, I love the dusty southwest.

When I arrived at AZ, my good friend Karen found me a place to stay across the street from her home at some bachelor pad. The host who had arranged my accomodations is name is Nate. He is a good ole laid back surfer dude. Nate, has been nothing short of the incredible people I have met on my journey. He gave me bedding supplies, a breakfast and took some time to get to know me as well as me him.

In the afternoon after my online job hunt, he took me with his friends down the salt rive to go sit in a tub and float down the river. This was scary for me because the last time I floated down a river, I came within inches of my life from drowning. But, Nate and his friends tied there floaty tubes down to mine so I couldn't move astray. I had a great time. The river was of course filled with booze and tatoos, but, the scenary out side was incredible. Its the only river I know that is filled with Cactus around the river. It has the amazing southwestern landscape of tall mesas and swarrow and a really calm and mildly chilly river. The river was fun, but the fact that I was taken to it and was made so welcomed in the group, was even better. I loved that the most.

I had a dream when I was at Nate's nice home. I looked out his kitchen window and I saw a magnificent view. It was just past the street I saw some tall palm trees and large mesas in the background and some mobil homes inside. I thought to myself. "Gee, I wish I could live in a humble little mobil home park with some trees like that, with all my friends in my neighborhood. I wouldn't need much in my life. I don't need a large house in a posh neighborhood to be happy. I would need to have neighbors I love with love in the home. We would have some small but relentlessly energetic dogs and we would bar b que together every weekend. The dudes would talk about sports and we would lite off fireworks into the southwestern sky, for no, or very little reason at all. We would all have porch swings and our little community would be to do nothing but help eachother out. It would be great."
I don't know why I had that fantasy. Something about the southwest just gets into me and gives me visions. And No. I have NOT being taking peoti, unlike what you may be thinking. I think some times Arizona can be every part the "Land Of Enchantment" that New Mexico is.

The evening I was invited to a party with a bunch of hot singles...... It didn't take my interest. I wanted to explore AZ some. There were no sports, rock n' roll or anything going on that I really wanted to do. So I went to tempe on "Mill Ave" which is the main drag of Tempe. Its like a santa cruz or an austin where there is a lot of little wierd shops and places to eat and bars to hang out at. And lots of pan handlers. I have to purchase some tickets I reserved for a concert in So Cal to see the Gin Blossoms, because I promised and old girlfriend that I would take her. So I panhandled with a sign stating exactly what I was looking for. The sign generated some sympathy and made my Cash for Cash do really well. I didn't make all the money I needed but, I am certain that I will in Vegas. It was just fun to do that with all the other creative pan handlers roaming about.

I spent the later part of the evening thinking and shootin the breeze with a dear friend on the telephone. As I roamed around Tempe, I realized, there is not a part of anywhere that I don't like it seems. Every nook and cranny is just beautiful to me. I had a great day.....and night.

scripture: 3rd Nephi 12: 5

Day 59 NM to AZ song: 1000 Miles from Nowhere - Dwight Yoakum

I woke up this morning to the rising sun of New Mexico. It felt like I was entering the Heavens gate. I felt huge, like it was all for me. Perhaps, because I was the only one around while the sun illuminated these huge rock formations steep and smooth. I figured out that New Mexico really brings the Hippy out in me. For some people, its surfing, or just the islands, for some its the woods or the golf course or the mountains. For me, I know that it is New Mexico.

I hit the ground running looking for work in Radio in Gallup, I wanted this one BAD today. I tried to sell myself to the secretaries as usual. And they were friendly. One said that they weren't there, but she offered me some orange juice and some promotional life water. That was nice. The other station I went to had nobody in there but the jock. I waited for someone to come out and a cat jumped on me as another one walked by, IN THE RADIO STATION. The jock yelled out to me, "Nobody is here, they are all out to lunch!" I decided, that it wasn't worth coming back. I don't mind cats at all, but I ain't gonna work in a place with cats roaming about. Although it would be funny.
The last station of the day, the program director spoke with me. He and his staff are bitter about the radio industry. I can't blame him, but he thinks its really the fault of the programers. I half way agree with him. But he took an honest interest in my resume and politely said, "If anything opens up man, I sure to give you a strong consideration."

The rest of the day, I went searching for individuals I know. I couldn't find anyone. Phone numbers had changed and people had moved. The only people I could find were the investigators who weren't too interested. I would have visited, but what would I say, I certainly can't play the missionary card again.

