Day 69 Anaheim C.A. song: Story Of My Life - Social Distortion

Dissapointed myself pretty bad today. You see, I have been pretty proud of myself and work ethic this entire trip. I have barely let any days go to waste, i have been pretty productive and know that I make the most out of every day. If I ever take a break, its because I don't physically have a choice, I need to rest. Today, I didn't. Today, I woke up late. I responded to e-mails, applied more online (which really gets you know where), and I decided to try out my cousins idea of working at Disneyland for the jungle cruise job.

So I drove a late start to Anaheim to Disneyland. I found out really quick that the stereo-type of most male employees being gay at Disneyland, is true. That would be good, there would be little competition between me and the ladies.
But, I did my application and the job I applied for didn't look to be available at the time. There was plenty others, but I don't really think that I would like anything else. I don't much feel like I would want to climb the corporate ladder up there. Nothing against the place, I just feel I would be straying way too far off course. I gotta get back to why I took this journey.

Stuck in L.A.'s insane traffic all day was not the way I wanted to spend my day. I did about nothing else other than the on-line job hunt. Searching, for the jobs that I really really want the most and going to go and get. The cartoon network has a position I might be good for. We will see. As it turns out I do have a good connection with a professional Hollywood sound editor and a gentlemen who works at capital records. It looks like I have a small chance to redeem myself tomorrow, and I better take it. My time is short.

My feet dragged for many reasons. But mostly because of myself. Today, I ran out of steam. I just didn't want to do this anymore. I wanted to go to my parents house and quit. As close to the end as I am, I just wanted it to be done NOW. It was the events that played out on friday that has weighed me down, it just didn't happen the full proofed way I planned it. Thats ok. I just need to pick myself up enough to finish what I started on this trip, and know, that I really came on this trip finish strong. To NOT give up. That is the ONLY way for me to be unsuccessful on this journey, the moment I give it up. Is the moment I fail.

Day 68 Yorba Linda CA song: The World Ain't Slowin' Down - Ellis Paul

I went to church in Huntington Beach. The members were filled with people who look like they are in magazines. There is no question, I am in Southern California. Everyone was attractive and pretty nice. The lessons were taught well and the talks were spoken well. But I wasn't ready. One thing about church is, you only get what you put into it. If you don't come prepared to learn, you get nothing. I may have walked in their humble, but not humble and hungry. I came in their trying to catch up, but felt nothing. I wasn't prepared. I didn't spiritually prepare myself. This is a mistake I cannot afford to make next week.

While at church, I introduced myself to the elders quarum and told everyone what I am doing. And for the third time on this trip, someone pulled me aside and offered to give me a job that would teach me how to talk to people and how to make money to buy expensive bull crap that NOBODY needs. I got a job offer to sell security. Not that I have an issue with those who do that, but if I wanted to do sales, I could do that anywhere. Door to door sales man jobs do NOT require this kind of perseverence to get.

Afterwards I had met with my extended family. All my cousins, Aunts, Uncles and second cousins and such. I have had a very American Experience for the last ten weeks, but today was a latin American Experience. You should know that I am Half Ecuadorian. All of my relatives on my Mom's side of the family are full blooded Ecuadorians. We had a reunion dinner in the back patio of my Uncle Pepe house. Like usual, they all give me a playfully hard time because my spanish sucks. They will never get over that but that is ok, I did let them down. They all have known about my trip and my appearances of TV and my little show at the college I had. They were so proud and excited to have me over. I really miss that part of the family. I really haven't seen most of them in ten years. Its about time I did.

Perhaps my favorite cousin Gustavo, the schmoozer, spoke with me about possible jobs at his place of work, which is Disneyland. He and the rest of the family thought I would be perfect for the jungle boat ride tour guide. I have been told that several times in my life so maybe its time I see what its all about. Of course, Disneyland doesn't seem like my type of place, BUT, I need work, and it does sound like it could be some fun. We will see what becomes of that.

I got to meet my little niese Franchesca who just loved to hang out and I got to see my baby cousin Paola who is a grown woman now. Its a little jarring, but it was so great to see the family and remember where I come from. As hard as I try to be a Red blooded, ford driving, American Road Warrior, I still am a latin American as well.

In the evening I was planning my day for Monday. All of the love I have recieved on this trip has left me with what I need to dig down ONE more time on this journey. I know I haven't been too successful. I know that I may be going about this the wrong way or am just in a bad time. I know that there is NO more competittive job market than Los Angeles.....However, I am going out swinging. Tomorrow, I am going to hit up all of Burbank and show everybody including myself what it is I am really made of.

scripture:Isaiah 5: 19

Day 67 Chino Hills CA song: Help Me Make It Through The Night - Kris Kristofferson

Axel Rose once sang, "Its hard to keep an open heart, when even friends seem out to harm you, but if you could heal a broken heart, wouldn't time be out to charm you."

