I woke up with a bad feelilng. A feeling that says, "I ain't out of the woods yet."
I had an appointment that Ravi my hollywood buddy sent me on with a dude who he went to film school who is tearing it up in the movie industry right now. His name is Joe and he is a big time sound editor in Hollywood. His most recent big work was on the movie Crank 2. We went to a coffee joint and discussed careers. He was a down to earth dude who dispite his hard work and sucess, is very humble. He told me, "You seem to have a lot of different skills that are all related to eachother. Its good to be versatile and to keep your options open. But my advice to you is that you need to narrow your focus way down. Between tv reporting, radio jocking, promotions and producing, what is it you REALLY want to do?"
That question is something that I had been running into a lot lately. What is it exactly I am looking for. I guess all I ever wanted was to be a radio jock. Is that so much to ask? But I wasn't even sure that I wanted that so bad anymore I was willing to do this journey. To go through all the bull crap its taken to get this far, I think being a jock isn't for sure what I am looking for. So when he asked me "What is it exactly I want?" All I can think of was that little house in New Mexico, the happy little wife, the porch swing, the humble American car, the friendly neighbor, the southwestern landscape. It was all that stuff that came to my mind. So I guess I didn't honestly know how to answer the question.
Later, I met up with Ravi, he tried to share me his thoughts on the trip, that my tactic may not have been the best one. He may be right, but all of the other options people have given, are stupid, they are FAR more useless. He always thought my trip was about seeing America. And in the begining, it was. He was right.
Ravi is a guy you gotta listen to. He is young and rubs shoulders with some high profile dudes in the Hollywood business and is currently employed by ABC. He also humbly posesses an academy award for an indendant short film. I have watched him suffer and pay his dues for years, and he is still not out of the woods. He is still pluggin' along.
Ravi and I went to lunch. I tried to thank him for all that he had done for me, getting me connections and a place to crash. He wouldn't allow a thank you. He said, "You'd do the same for me. I just want to see you succeed."
We are always good at getting a good laugh together. We joked about an old buddy of ours in highschool and we laughed 'til we cried.
We laughed for too long because I responded to an internet for an audition for a radio jock. A jock for all kinds of radio jocks....IN HOLLYWOOD. The audition is for anybody, no experience necessary. In the most competitive job market in the country for broadcasting, this sounded shady. BUT, what choice do I have but to check it out. I left on a 12 mile drive with 35 minutes to spare incase the traffic was bad........ Traffic was bad. It took me an HOUR and TWENTY minutes to drive 12 miles. I was 2o minutes late to the audition. I parked my car three blocks from the audition, completely stressed out and stir crazy. I sprinted to the building anyway, husseling through my asthma, puffing that gross sunset blvd air. I got to the building it was being held in. It was a seedy building on the corner, completely unlabeled, and it looked like a good place to find some drugs, and by drugs I don't mean pot, but the more expensive kind.
I pounded on the door stressed out. A gentlemen opened it up and began to tell me that it was closed and too late, but I finally did something I haven't done all trip..... I let someone see how desperate I was. I shoved my foot in the door and said, "Listen, give me one minute, I promise you won't regret it. (huffing and puffing) I am a great radio persona, I have done it for years. I have driven 12,000 miles delivering resumes in person, only to be told "NO" "SORRY" in 30 different states, I have gotten sick twice, one busted foot, spent everything I own and lost the love of my life one last time. I promise you, nobody in there wants this as bad as I do right now. Please let me in.".... I couldn't believe I said all of that. That was pitiful. I have never been that desperate in my life. Especially for a situation that has at the very LEAST plenty of room for question. But I was stressed out in the L.A. traffic, and I completly lost my composure like never before.
His response was, "I am sorry, but we are closed for now, check the internet, there will be another audition in a week. I have to let you go, its distracting for the auditioners."
He slammed the door on me and I collapsed from exhaustion on the steps. I just sat there on the corner of sunset blvd. Watching the cars go by and the seedy locals go by. I sat there for a long long time. And I just didn't feel like getting up. I didn't want to do anything. This trip was not supposed to end this bad. I don't know what happend, I was so positive in the morning. I called up my ex-girlfriend Jennilyn whom I was supposed to have a date with and I cancelled. Nothing against her, but I wouldn't be good company. I was defeated. I needed to get out of LA. I was way off course the whole time. I love that I have family and friends there, but that isn't the place that I want to call home someday. I needed to get out of dodge immediately. No time for anything.