My older brother called last night and was making sure i was NOT going to come to Gallup. Most of my friends really never understood what had transpired in my life at that time. I guess the truth was hard to understand. Most everyone outside my religion felt it was the worst thing that happend to me. That I sacrificed a girl I loved, a job that was great and a spot in the Hottest band in Sacramento, The Jackie Greene band. Some people still remind me that if it wasn't for the mission..... Now as I see Gallup and enjoy it so much, I now remember how the real traumatic memories were coming back to Sacramento. Losing the mission was the hardest part. Its easy for me to remember why now. I just loved the Navajos.....unconditionally. I was meant to be there. I would have done anything for them...... I still would. I would dare anybody to ask me if I would do it all over again.

I loved my day in Gallup, even though there were no jobs, I loved seeing how the town had really cleaned up its image. Its much nicer and BIGGER. Much more of a tourist trap than before. The economy seems to be doing fine there. Oddly enough because when the economy was great, it seemed to be doing awful.....Wierd.

I dragged my feat as I went to Arizona. I skipped Flagstaff, I'll tag it on my way back up to Las Vegas. But I did see the Petrified forest and the painted Desert National Park. It was terrific. SO terrific that I sped through just five miles of it and turned around. I don't want to experience everything by myself. I want to save somethings for when I have someone with me. Besides, sometimes the greater the experience is, the more it sucks when you are by yourself.

I took 87 the B highway to Gilbert AZ. It was darkening with overcast. I had no idea how many mountains there is in AZ. But its impressive. I saw a really dramatic sight for a long drive going to AZ. I love the southwest. Its the best. People ask me if I am getting tired of driving. NEVER! If I could do it for a living (if its not a big truck) I would consider it. I love the open road. I can just think and have the greatest chains of thought run through my head about anything. Its been the greatest thing ever. And I decided if I ever became a writer, I would move to New Mexico or Arizona. The sky would be the greatest inspiration for me.

scripture:Ether 4:1

Day 58 Gallup NM song: Rest Of My Life - Less Than Jake

Last night my hosts Megan and Geren were telling me about their, "How they found each other" story. I really love those stories. I imagined their story to be a good one and it was. It was heartwarming and hilarious at the same time. Geren told me he believes that marriages are nothing short of miracles..... I think he might be right.



Megan and Geren were about as hospitibul as I could ever ask for. They rolled out the red carpet. One more reminder, of how I am going to have a real open door for people to stay at my place when I get one. I am forever indebted to a lot of friends. And that is fine by me. They will always be welcomed with me.



I did my normal routine of going to the radio stations and hand delivering my resume's. Like most places, the Program Directors are in meetings as soon as I get there. Which is funny, because I never remember the guys I worked for to be THAT busy. But, with the radio down sizing, we have a lot less people with the same amount of work.



There had been an Opening I was told about for a morningshow co-host position in the four corners area. I heard they were mostly getting locals to audition on the air. I figured I might have a leg up. Unfortunately, I missed the guy I was supposed to talk to for that, but I get the sense from the lack of info on the website, that the position was filled. Thats too bad, because I really thought I might hit the jack pot. But there is still plenty of country to see.



Megan and Geren bought me lunch at a great southwestern resturaunt, I had me some green chili in my burrito and I loved it. Mexican food tastes better out here. Afterwards I had to leave, as much as I had a great time, it was time to go to the place I most feared... Gallup.



When I arrived close to Gallup I saw an old Shi Ma (Navajo grandma) hitchhiking with a crutch and a bag of fruts and vegies. I picked her up and took her to her destination. Then I saw a middle aged Navajo man hitch hiking as well. I picked him up too. His name is Jefferson, he was indeed grateful for the ride. He wasn't used to hitch hiking yet. I found that wierd. In Gallup, thats part of the culture. He told me about his life and I immediately went into missionary mode. It was an instinct of mine I guess. We talked and had good conversation, he told me he was in the marines many years ago. I thanked him for his service as he left my car and he turned around and said, "Nobody has ever thanked me for that before..... You just made my day." He left and I shouted "HAGONET!" That means Go in Peace in Navajo.

It felt great to serve the Navajos. I still feel my kinship with them.



For those of you who don't know. I served a mission in Gallup NM. It wasn't the mission home, but thats really the only placed I served......I came back early.... VERY early. Yes, I had an honorable release. I suffered from serious depression that met its culmination out in New Mexico.....It never sat well with me. I LOVED my time out there and I never go a day without thinking about it, nearly 7 years later. I served as HARD as I could and I left no regrets behind....except that I couldn't finish what I started. It took me several years to come back to being a normal person. I atest that defeating clinical depression as my greatest achievement in life..... anyone else would too. By the time I got better, I was old, time to move on. Coming here was the big test for me, to see if I am really ok and moved on. I was terrified of what the truth may hold.