It took me a long time to really figure what that meant. I think I get it now. Of course, what idiot would take a pearl of wisdom from a disturbed man like Axel Rose. But sometimes I believe its those who suffer the most, understand love the most.

This morning I woke up feeling sick and in pain. So checked back into my remedies of a good ole fashion visit from Mr. Heartache. When you get the blues you gotta do what Johnny Cash would do. And that is get rhythym. I was about to call up my old band "CASH ONLY" the Johnny Cash tribute and book us a HUGE show that was going to wake up Sacramento and let be aware of my arival back home. Then somehow I stumbled onto another Johnny Cash Tribute band in Sacramento called Cash Only. They are really good. Far better than my band, and that is NOT being modest. Somehow in the time that I was gone in Idaho and not playing many shows, they took my spot in the Johnny celebration. That hurt. Musically, that band was all I had left. I guess thats one more thing to move on from.

I checked on-line for the jobs that had recently opened in So-Cal. There were many that match what I am looking for. Except nearly all of them require more experience than I got. One thing about this economy is, that employers are not hiring college grads like they used to. Now they are hiring the most experienced, which in broadcasting is a ton of people. L.A. is probably the most competitive job market for Broadcasting in the United States. Thats not what I need right now to finish off this trip. I searched for hours and I have a few things, but thats not the most pressing thing on my mind.

I stayed last night with my cousin Pamela and her husband Paul. They were very good to me, they gave me a bed and fed me some of the best food ever. I hadn't seen them in ten years, but they never forget that we are family. I really love them. But the biggest treat is that I have never met thier four year old daughter. The daughter calls me Uncle Rockin' Randy. I guess she has watched my videos and thinks of me as a star. Its cute, she is the cutest girl I had ever seen. Full of fun and life.

In the evening I was trying my hardest game face not to think much about the hard times. I was praying for an angel to come and take the pain away...... I think that I got my answer to my prayer. I was sitting outside and out comes my little four year old neise Jackalyn. She came and just sat with me and cuddled with me. I have only known her for just some hours and she loved me unconditionally. I felt the same, I guess thats a family thing. But she couldn't have known what was in my head, I had a good poker face. But she came and comforted me anyway. She taught me patty cake and I read a book to her and colored with her. Then we watched some cartoons and she watched the Office with me. She just enjoyed my company.
What you must know is, I was the youngest in my family. And because I am a dude, nobody ever asks me to baby sit. I have never been comfortable around little children. I never know what to do or say. But, This time, it came naturally. I was very happy. She helped me make it through the night.

scripture: Mosiah 4:11

Day 66 San Bernardino CA song: I'll Never Get Out Of This World Alive - Hank Williams Sr.

What is a happy ending? Is it when the character gets what he has always hoped for? Or when he finds what he really needed? Or is it when the character changes? I don't know what it would be, perhaps, its just the fact that the character can endure.

Well, what many of you don't know, is that this trip wasn't JUST about finding a job. Its exploration. I wanted to see the United States, the historical aspect. Most of the history is kept in museums now. But I wanted to see the different lifestyles and things that are different across the U.S. It is also a time for me to face my fears and put the past behind. You see, I am terrified of driving long distances. I am terrified of the unknown. I am petrified of my past... But still haunted by it.

My three objectives were, to find a job, find a home, and put the past where it all belongs. But how could I do all of that? If I find a job, I guess that means finding a home. No matter where it is that I like, I have to call my new place of work my home. And what would home entail? A place with good weather? Or fun things to do like watch live music or sports? Or is it a place where you become who you are, and the place becomes a little bit of you. Does it matter where you are as long as you are with someone you love? The pretty Red Head I met in North Caralina who had also taken a long journey across America challenged me with this thought.
All of these things that I see and do, when they are not shared with someone I love.....it means nothing. I guess I can appreciate how cool everything in the country is, and I loved the rock n' roll hall of fame, I dug the New York Harbor cruise, I loved Sun Record studios, but I wasn't with a loved one. I had some great friends on some things, and I love them, and those times were meaningful for me. But nothing can compare to having the ONE you love with you. On that thought, it really doesn't matter if you are living in a place that is Shan Gra La. It only matters that you are with someone you love. No amount of things in your life can amount to filling the need that people are born with to have someone to love unselfishly and unconditionally.

Like Johnny Cash said, "A Cardinal sang just for meAnd I thanked him for the Song. Then the Sun went slowly down the West And I had to move along. These were some of the things On which my Mind and Spirit feed;But Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I needFlesh And Blood need Flesh And BloodAnd you're the one I need. So when this Day was ended I was still not satisfied For I knew ev'rything I touched Would wither and would die And Love is all that will remain And grow from all these Seed; Mother Nature's quite a Lady But you're the one I need Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood And you're the one I need."

