Love Is the Road - Roger Clyne

On february 14th I had my girlfriend believe that we couldn't see one another. I had her believe that work was bogging me down and I couldn't afford a ticket out. The story was certainly credible, aside from the money I swore not to touch until my retirement, I had nothing in the bank. I have been filling up the hole in savings account that I left when I went on the road and paying off my student loans before the interest tags an extra four grand. And after only having my job for two months with Intel, flying out to see her was not a good idea to risk what might look bad.

I was blessed with a job working for a company called CDI which is an outsourced client of Intel... so basically I work for Intel now. I am on an on-line video production manager. The title actually sounds more intense than it deserves. Not to down-play my position. I am very grateful. I get to appear on camera and do video editing work and be creative. I get to interview individuals who are innovators in the computer tech world. I get to travel and meet some interesting individuals. For the most part I seem to be respected in my position which is terrific. And the best part is, the pay is such that it is concieveable that I can support someone else as well.

The deal is so good that I would hate to mess it up by flying out to Albuquerque when I might be needed on the Folsom C.A. Especially as a fresh out of college hire. However, it is time.

"I have paid my dues, time after time. I've done my sentence but committed no crime. And that mistakes, I have made a few. I have my share of sand kicked in my face, but I have come through." - Freddie Mercury

My girl friend Michelle's mother picked me up from the airport. She helped me create the rouse to help me make Michelle believe i couldn't come out for Valentines Day. Because if she knew... she might have expectations. With Michelle, the element of surprise is everything.

Her favorite resturaunt not far off the path of Route 66 called the Flying star. A very retro sixties resturant, (but not the dennys soda jerk type) but a really cool place that is somewhat for a conosuer, but not a snob. The whole resturaunt knew, when the inquisitive waitresses spread the word. They watched me shake so much I began to sweat from it. When Michelle arrived in the Flying Star on Valentines day, she was still trying to pass the time to try and forget that Valentines day was being spent on her own. I can see her from a distance and I can tell she has no idea as she stands in line to make her order. Knowing the second she sees me she will figure it out, so I had to act instantly. As I cut in line from the guy wearing punk rock freedom spikes and chains, I bow to one knee right behind my unsuspecting girlfriend. She turned around shocked and hysterical.

When the moment was over, I lifted her up as we recieved a large round of applause by the flying star employees and some customers. She was crying when I showed her the very southwestern style engagement ring. She loved it. I did well.

Michelle is the perfect woman for me. Right now, I have a full time job that isn't dead end. I have a woman. I have direction. And I found that I was right. I feel like Freedom is only just beggining. I don't think that Marriage and career and religion bars freedom... but it enables it. The adventures are only to begin. July 3rd, Albuquerque NM Temple.

If I didn't take that road trip, Michelle and I would have never come together, and my path would not have led me to Intel..... Funny how it all works out.

"Funny how everything was roses, when we held on to our guns." - Axl Rose

3 and a half months later Song: We are the Champions - Queen

A few weeks ago, I attended my ten year highschool reunion. Mostly People go who have something to show off. Of course, I had my beautiful lady with me. But I had no job to speak of. However I had a good time, mostly because I was hyped up on pain killers and using a cane to support my busted leg. Don't worry the leg is fine and going to a reunion was no sweat, nobody cared who was doing what, we were all just happy to see eachother.

After the reality show thing went under, I hit the market again looking for work. I found a position with a company called CDI (who works for Intel). They created a job around me using my video/broadcasting skills and creativity. However, months went by and I got no call. So, I began the search all over again. I had interest with CNN to whom I made a wonderful contact with. I also had other places I had good contacts with, but the truth is... I just didn't have enough experience.

I also interviewed for a part time position with my old job at KNCI. I was looking forward to it, I would get to work with some old buddies of mine and really get my foot back in the door of radio. but I interviewed with my old boss Mark, To whom is a black hole to wear good ideas and energy go to die. After that draining experience, I decided I can't go back home. I can still do radio. I don't think radio is dead, I think it is just building something new right now and some stations won't survive, but the ones that do, will catch fire. Radio will be around, but right now is just not the time that I can tap into it. And my old boss is not an individual who will help radio evolve. Radio is not the place where I can thrive right now, but someday it will be.

I had a few connections to the broadcasting industry in Idaho TV. I thought I can hone my skills in the begginner market like George from Kansas City advised for me. So I interviewed at two stations. One, interview I felt I did really well, the other I am not so sure. But just after I interviewed with one company, the other.... Time will tell. But I won't know for a few weeks.