I changed my mind on that pretty quick. Right when I was about to leave, I saw a sign for the famous hollywood bowl. I have only seen it, and never been. I have always wanted to look at it. So I went up to it to take some pictures. For those of you who don't what the Hollywood bowl is, its the classiet music venue in America. Its where people like Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, Miles Davis would play. It was not for the Bon Jovis or Snoop Doggs or the Garth Brooks of the world. This place is CLASSY.
The woman at the entry wouldn't let me in. I guess there was a show tomorrow and it was John Fogerty (from Creedence Clearwater) . I said,
"REALLY, is that him sound checking right now?"
"Yes thats him and his band."
"Please miss, Can I come in for just one song, I am on a road trip and it would really make my L.A. experience." That and more groveling, she eventually let me in for a bit as long as I stayed quiet in the corner and took no pictures. It was great, It was like I had my own private show with John Fogerty at the Hollywood bowl, with the famous Hollywood sign out in the distance all lit up.
While he was playing hit after hit, like "Lookin' Out my Backdoor" "Bad Moon Rising", "Stuck in Lodi" and several others, I started to think about what Ravi said. It wasn't about finding a job. It was about getting the experience. Why do I have to feel like a failure because I didn't get I was looking for. The trip was never about the finish line. It was about the journey. I may never have my Radio job, or my wife and house in New Mexico that I strive for. But it doesn't matter what you accomplish, as long as you gave it everything you know that you have. Thats how i will sleep with that on my consciounce.
I drove all night to Santa Barbara. Its the prettiest college town I have ever seen By far. I'll bet the kids here are rich and get nothing done. It looks like a fancy town in mexico, very posh and very cool. I slept out on the beach a mile from the pier under the stars next to my car. Like MxPx once said, "Today didn't have to be this way, but tomorrow is another day."
scripture: Doctrine and Covenants 9:8
I had an appointment that Ravi my hollywood buddy sent me on with a dude who he went to film school who is tearing it up in the movie industry right now. His name is Joe and he is a big time sound editor in Hollywood. His most recent big work was on the movie Crank 2. We went to a coffee joint and discussed careers. He was a down to earth dude who dispite his hard work and sucess, is very humble. He told me, "You seem to have a lot of different skills that are all related to eachother. Its good to be versatile and to keep your options open. But my advice to you is that you need to narrow your focus way down. Between tv reporting, radio jocking, promotions and producing, what is it you REALLY want to do?"
That question is something that I had been running into a lot lately. What is it exactly I am looking for. I guess all I ever wanted was to be a radio jock. Is that so much to ask? But I wasn't even sure that I wanted that so bad anymore I was willing to do this journey. To go through all the bull crap its taken to get this far, I think being a jock isn't for sure what I am looking for. So when he asked me "What is it exactly I want?" All I can think of was that little house in New Mexico, the happy little wife, the porch swing, the humble American car, the friendly neighbor, the southwestern landscape. It was all that stuff that came to my mind. So I guess I didn't honestly know how to answer the question.
Later, I met up with Ravi, he tried to share me his thoughts on the trip, that my tactic may not have been the best one. He may be right, but all of the other options people have given, are stupid, they are FAR more useless. He always thought my trip was about seeing America. And in the begining, it was. He was right.
Ravi is a guy you gotta listen to. He is young and rubs shoulders with some high profile dudes in the Hollywood business and is currently employed by ABC. He also humbly posesses an academy award for an indendant short film. I have watched him suffer and pay his dues for years, and he is still not out of the woods. He is still pluggin' along.
Ravi and I went to lunch. I tried to thank him for all that he had done for me, getting me connections and a place to crash. He wouldn't allow a thank you. He said, "You'd do the same for me. I just want to see you succeed."
We are always good at getting a good laugh together. We joked about an old buddy of ours in highschool and we laughed 'til we cried.