As you may imagine, my happy ending didn't pan out the way it would have seemed from thursday. Out of respect, I won't go until the harsh details. We had our final dance and thats all I had left to give. Things ended for me knowing that I tried as hard as humanly possible and there was nothing left for me to give. But finally the past is behind. There is still the whole other half of the mountain to climb down, but its over now. I got what I wanted..... My freedom back.

I really didn't know that all of my goals were so perfectly tied together. Just trying to find a home. I guess thats all I ever wanted.

I guess I was wrong about life. You can't completely write your own destiny. You can't choose who you're going to be and where you're going to live. The only thing you can choose, is how far you're willing to go to get what you need.

scripture: 1st Corinthians 11:34

Day 65 San Juan Capistrano song: Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms

Scott took me to see the Las Vegas Nevada temple. It was much more massive than I ever could have predicted. It was beautiful. I had to part ways with Scott and get to work. He is a great friend and always will be. I'll never forget my time with him.

I drove thoughout all of Las Vegas dropping off resumes. Everyone in radio is out of town. People are just too busy these days with all the down sizing.

Afterwards I got a call from a gentlemen in Phoenix. He is a producer/ PR guy for a new tv reality show. A show about some different communications experts who have different emphasis and skill sets trying to work together to use their talents to improve the community. He is interested in having me audition or maybe be a part of the show. It sounded intriguing. We will see where this road can take me. I don't know what to think, this could be what I needed, but its hard to say. We will see what happens when I learn more.



I drove into San Bernardino California. Finally back west. I met up with my old girlfriend Leighann, to whom I hadn't seen in nearly three years. There was a mission between us and alot of heartache. We were set to go see the Gin Blossoms in San Juan Capistrano. Our favorite band together.

I had this night set in motion before the trip was even taken. This pivotal reunion was perhaps just as important as anything else in the entire trip. Leighann has been for years the one I couldn't let go.

The night couldn't have been better, she looked great, made me a nice dinner. We saw the concert and it was AWESOME. We got to high five the singer on stage and take a photo with the singer and guitar player. It was a night I couldn't have predicted or couldn't imagine. It had all the elements of a story book reunion. This night I had plans for it to go one way, but I was pleasantly surprised in that I was willing to let it go another. I'll keep the contents of the discussions private, but from the night it would seem to look like a happy ending to my story. This marks what may be the best day of my trip, and potentially my life. Coming to see her, just felt like.......home.

scripture :TBD

Day 64 Las Vegas NV song: They're Trying to Put an End to Guys Like Me - Gary Allan

Several hours were spent doing my homework. Looking for any and every radio job in the country and E-Mailing. I don't know why I still try that. Then finding every station here in Las Vegas. Then finding the ones in the towns I will be going to. I have become a real starbucks decoration.

I didn't do any in person Job hunting. I needed to take a bit of a load off and reorganize the vehicle and find resume holders, (which don't exist anymore). When I got through with that stuff, my old mission companion Scott took me to see the Hoover Dam. I thought it was pretty rad. I saw the new bridge they are building which looks like it will make traffic coming into Vegas a lot easier and the Hoover dam an even bigger tourist trap. But thats cool, its an impressive sight.

Scott and I had some good discusstions on life. What you should know about Scott is, that he is a former minor league baseball player. He persued his dream, heavily. He never made it to the majors, injuries got in the way. He never doubted that he could have gone to the majors, actually he is quite sure of it. But he found it more important to be with his bride. He found the one thing that was greater than his life dream. I loved hearing his story.

Later on I met my old Highschool buddy Stephanie. I hadn't seen her since graduation and its now been ten years. We went to a park where her 3 kids played in the waterspouts and slides. Its funny how last time we saw eachothi er, our lifestyles were pretty similar, and only due to circumstance, they are now vastly different other than our religion. She is still as sweet as ever. We talked about the joys and challenges of raising a family. I always like hearing what it is like. Steph had three really good looking and healthy kids, living in Las Vegas which aside from the gambling, is a really nice place. Its great to see another one of my friends doing so well. It was great seeing her again.