However, all of that is irrellevent. I finally got the call from CDI (INTEL) and was offered the job to be the Online Video Content Manager. I couldn't be happier. Its a job that really allows me to be creative and fun and still move forward with my broadcasting skills. I won't lose time with radio or TV. But that may not matter because, I may really like this job. Besides, it was never about being a famous person, its only about loving what I do for living. I think this job has all the potential to help me love what i do for living. It will require a little bit of traveling, which you all should know how much I love that. It also requires me to learn a lot of great tricks to be marketable to a lot of businesses. I couldn't be more pleased.

I want to thank everyone for this. To the individuals who let me stay in their homes. To those who fed me. To those who spent time to talk with me, to those who gave me inspiration and hope, to those who read my blog, to those who I call friend or family. I thank you for all that you did. Maybe the trip didn't ultimately equate to a job, and that is fine. I think it did lead me on the path that got me the job, and that path and ain't been finished yet. I have a whole lot of living to do first.

I will still blog about the job and let y'all know how it is going. I don't actually begin until nov 30th. Thank you everyone. I am filled with jubilance and anticipation. I feel blessed beyond measure that I have a job this good during the recession. This is the best thing that has happend to me in a long long time. If a man could be judged by how blessed he is to have such great people in his life, than should be the luckiest guy around.

- Randy Peterson

Nine Weeks Later Seattle WA song: Waiting - Green Day

My brother had an idea. He works for the Intel Marketing Department. He works with a company that puts together a website that sells Intel products. The create videos to educate and inspire computer retail salesmen to push Intel. So My brother made some phone calls and got me a chance to meet with this company in Seattle while they were doing a gaming convention.

Having really little idea of what they needed from me, I came ready to do meaningless tasks like being a camera man caddy. That was the least of my work. As it turns out, they wanted me to be on camera co-hosting this show with the regular host Ruby. Ruby is also an on-air persona with the Golden State Warriors. She is the real deal, and here I am trying to keep up with her level of talent. Regardless, I did about as good as I think someone could be expected to do in that situation and they were impressed with my performance. They are very interested in hiring, but they have to plead a case to the higher-ups to free up some money to put someone on a salary. 

This is a good sign. This same week, KFBK in sacramento had just interviewed me to do a board operating shift on air. They pay well, and Board Operating for KFBK, is NOT a walk in the park. That is some seriously intense stuff. Nothing I can't handle, and its Clear Channel, a really big radio monster. If I play my cards right in that place, I can meet a lot of people to continue to network and spread my name around and get more radio opportunity. 

If that didn't sound great, now I also have some good leads in Idaho Falls for a radio and a tv job. I hope to be going up that way soon to meet with the employers. Honestly, if they bite first, I may just take that one. I fell in love with Idaho when I lived there, and it may be a good situation for me to start off in a smaller market where I can get more opportunity. We will see. 

I have a lot of decisions to make, and that is not a bad problem. I'll keep y'all posted.

 

Seven Weeks Later Albuquerque NM song: All I want is you U2

The Reality show gig looks to be fading. I am not getting response from the guy who was giving me the thumbs up for that. Don't know what will happen with that. 

Still looking for a job, not sure what will happen in the long haul. I have reasons to give up, but i am still determined. I have gone through too much to throw in the towel now. I have set my sights on just a few various places of employment now. Most of them West of the Mississippi. I am still not counting out Washington D.C. or Columbus Ohio. But mostly california, arizona, Utah and especially New Mexico. 

New Mexico is where most of my sights are set these days. I love New Mexico of course, but there is a new X factor to be made known in my plight. For those of you who have been reading carefully, I made mention of an unexpected reunion of an EX in Maryland. Her name is Michelle. Michelle and I had a short lived relationship that had all the potential in the world. Long story short, since we met up in Maryland, we have been communicating regularly. She is back in her home town Albuquerque NM these days, so I decided to pay a visit.

I spent about five days in Albuquerque. Slept at the KOA of course. Michelle and I spent days together. We had a terrific time. We always felt that our paths were guided to be together. And this was no exception. We talked seriously, had fun, and had a memorable time. I interviewed for one job I applied for. I may be able to get it if I try. But it would only be part time and the other jobs I applied for didn't respond to me. Oh well, coming to Albuquerque was mostly to see Michelle anyway.

Her and I are in a serious relationship these days. I tell you this because having her in my life alters my decision making. We have no particular plans except to try our best to make things work. If that means for she and I to move to the same town to see what may come, than that will be. But the Future is still unwritten. 

Six Weeks Later

Finding a job from the confines of a computer in my parents house is sobering. I went from one extreme of gutsy job searching to the complete opposite. I am still sending out resumes but still getting little to no response. 