As it turns out, I am ok. I think that I have finally made my peace with my past. Now there is no question in my heart that I had out run the demons that haunted me. It may seem wierd, but this to me, is the most triumphant moment in this journey. As I drove down memory lanes of all the places I used to go, the roads I used to hitchhike, the reservations, the old apartment, church.... Everything. I am doing ok, I only had pleasant memories. It wasn't the hardness of the mission that led me to my struggles, its just where I realized the seriousness of my issues. The beast is gone now, I couldn't be more grateful that I finally won, there is nothing more to prove. The atonement really lifted away those feelings.

I never did get to cross the finish line of a mission, and that monkey has been on my back everyday since. I am ok with him being there. I will never feel like my work is done, like my service has been rendered and I paid my dues. I will always continue to do service, the way it had been done for me. Thats the way I want to live my life.



I spent the night at the Red Rock state Park campground. I got to catch some of the Gallup Rodeo. And I did a tiny bit of country dancing with the Navajos to the country band. But I am so bad at country dancing that I let it go and went to camp. I camped deep down in the desert canyon as far away from civilization as I could. A place that was untouched as possible by people. It was the most pure spot in the park. I was surrounded by dramatic and tall red rocks and mesas. I slept underneath the stars and stared at the brightness and glory. I may not have landed a job today or at all on this trip. But, there is no question in my mind, this was the right thing to do.



scripture: Ephesians 1:7

Day 57 Aluquerque/ Santa Fe song: Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2

I woke up to a text informing me that the rock station in Roswell wants to interview me on the morning show sharing my experiences and offering a hotel room. Unfortunately, I had already left town and was too far away, but that would have been a lot of fun.

I stayed last night with a guy named John. He is the roomate of a guy who knows a girl who knows a guy I know. Swing Connection. He was very hospitibul gave me a nice bed and breakfast and left me with a snack pack for the road. Awesome!

Albuquerque has had some serious radio consolodation. All of the stations are in two buildings and that is it. Radio stations used to be privately owned and small organizations until 1995. The telecommunications act was signed so that people could own several radio stations in a given market and put them all in one building. Then they were run by rich white dudes in New York who were all about sales and business who had no interest in radio. This marked the beggining of the end of radio as we once loved it.

I hate to sound politcal. I am not a Bill Clinton hater. I appreciate him serving our country and he did some terrific things. Which I would thank him for if I ever met him. But then I would grab him by his FAT neck and stare him in the eye and demand he apologizes to the world for signing the act that ruined one of the greatest contributions to culture in our society.

Needless to say, my efforts to get in these large radio buildings were futile at best. Receptionists don't care to help a brother out. They were never jocks, they don't understand. I left Albuquerque feeling unsuccessful. So I stopped on by the Albuquerque Temple for a moment of peace. Every moment in New Mexico is a moment of peace, but even more so when you are at the temple. I love its beauty, its solitude and color. It compliments the land like most of the southwest does. I had some good strong feelings that I am on the right path.

I then found I had an encouraging e-mail from Jeff the General Manager in Columbus Ohio, telling me not to give up, That I am a talented man and that I will find good work and I will do great in the business. Boy! did I need that. Especially from a guy so powerful in the radio industry.

Its a funny thing. In my life, I have delt with serious self confidence issues. I never believed I was any good at radio, guitar, vocals, TV, Writing or anything I did. I only felt that I was good in fooling people who didn't know better. Before I took this journey, I still had some of that in me. I still doubt my self constantly. But now, I fully believe I could do great things in radio. That I could become an extremely valuable asset to any market. But oddly enough, for the first time in my life, nobody is giving me a chance. When I didn't believe in myself, everyone else did. Now that I do have faith, well, nobody is giving me the chance. Thats ok, I will march on.

Just after that I recieved a phone call from my Mother. She informed me that I got a letter from a radio station and an application from a station in Amarillo Texas. If that isn't a kick to the pants, nothing is. I don't know for sure what it means to have an official application overnighted to your house, but imagine its not a bad sign. I believe the Trigga Man was right when he told me the most intriguing point of the journey should be at the nexus where the journey crosses. Which is Amarillo. America's arm pit. But, beggers can't be choosers, the market size isn't too small, I may learn to love it yet.................................please kill me.

Santa Fe has great stations, I dropped off my stuff there. At least the receptionists are nice. But of course, program directors are ALWAYS at a meeting or out to lunch no matter when you show up. Thats ok, I do what I can.

I spent the rest of the evening driving to my friends Megan and Geren's home in Aztec, where I have another lead to follow. Its nice to have a good couple to stay with, we shared stories and had some laughs. I can't believe how blessed I am to have the people in my life. I don't know how I got this lucky in my life, but I sure do appreciate it.

scripture: TBD