I capped the night off going to the Las Vegas strip. I have never been there before. Every time I have been to Vegas, I never left the airport. But I parked at the end by the MGM Grand. I walked about one and a half blocks with my video camera. (on a side note, I have filmed a TON of this trip to be edited later for you goons. You better appreciate me looking like a dork in so many places for YOU!!) I saw the most impressive sights I have ever seen. So many bright lights and colors and amazing structures. The place was spackled with Brittney Spears look-a-likes and dudes in expensive hawian shirts holding their hands. Then right there next to me, short dudes everywhere shoving flyers in my face for prostitutes who will be at my door in twenty minutes. I forgot that its legal to do that in Nevada. You know, I have heard all kinds of things about Vegas. Some good some bad. I had never heard that. I have heard some people say, "Its so much more family oriented these days." I don't know where in the country they raise families like that, but in this entire drive, I have never come across those families.
When I found a good spot, that was free of large billboarded porn, I camped out with my guitar, hat, symbol, sign and smile. I used the same sign I used in Tempe to get money for a concert in San Juan Capistrano. That sign makes the sweet ladies really want to give me some change. And all of the Gin Blossom fans. And a few manly Johnny Cash fans. I made a good amount of money here in Vegas. I guess its better the money winds up in my hands than in the casinos. I'll make sure to make the most of it. Las Vegas is the first place that I have come out with more money than I left it with. And I didn't have to gamble a dime.

scripture: Alma 47:36

Day 63 Arizona song: Radio Ga Ga - Queen

Fox local news in Phoenix interviewed me on the corner of Mill and 7th street in Tempe Arizona. The interview was a lot of fun. I was impressed, I felt they were really cool and really wanted to help me out. I was originally skeptical, but I don't know why, they were genuinly out to help me get some pub and I deeply appreciated it. The interview went well and I felt good about it. The reporter and camera man were friendly and I had fun.

Then I went back to Nate's home and packed up and was on my way. Nate was awesome. I really think that if I went to the Phoenix area, I would hang out with him. He gave me an open invitation to come stay with him if I ever come back. I deeply appreciated him taking a stranger into his home and making me feel welcome. I will never forget.

I did my resume dropping routine for a couple more radio statons and CBS out in phoenix. Not much luck as far as speaking to anybody, but we will see.

Next stop is Precott AZ. I really liked Prescott. Its a really isolated and friendly southwestern community. A place to raise a family. I spoke to the radio station out there. All that was there is the one building with several stations in it. I spoke with the Sales manager who seemed to be intrigued by my story. I gave him my selling spiel and he was sorry he couldn't do anything. But he gave me a referral in Flagstaff to someone who might be able to help.

To Flagstaff AZ it was. Flagstaff is another isolated town, but with more trees. And, its a college town. Not a real hip college town like Tempe, Berekely or Boston. But it was cool. Another great place to live. Its got everything you need out there and its not too far from LA, or Vegas or Phoenix. All the radio stations in town were closed before four though. It was pretty sad. No one would answer the door. I figured it must have been happy hour or two dollar tuesday. Finally the last station I went to I caught the last man walking out the door who was the general manager of this station. He was friendly as could be and he let me give him my entire spiel.

"Well sir, I know there isn't much work for jocks out there, because there is not enough money going around. But, here is how I can make you money. The one part of the market that is still growing is the WEB. Its the only part that is growing. But, you need more traffic to get more money from advertising. So, here is where I can come in. I am trained in how to do tv news reporting. I am a one man band, I can write, shoot, edit, interview and find my own stories and be either serious or funny on camera. I can get the community a better voice and have something that the jocks can push for listeners to come on the web. I can be your daily reporter just giving you a reason to come to the web site other than just contests and prizes. You would come and check out the daily video player and the people would raise the traffic on your sites. I can be the guy who finds the sponsorship for that. I can do a lot of things for your station as well. I am trained in board operating, promotions and on-air. I can be what ever you need me to be, and I will make the station more money."

The GM was impressed. "Well, you seem like you're gonna do well. Keep at it, it will pay off. You have been on the road for a long time. Radio as you must know, is not like it used to be. There is no begginner club anymore. The small stations are all automated and the large stations only employ the seasoned vets. Its a different time we live in. Why do you want to do radio so bad anyway?"

"Well sir, because everyday is different. One day, I am shaking hands with one of the local sports atheletes. The next day, I am helping raise toys for the TOYS FOR TOTS. The next day, We are having a fun on air-contest and we laugh all morning long. The next day, I am riding in the back of a stunt air-plane. And the next day, I am haning out back stage with a country star. The next day, we are helping out a small barber business get some traffic. I loved it. I can make a difference in the community and I could have the greatest exeriences non-stop. I get to meet the greatest people day in and day out. Thats why I want to do radio so bad sir."

He smiled and gave me his card. He really wants to see me have a happy ending. He wished me luck and we parted ways as he took my resume on file.

I headed off to Las Vegas where I stayed with Scott my old mission companion and his wife. It was great, they fed me the best mexican haystacks of my life and we spoke of the old folks on the mission field. I was grateful to see a great friend again. Today was a good day.

scripture: DnC 9:8