    The trial and error of looking for a job is really teaching me a lot. Unfortunately, the lessons I need to learn seem to be endless in terms of finding a job. Everyone has different advice, and so many conflict.

   I thought carefully about doing a school program called Radio Connection. Its a program where you go to class at a radio station and get private tutoring by a working professional for six months and you get connections to the station you are working with. They have a 70 job placement afterwards and you receive a degree.... After some sound advice from a few professionals I know, I have decided it is a bad idea. For 7500 dollars upfront or more in payments, its not what I am going to do. 

A job may be opening in my old station for the promotions department, part time, but If I get enough remote broadcasts, I can earn some decent money, and be back in radio at a good station... But I have to deal with the fact that I am once again a little fish in a little pond. 

        My plan to move out to Salt Lake City lost its flavour. My buddies who were hoping I would move out their with them, no longer have the space available. Thats ok, I understand. But, I can't think of a good enough reason to pick up and move their now unless I get a good job, but i can only spread my focus so far.

      There is still the reality show the Phoenix Unemployed that I may have a good chance with. I qualify for what they are looking for, I just need to get a massive audience to vote for me. But if they do, I will be getting a steady pay-check for six months, great on the job training, great exposure and a heck of an experience. Unfortunately, I will have to wait until mid-september before I know anything.

      Idaho Falls has a producer/ reporter position opening up again. It may be interesting for me. I don't mind living out their. Reporting or producing isn't exactly what tickles my fancy but a job is a job. If I qualify, and I get a pay check, than that is all that matters. 

      Albuquerque is calling my name a bit. I get the sense from a Music Instruction company that I may qualify well for a good paying job in music instruction. Only problem is, I don't know how many students I can get just yet and I don't know how stable it is. 

      

      Don't worry, I am not losing my gutsyness If a job opportunity comes my way and offers itself to me, I just might take it. But right now, being in limbo its hard to make that leap of Faith. But I guess thats all their is left for me to do. Is to have Faith.

Two and half Weeks Later

Much hasn't really happened since I last reported. My routine has been, e-mailing resumes everywhere that may be hiring and almost never hearing back. I am still at it everyday. But it may require more patience than I can muster up.

I haven't done anything really fun. I watched a movie at the cheap theatre by myself and that is it. I have read two books, Kindness of Strangers, and Into the Wild. Travels with Charley, is next. I plan on reading a big handful of traveling books to make sure that my book doesn't overlap too much information and discovery. I am pretty sure at this point that my story is still very unique and potentially comparable to poignancy. Should I learn how to write. 

Sacramento hasn't felt like home anymore. I grew up here, I have always loved it here. But I don't know how much more of it I can take. It feels the wrong place for me. 

My parents left my bedroom the way I left it when I moved out so many years ago. All my CD's in a huge storage shelf. My childhood comic books out for display on a rack. My rock n' roll paraphanelia out and about. My guitars and amplifiers out. It all made me sick. I packed all the speakers, CD's, Paraphanelia, and comics into boxes to be donated, sold or given away. I even cut my clothing load into about a third. I don't want things I don't need anymore. 

I have gotten already three offers to resurrect my Johnny Cash Tribute band "Cash Only." only to be turned down or told "Maybe". I don't really have much of an interest in music anymore. I gave it the best I could, but at the end of the day, it wasn't in the cards. And unfortunately, I cannot EAT dreams. People always tell me NOT to give up on dreams. But I almost want to curse them for that. Look where I am now. 28, no job, living with my parents. I have always shunned and scoffed at the existance of NO-RISK cubicle jobs. Now, I am actively seeking after them. I can't help and wonder if these are the same humbling feelings everyone else gets when they decide to grow up and lay off the dream about being a cowboy or an astronaut. But most people have their dreams shattered before they are old enough to live those mistakes I suppose. 

I have spent some time at the Local LDS temple, trying to sort out my goals and make sure they are in line with my eternal wishes. I don't know if they are or not, but I am certainly trying. I am not particularly happy with my situation and I know that is normal. If home life with the parents was so great, nobody would move out. My parents would have me stay the rest of my life if they could get away with it. But recently I am heavily considering moving somewhere in a trailer by the desert. There I can write my book and get my peace. The only places I ever seem to have peace are on the road, the desert and in church. I know that I can't get a paid position in church, they really don't exist. I can possibly be a truck driver, or maybe work at a home depot and write while I am not working. 