We laughed for too long because I responded to an internet for an audition for a radio jock. A jock for all kinds of radio jocks....IN HOLLYWOOD. The audition is for anybody, no experience necessary. In the most competitive job market in the country for broadcasting, this sounded shady. BUT, what choice do I have but to check it out. I left on a 12 mile drive with 35 minutes to spare incase the traffic was bad........ Traffic was bad. It took me an HOUR and TWENTY minutes to drive 12 miles. I was 2o minutes late to the audition. I parked my car three blocks from the audition, completely stressed out and stir crazy. I sprinted to the building anyway, husseling through my asthma, puffing that gross sunset blvd air. I got to the building it was being held in. It was a seedy building on the corner, completely unlabeled, and it looked like a good place to find some drugs, and by drugs I don't mean pot, but the more expensive kind.
I pounded on the door stressed out. A gentlemen opened it up and began to tell me that it was closed and too late, but I finally did something I haven't done all trip..... I let someone see how desperate I was. I shoved my foot in the door and said, "Listen, give me one minute, I promise you won't regret it. (huffing and puffing) I am a great radio persona, I have done it for years. I have driven 12,000 miles delivering resumes in person, only to be told "NO" "SORRY" in 30 different states, I have gotten sick twice, one busted foot, spent everything I own and lost the love of my life one last time. I promise you, nobody in there wants this as bad as I do right now. Please let me in.".... I couldn't believe I said all of that. That was pitiful. I have never been that desperate in my life. Especially for a situation that has at the very LEAST plenty of room for question. But I was stressed out in the L.A. traffic, and I completly lost my composure like never before.
His response was, "I am sorry, but we are closed for now, check the internet, there will be another audition in a week. I have to let you go, its distracting for the auditioners."
He slammed the door on me and I collapsed from exhaustion on the steps. I just sat there on the corner of sunset blvd. Watching the cars go by and the seedy locals go by. I sat there for a long long time. And I just didn't feel like getting up. I didn't want to do anything. This trip was not supposed to end this bad. I don't know what happend, I was so positive in the morning. I called up my ex-girlfriend Jennilyn whom I was supposed to have a date with and I cancelled. Nothing against her, but I wouldn't be good company. I was defeated. I needed to get out of LA. I was way off course the whole time. I love that I have family and friends there, but that isn't the place that I want to call home someday. I needed to get out of dodge immediately. No time for anything.
I changed my mind on that pretty quick. Right when I was about to leave, I saw a sign for the famous hollywood bowl. I have only seen it, and never been. I have always wanted to look at it. So I went up to it to take some pictures. For those of you who don't what the Hollywood bowl is, its the classiet music venue in America. Its where people like Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, Miles Davis would play. It was not for the Bon Jovis or Snoop Doggs or the Garth Brooks of the world. This place is CLASSY.
The woman at the entry wouldn't let me in. I guess there was a show tomorrow and it was John Fogerty (from Creedence Clearwater) . I said,
"REALLY, is that him sound checking right now?"
"Yes thats him and his band."
"Please miss, Can I come in for just one song, I am on a road trip and it would really make my L.A. experience." That and more groveling, she eventually let me in for a bit as long as I stayed quiet in the corner and took no pictures. It was great, It was like I had my own private show with John Fogerty at the Hollywood bowl, with the famous Hollywood sign out in the distance all lit up.
While he was playing hit after hit, like "Lookin' Out my Backdoor" "Bad Moon Rising", "Stuck in Lodi" and several others, I started to think about what Ravi said. It wasn't about finding a job. It was about getting the experience. Why do I have to feel like a failure because I didn't get I was looking for. The trip was never about the finish line. It was about the journey. I may never have my Radio job, or my wife and house in New Mexico that I strive for. But it doesn't matter what you accomplish, as long as you gave it everything you know that you have. Thats how i will sleep with that on my consciounce.
I drove all night to Santa Barbara. Its the prettiest college town I have ever seen By far. I'll bet the kids here are rich and get nothing done. It looks like a fancy town in mexico, very posh and very cool. I slept out on the beach a mile from the pier under the stars next to my car. Like MxPx once said, "Today didn't have to be this way, but tomorrow is another day."
scripture: Doctrine and Covenants 9:8
Failure? I think not, Randy try reading over your blog...start at the beginning and then go to this post...I'm amazed and you just might be too. I'm pretty sure this trip has been a success.
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