Lately I have been heavily considering becoming a writer. I have craved writing ever since I came off the trip. I miss blogging. I don't know how I lived without it. Once again, I changed my focus. I don't care to be a reporter, or maybe even a radio jock anymore. Maybe rock n' roll radio was just my way of making sure that  I never grew up. Just to prove to everyone that I can do anything I put my mind to. Ironically, everyone I know believes in me now. But I don't know what i can do. My will to carry on may be admirable. But it may be the death of me. 

i haven't given up hope, I don't know that I ever can. That may be my problem. I never give up. Even when it is absurd. But I am trying to figure things out. My soul search didn't end when I got back. Unfortunately it amplified. Maybe my road trip wasn't long enough. We will see. But writing the story seems like a happy thought to me. It really helps me get the perspective. So I do have that to look forward to. I think if I write the book, I can possibly get what I was looking for in the end. 

One week Later song: Champion - Oleander

I am back in my Hometown of Sacramento. I have kept a pretty low profile in the past week. I have been watching my friends house and his pets for the last week in a town called Roseville.

To remind some of you of what "A Letter To Bob Dylan" was all about, here is a rundown on the Adventure. Bob Dylan wrote his song "Like a Rollingstone" where he hypothetically asks what would you do with all your freedom when it is granted. To be on your own like a rollingstone, with no direction home, like a complete unknown.
I simply wanted to answer that question to Bob Dylan. After I graduated from college in early April, I immediately took to the open road traveling for what was set out to be 40 days, which turned into 74 days. Being that I have no Job, No woman or no responsibility, I wanted to live with nothing to lose. I wanted see America, I wanted see things, and deal with my fears and most importantly... I wanted to find a home. So the whole time I was hand delivering resumes all across the nation looking for someone to hire me in Radio or TV. Preferably radio. Hoping that maybe employment would guide me to where home is. Being that radio as a nation seemed to be on huge hiring freeze, I knew this would take some real luck and being at the right place at the right time.

To let you know how the job search went. I don't know yet. I have a few bites here and there. I have a bite "Maybe" in Amarillo, Kalamazoo, and hopefully Santa Barbara. I had a few other job offers to do things that are completely different. And I had a potential offer to work on a reality show in Phoenix.
I can't tell if any of them are my dream job or something to get me started up in radio again. Hopefully something of my hard work in dropping off around 130 resumes in person will pay off. But its a possibility, nothing will come from it. I will keep in contact with those I met and see if anything opens, but, I cannot garauntee anything will.

I Came off this trip feeling a little unfinished, and a little discouraged. I had all the help in the world, and I still didn't find what I set out to do. But, then my friend Stephanie suggested I go back and re-read my blogs. So when I read them.... I felt like I was reading someone elses journey. I couldn't believe how much joy and courage I felt. I didn't know what I and so many people were capable of. I had the greatest trip imaginable. I didn't know I had so much endurance in me.

People ask me all the time if it was worth it. Did I find what I was looking for? And the truth is...No. I didn't find my home, I didn't find my job. But, I faced my fears, and I found something much greater than what I imagined. I found YOU. The people. You were the greatest part of my trip. Yes, I got to see Elvis's home, Highway 1, Chicago Blues, Statue of Liberty and everything else In the U.S. that I have ever wanted to see. But non of that stuff I wanted to see mattered in the slightest, when I wasn't with someone. It could have been an old friend or a stranger. I spent time with some amazing individuals across this nation. People who just took the time to help a stranger out. People who took me in their office and looked at my resume and offered their time and advice. People who showed me around the city and told me stories about its culture. People who gave me a place to stay and often times food to eat. People who just shared moments with me that were invaluable.
You see, the United States of America, is a beautiful land. Its dramatic, its got everything under the sun. Its got great history, and monuments. But all that means very little without you. You are what makes this country great. I really found out that people are not inherently selfish and out for themselves. There are people in Every nook and cranny in this country who would give you the shirt off their backs if you needed it. I learned many things while driving the endless highway. I learned many things from the museums. But when I see the passions that drive so many people, and the heart that makes them give a stranger or an old friend so much help, I am humbled. What I found in this nation is that there is a lot more worth fighting for than I ever could have imagined. The U.S. I saw has an incredible history of endurance. It also has a history that is seedy and questionable at the least. But that doesn't matter, its because their are people who generally want to help eachother out and see others who give it their all succeed. That is what makes the land great.

I will keep at it looking for a job in radio..... for a while. And I may not get it. And thats ok. I died standing up, I went out swinging. I will have tried as hard as I could. And besides, Radio is not the most important thing. Family is. More important to me than myself is my future family. To be a good provider. To be someone who can help out others, the way they helped me. I want to be the guy who will be able to let you into my home and to help you find what you are looking for. And make your experience here in America, one that YOU will never forget.

scripture:Psalms 4:5-8